My SIL and I were pg at the same time with our boys...i had mentioned I wanted to use FIL's name as Nikolaus' middle name as he was the first grandson but then she was telling everyone she was doing..turned us right off. She did use the name and I stepped back too cause I sort of thought she is his daughter...you know respect thing.
THEN I was pg with Wilhelm and we were tossing up between his name and Mateauz..(matthew in german) and BANG 3 friends named their son's matthew (they dont know each other) within a year of knowing it.
IF I ever do have anymore children (which is highly unlikely ) Im not going to share until the baby is born
I suppose i don't understand why one might feel a name is stolen. Like i don't see how using a name someone else likes COULD be hurtful - to me it's like someone "stealing" a glance in my mirror - they won't wear it out!
I guess i feel that i could call my kid anything i wanted and even if every friend i had also used that name, it wouldn't mean i couldn't, kwim? And if i didn't want to, because it put me off there being so many babies with that name already, well, that's my decision, not theirs, so they didn't take anything from me. Does that make sense?
With DD there was only really one name we liked. We had zero boys names lined up and only one for a girl, nothing would have made us use another name. I actually have 2 friends who never speak now because one called her son the name the other one wanted to call HER son (the one who wanted the name so badly wasn't pregnant and still has no kids). I know the little boy is named after his dad's dad, who died when bubs was still in the womb, and i've no idea if the other girl knows that, but she did have a big rant about how "she KNEW i wanted that name!" and then kind of dropped the new mother. At the time i thought probably there were other issues happening, but it's been a fair few years now and they're still very distant. It's ironic now too - if she HAD a baby boy now the other boy with his name would be 5 by the time he was born, not exactly 2 babies with the same name...
I guess we're all different and have our own personal reasons for feeling like we do . If we all felt the same way then we'd have to start getting creative with making up new names LOL!
i think it's a respect thing Bx - you know now what i'm going to name my bubba - if you were pg now, and chose to use that name, i'd find it disrespectful IF you hadn't voiced a like of the name at the time i mentioned it to you. i think people need to come up with names they like themselves - yes, you might see something in a newspaper and think yup, i like it - but when someone you're close to says "i'm going to name my child X" when you've never even considered the name, and then you decide you'll use it now - well, it kinda smacks of a lack of respect (and creativity) for the person that voiced they would be using that name
as i said, with our boys name, BW had it on her list - she chose to remove it when i said we'd be naming our baby that if it was a boy - i didn't ask her to. it was out of respect - it was a contemplation for them, a decision already for us. BUT, she did say it was on her list, and if she'd chosen to use it, so be it - she didn't decide she liked the name after i'd mentioned it kwim?
everyone is going to have a different opinion on this subject based on their own experiences - this is just mine...
i really dont have a problem with it its only when its close family like my neice having the name i wanted was the issue but it doesnt matter now seeings as i'm having a son and its not like kids when they go to skool arent going to know ppl that have their name maybe some of the more unusual ones but most kids know ppl that have their name so i dont really think its a big deal my good friends sister just had a baby and named him jamie but it doesnt bother me
Of course, we all feel differently. I think just because i don't feel that way i'm trying to find a way to understanding it, kwim? I hope i'm not coming off disrespectful, because i'm not challenging the idea that someone would be hurt (and your example helped BG, i'd never use your name!). I think part of the problem is that the only IRL experience i have is of the 2 women i mentioned where there was only one ACTUAL baby at the time, and the name was chosen because of something else entirely (in this case the late grandfather) but the "owner" of the name still felt very annoyed about it and even now, years later, is still put out.
But BG if i DID use your name (definitely wouldn't!) would you feel you couldn't use it? Or how would you feel? I am wondering what is behind the feelings of put-out-ness. If you don't want to get into it you can tell me to shut up though!
given your distance from me, i would possibly still use it, but i'd likely be peeved at you for using it for a while! it is a name we've decided on a long time ago. BUT, depending on how close the births were i would possibly use the other name we love for now, and use that name later. i feel we've become pretty close over the past couple of years on BB (as close as purely online friends can be) and i don't know if i'd feel comfy using that name if you did. it would be nothing against you using it (plus you can't, unless you're UTD and haven't shared!) - it would more be about that perception of not being creative enough to use a different name kwim?
i think even with the boy name we want (which means i have to go back - bugger!), if BW had used it, i wouldn't have held it against her, but i don't think i'd have used it for this baby. everyone knows we're good friends (hell, half the site time BG instead of BW or vice verse!) and i would feel that there is a perception that we're not individual if we even named our babies the same...
hope that makes sense (and doesn't make me sound tooo neurotic)
Aw hun you don't sound neurotic at all! And sadly no, i'm neither UTD or likely to be able to resist sharing once i am! LOL.
So is it external perception (of other folk) that concerns people? That others would think you'd stolen a name yourself i mean, or as you say, that you're not creative?
My SIL named her #1 after a kid they saw in a bus shelter one day. Actually i saw the family and the kid too and it put me RIGHT OFF the name (parents looked about 17 and were both smoking into the buggy while screaming at the kid, who looked about 15months, to shut the f up crying, they were sick of hearing it, kid was in frilly socks, little dress, no blanket, coat or cardigan and was BLUE with the cold, both parents were in thick jackets...), but they really liked it. It's funny what one person will like another will reject completely, perhaps they didn't see the situation the way i did, or perhaps they just heard the name and didn't look any further.
) Im not going to share until the baby is born
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