My maiden name is Danish and all my life I've copped mispronunciation, had to spell it out loud three and four times to people before they get it, had it misspelled on important documents, and was made fun of at school simply because it wasn't 'Smith' or 'Taylor' or 'Jones'.
I couldn't wait to throw it away and change my name to DH's (which is much, much simpler!), so when we found out we were expecting, I pretty much demanded that we get married because I wanted everybody in our house to have the same name. I understand that a lot of people keep their maiden names for various reasons and there's nothing wrong with that, but I guess I was raised pretty traditionally - mum and dad get married *before* kids arrive, everybody under the one roof has the same name, and there is no confusion about which child belongs to what parent, or which person belongs (okay, not 'belongs', ykwim) to which person.
My mum did at one point suggest that DD could be given my family's surname (which offended DH so much I still don't think he's forgiven her, especially seeing as I have a little brother so there's a very good chance the family name will continue through him), but I never even entertained the thought. DH, DD and I are our own family and it's just tradition for the woman to take the man's name and give the kids the same name. So that's what we did.
Maybe if I'd been raised or lived somewhere different, it wouldn't have been such an issue for me, but around here, an unmarried couple just isn't taken seriously, and if you throw kids into the mix then you become downright tacky (which is stupid, none of my friends are married and a lot of them have kids, but I admit I did feel a bit of that 'what will people think?!'), so that was another motivation for me to get married and take DH's name when we found out we were having a baby. Having all of us with the same name not only saves a lot of confusion, but kind of sticks it to people who expect that a pair of early-20-somethings are just 'shacking up' and by the time I'm 30 I'll have four kids to three different dads (not that I see a problem with that, relationships don't work out sometimes, but around here people can be very judgmental).
Last edited by Glamourcide; February 25th, 2009 at 07:08 PM.
I didn't change my name when we married as it is important to me. DH has the most common name going and hates it and didn't expect me to change my name - not to mention he has no links to his fathers side of the family. The baby will have my surname which gives it a chance to continue on for another generation as it would otherwise have died out. We're happy with our decision but have been questioned about it alot. People don't understand and just expected we would use DH's name for the baby.
Thanks for the responses guys! Gothmum I hear you on the spelling factor, I *thought* I wouldn't have to spell the Bear's last name (I always had to spell my maiden name), but alas people seem to need that!
I think what got me thinking about this was some friends of ours who are married but bubs both have mum's last name. And mum and her two sisters all have different last names - ie one has her mum's, one has her dad's and the other has both! Also I was looking around my mum's group and wondering what the baby's last names were... and I'm still too shy to ask!
DH and I are married, but I kept my maiden name. I changed my name the first time I got married to my exH's name - and then went through hell to try and change it back with all the "procedural rules" up here. So I kept my name.
The kids have DH's surname though. Sometimes I think about changing my name to be the same as my kids, because you always get "those" looks, when they think I'm unmarried, to which I quickly say "we're married and I kept my name" blah blah blah
Just bothers me because I'm judged so quickly and they don't even know the reason why I don't have his name (and also my name just sounds SOOOOOOO bad with his last name, and I like mine - its different - and I can spell it quickly... and I like that.... LOL)
Anyhoo - *cough cough* - yes... kids have hubby's name.
child number 1 has my last name (was with father but chose to give my last name for a few reasons. Ex had no say)
child number 2 has DF's last name
child number 3 will have DF's last name
when we marry i will hyphernate my surname and if/when DF adopts child number one and can have #1's name changed to his ill more then likely drop my maiden name and just have DF's name. If child number one doesnt get to change surname then ill keep mine hyphernated.
I am very interested in this thread as am still undecided what to do. I am not big on hyphenating names.
Would love my child to have DP's last name but I dont want to have a different last name to my child. I grew up with a different last name to my mum as she got divorced from my dad and I didnt like it.
Does anyone know if it is difficult to change a childs last name if DP and I did eventually one day get married.
Seeming this baby is already overdue I am running out of time to work this out!
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