Cass,

You have some good advice here. And going to your gp and trying to see a counsellor would be my first thought too, maybe a family counsellor if you can so you can all get advice how to help each other? Even though the kids are only little they will understand alot and be able to take on some strategies in dealing with being a step family and how to 'be' together.

As an early childhood teacher, I deal with alot of difficult behaviours in young children. I have learnt alot of strategies to deal with them, though in the spur of the moment with your own child/ a child close to you, it can be so so hard to keep your cool and think about what to do. A good place to start if you don't mind sharing with them, is his kindy. Probably the director, or his primary carer (if that's how the centre works) would be the best people to talk to. Even though he's godd at kindy, consisteny is really important so if you employ certain strategies at hoem, then it is important for them to do it at kindy too. The carers should have some numbers or agencies for you to liase with.

As others have said he has been through alot lately, moving in with you and having to deal with siblings after being an only child for a while (I am assuming- that was the impression I got). His defiant behaviour and taunting you sounds pretty normal for a 4 year old going through upheaval. But his putting his private parts in his sisters/brothers face is totally unacceptable and I would be wondering why he is doing it. Did you give him a really big reaction the first time he did it? Maybe now he knows he will get attention for doing it so he does it more, even though the attention is negative. Or is it that he's seen it somewhere and doesn't really understand that it's inappropriate. Has he ever done/said anything else of a sexual nature that made you worried? If so I would definitely mention this to your dr/therapist.

Have you tried really encouraging him when he does the right thing, and try not to make a huge deal when he does the wrong thing. He is at the age where he is probably trying to give himself an identity. At the moment he might have labelled himself as naughty, and is acting in that way cause he feels that's how he's expected to be by others kwim? Maybe a star chart or something similar would work for him. Write a list of rule on a large peice of cardboard for all of the children and have a stickerchart for them all -probably too babish for Locklan and too old for Izzy, but if they all participate, then he knows he has no different expectations than the other children. Once they get 10 stickers or something, they get a reward of your choice- appropriate to your family (maybe a toy for $15 or they get to do their favourite thing one sunday etc).

Try to show him other ways to show his anger/frustration, like hitting a large pillow, screaming into a pillow, having time out in a quiet place...then talk to him once he's calm. After he calms down, show the approiprate remorse/ apology for what he's done, give him a hug and tell you love him and that your proud of how he calmed himself and dealt with his feelings.

Remember that if you are feeling too frustrated/angry with him and feel like you're going to go bananas at him, get someone else to deal with him if you can. If you can't maybe put him in a quiet spot tell him his behaviuor was inappropriate but that you're too upset to deal with him right now and you'll be back in a few minutes to talk to him. Then go to that pillow and scream into it and hit it yourself!! Then deal with him. Really try not to get angry in his presence. And try not to tell him HE'S naughty. Describe his behaviuor as naughty (eg 'hitting Izzy is naughty and it hurts her, you need to...' what ever the appropriate thing is to do, not 'you're naughty, don't hit').

Ok that's all I can think of, I hope I didn't go too far. And I hope some of it helps. You are in a difficult position and you are doing a great job. Once you have the strategies you need to deal with him and he settles and realises he's there to stay, then (hopefully) he'll settle. Good luck hun.