Using a deceased persons name...just your thoughts....

[minimatron]

Ok well, we are having dd3 and are completely stumped on names! The only name we like and could quite possibly agree on is Jennifer. We both love it...theres just one problem.....

DHs grandmother had a still born baby about 50 odd years ago. She was named Jennifer. There is a headstone and ashes.

Dh says it would be weird and not right to name our daughter that name. He finds it uncomfortable to talk about.

I have spoken to his grandma on several occassions about the baby they named Jennifer. She is quite open about it and appears not to be uncomfortable.

Chances are because I respect my dh wishes we wont be calling this one Jennifer. However, I was just wondering what your thoughts would be on the matter. I have asked dh is I could talk to his grandparents about it and see if they think its ok, but its a no. He thinks it would be weird to have that same name in a family and also the fact that our baby could see the headstone, etc.... I think that there are many families who name their children after other people in the family that pass on. I do respect that this was a child who was born still but I think if we bring it up with the grandparents and ask, then there shouldnt be any issues. If they said yes, then we would also talk to dhs dad and uncles about it so they would know too.

Any thoughts?

[TeniBear]

I'd be absolutely honoured if one of my kids or grandkids said they were naming their son after my Ianto. If DH's grandma's alright with it, I think you should be. But I can understand where he's coming from as well. He might think it's a bit wrong (maybe even bad luck?) to call his daughter that... It's really up to you and him together

[Bun]

Personally, I think it is a beautiful thing to do.

[Ginger]

i think it would be a lovely gesture for dh's grandma.
please talk to your dh again and see if you can convince him to let you speak to his grandparents about how they would feel.
i'm sure his grandma would be really touched by it.

[deletedit]

My middle name, as much as I despise it (it is very old fashioned), used to belong to my grandmother's sister, who died as a baby.

[Glamourcide]

I think it's a lovely idea, even if you're not deliberately naming your child *after* another family member (ie, you just happen to like the name and it just so happens there's a Jennifer in the family who, sadly, is deceased). But on the other hand, I can sort of see your DH's perspective - maybe he's worried about being seen as disrespecting the baby's memory, or that it might be a 'bad omen', so to speak?
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you should do :/ It's a tricky situation. Maybe if you and your DH can sit down with his grandma, talk openly about everything and see if maybe that changes his perspective on things if he can see that his grandma is comfortable with the idea?
Good luck with whichever direction you go in, I hope you find the perfect name soon (if you're not already sitting on it, that is )!

[DaintreeDream]

I think it is a lovely idea. I would love to use the name 'Verna' after my great Aunt who passed away for a middle name, DH is not so keen though. I can understand also that your DH may not be comfortable with the choice as I too would respect that.

[ElleJay]

If you want to do it, then definitely do it
My DS is named after my granddad, who passed away Aug '08 and I miss him every day - He's also got the same name as DHs middle name, so it's a doube meaning to his name