"Daddy Hurts Me"

[*Nessa*]

Ok This is what my eldest has started to tell random people.

It is NOT true at all, He dad does smack her on the odd occasion when he feels it is warrented and so have I.

But yes she has been telling people her daddy hurts her. I am so scared its going to be taken the wrong way.

She has a fantastic memory as well and still tells me about the time her daddy accidently shut her foot in the door and scratched her (which happened in october)

So far i know she has told 2 seperate people when im not there, she told my best friend when she was dropping her sons off at daycare and she told the guy who was painting her face last night at the zoo. and from what my sis said he didnt look very impressed with what he heard.

How do i deal with this???


ETA: oh and sometimes it will b phrased as "Daddy smacks me" so i know she is referring to being smacked. cause she will say it to me at home if her daddy has smacked her.


I just want to say that i know there is absolutly nothing abusive about my DH.

[*Nessa*]

Hmmm I really hope people arent thinking the worst of my DH.

My daughter likes to get alot of attention so maybe she has figured by saying this just like kids say swear words she is going to get a reaction.

She will come home from day care and at least mention once that one of the children there smacked her or hurt her.

[Spring Angel]

I'm sorry but I don't have any suggestions just wanted to give you a

I think you are right, she has figured it is a way to get a reaction so it is interesting to her to see how adults respond. Perhaps try sitting her down and talking to her about the difference between an acident and when something is intentional. I know it might be a bit beyond her reasoning, but it is worth a shot. She may think that her Dad intentionally hurt her foot so she might just need some reassurance that it was only an accident.

HTH

Spring xx

[rosehannah]

Wow thats a tough one, hopefully it is just a faze she is going through, maybe she noticed it got her some attention when she said it. I wonder if your DH should find other ways to discipline her as she is probably picking up on the idea that you shouldn't hit people.

[~StarBright~]

Oh nessa, kids and what they come out with!! and of course i am sure when asked she says "no i did nothing wrong!!" even when she did, and thats if the people she is telling bother to ask!!!!

This is a hard situation in this day and age, if this was said 20-30 years ago, i reckon most people response would be, "probably served you right kid" but these days with wrongful abuse so talked about it would be a "warning sign to look for" even though in this case its obviously not...

I had a similar (kind of not really) situation when i was a kid, i was about 5 or 6 and i had an accident at the rollerskating rink, i had a full on collision with another kid and ended up with two black eyes, well later that week i went to the bank or something with my dad and apperently a lady asked me if my daddy hurt me and i said "yes, he smacks me when i am naughty" or something like that, and the lady freaked coz she meant my horrible black eyes, whuch my father did NOT do, but i was just being honest, yes daddy does smack me when i am naughty!!! LOL Dad had to do a bit of explaining, but after a few minutes it was all sorted out and he was very embarrased and i dont think he took me out in public again until my black eyes went down!!!

So i dont really know what to suggest, does she understand why she gets smacked? like does DH tell her what she did wrong, and that this is the consequence etc, maybe this is time to encourage her to start telling the "whole truth" say its ok to tell people you got a smack, but you must also tell them what you did to desreve it or something along those lines. It may also help her to not be soo naughty if she has to tell people what she did to get the smack!!

Good luck!!!

[widdly]

i'd say it is just a way of her being able to get a reaction from people when she sayd it. You sound confident that she is only talking about the smacking, and i have heard of other kids saying similar awful things to strangers. maybe stop the smacking and see how that goes...

[*Nessa*]

We know smacking isnt what everyone considers to be a ideal punish ment and dont use it all the time, but i find when she is having a tantrum and possibly about to hurt us or her sister when this happens that a smack is warrented.

Sometimes she can even be referring to a accident that occured. the door being opened into her if she stands outside the toilet or silly accidents that happen around the home.

[Liz185]

Oh I'm not too sure what to suggest! If it was my son saying those things I'd be VERY unhappy as DP is a very big man and could definitely be misunderstood!

I suppose there's not a lot you can do besides re-assure others if they bring it up, because talking to toddlers never seem to work with me

[maz]

hmm honey maybe she's reacting to your impending new baby? She may feel she's not getting your full attention and is trying to gain others.
Make a passing joke of it to her...ah daddy smacked you..oh thats no good is it...and leave it at that. Dont over react to it babe...dont get upset about it either...she'll feed of it.
And babe, we know (We'll I do anyway) that you guys dont go tot he extreme of what some people may think. your wonderful parents.

[*Nessa*]

See the thing is if you all met my husband you would laugh. He wouldn't say boo to a ghost. Very quiet man. I wear the pants in this house. Lol

thankyou all for your replies.

[meow]

You hurt her to teach her not to hurt others? I'm not sure that tactic will work sorry. I'd definitely suggest not smacking as it sounds like she is reaching out for outside support and you don't want this to affect your family badly.

With the accidents maybe making sure she is properly apoligised to will help? Not sure obviously how these are dealt with already but maybe she feels they are brushed over and her pain is not acknowledged.

Good luck! When I was little I had a baby doll that would cry when you took it's dummy out. I would take it out in public and slap the doll around the face, tell it to be quiet and put the dummy back in. Certainly behaviour that never happened in my family so my poor Mum would bear the brunt of some terrible glares for nothing!

[Amity]

I'd go down to the bookstore and buy a book which has the story "The Boy who Cried Wolf" and read it to her. Maybe it will help her understand why you don't say things like that.

I think it's an Aesop's Fable or something similar...

[DoubleK]

i dont think you need to defend your reasons for smacking.

sorry i dont have any real advise to offer you! just a hug! :hugs:

[*Nessa*]

Ok Can i just say, I didnt ask for my parenting techniques to be judged regarding smacking. I know some people dont agree with it and its fine.

Smacking is used as a deterant. and only used if i feel it is the last thing. A smack will normally stop her in what she is doing so yes if that is hurting me or her sister then that i will smack. It by no means is it i want to hurt you smack, it is more of a snap out of it and it distracts her enough to make her stop for the second i need to gain control over the situation.


ETA- Divvy will be getting that book, thankyou

[kirsty_lee]

NO ONE smacks their child in the hope that they smack another I personally, as im sure alot of mothers in here will take offence to that. Noone says you should beat the ***** out of your child..but there are instances in which smacking is warranted. Im pretty sure this was not a thread to start a "to smack or not to smack' debate and i think maybe words should be chosen more wisely or with more thoought on how it's going to affect the poster and other mothers.

[MistyFying]

Yes ladies and gents....a gentle reminder to keep things respectful in here please

Nessa at the age of children do start to become more cluey as to what gets adults' attention. So if your little one is gaining extra attention because of what she's saying, she might continue the behaviour. I don't think ignoring it is necessarily the best approach, because if someone really *was* hurting her, you'd sure want her to be absolutely 100% comfortable sharing that with you in the knowledge that you'd believe her.

So maybe acknowledge what she's saying, then gently move on to another topic. You could also try discussing your chosen method of discipline with her (in an age-appropriate way), to reassure her that you're not trying to hurt her. It may lead to some conversation about consequences etc, which is an important understanding to have in life.

At that age, my DD used to tell her kindy teacher that the only thing Daddy did at home was go to the toilet and "toot" (ie fluff)

[*Nessa*]

You could also try discussing your chosen method of discipline with her (in an age-appropriate way),

i havent even though of doing that, not saying we dont tell her why she is getting told off but after its over we dont usually think about it.

I am planning on having a mummy chat with her tonight. and am going to talk to her daycare worker and see what she thinks. Im sure its been mentioned at her daycare.


I guess it hurts me that she is saying things about her dad in that way cause he is such a beautiful person and i know he would be uspet if he knew, i havent yet told him. will have a chat later on tonight.

[Daydream Believer]

I dont think you should have to justify your method of discipline, whether it is smacking a child or sitting them in a corner. As long as they are getting disciplined when they are doing something wrong. If the method of none/little discipline is taken they generally turn out to be teenagers and adults that have no respect for their elders/authority. Being my age I have grown up with people in both boats and have seen the difference.

As much as some people say smacking your child,is illegal, it is not. As long as you are not beating your child(my mum is a cop & I made her look it up)

Im sorry if I have offended anyone, this is just my opinion.