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Thread: Disgusted at way strangers talk to their babies !

  1. #1

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    Default Disgusted at way strangers talk to their babies !

    I didnt feel the need to post in the past, but after today, i just have too....
    When your out - at the shops, paying bills, whatever, do you ever notice how other parents speak to their babies/toddlers?
    I have heard "shut up and stop whinging" "goddddddddd, where is your dummy, be quiet". Today i heard "suck this, be quiet, go to sleep" - this was whilst in best n less. Twins were probably 8 months old - and being told to suck this and go to sleep!!!. The tone was awful.

    I know, i know i dont know these people's life situations - it may have been a bad morning, they maybe going thru a rough time. I know i have no right to judge. But i dont think anyone should be spoken to like that.....At the post office about 4 weeks ago, i saw a mother say to a 18 month or less little girl 'shutup, mummys not listening' Is this a productive way to speak to any little person.....?


    It just upset me......that some little people out there get spoken to like that. I just felt like cuddling the little girl and taking her home with me !!!! ....okay, ill try and stop saving the world now.....LOL

    Last edited by mbear; March 29th, 2007 at 08:43 PM. Reason: punctuation

  2. #2

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    I couldn't agree more, If we are having a bad time shopping we just go home. I'd rather have fun at home then have a stressed out mum and miss M! Sometimes I just cringe when I hear how parents talk to kids. Something my mum and I use to talk about (this was before we had Mackenzie) was how many happy parents you could find in a shopping centre when you went shopping. We usually came home with a count of 1 maybe 2 max and the rest were just yelling or speaking woefully to their kids. I know some people have a tough life but speaking nicely to the little people is not a diffcult thing to do. All people need to do is stop and think before they open their mouth. Mackenzie knows too when kids are being spoken to badly. On more than one occasion she has said to me 'mummy that's not very nice talk' when she hears people talking badly to their kids. I would hope this is enough to make the adult who is within earshot stop and think before they do it next time but sadly I'm sure it isn't.

  3. #3

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    I feel the same, often it's about the tone and body language as well.

    I know that in most cases it's out of frustration rather than malice but perhaps those parents don't see that how they react to their kids now will affect how their kids address people in the future.


    Kids don't do as you say they do as you do (un)fortunately and as a result we need to be on our best behaviour all the time!

  4. #4

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    I know that sometimes I'll tell Oscar to 'put that in your gob and shut up', but the tone could in no way be mistaken for anything other than playful. If he were upset (rather than just fidgety - I tell him to shut up when he's fidgety, not vocal!) I would just take him away from the situation that was obviously stressing his little system out and take it as a cue that he's overstimulated. Nothing is so important that I have to remain somewhere that is having a negative impact on him!
    I remember serving a lady last year who had a VERY young baby (as in, less than 3 months old) in a pram who was hysterically screaming the store down. The mother was choosing earrings. When she came to the counter (I had been busy serving at the counter or I would have gone over to her sooner with my offer) I asked if she'd like me to hold her items until she could feed/soothe her child. Instead, she says "Nah, he can wait, plus it will make you serve me quicker with him screaming"...WTF?? I told her I wasn't going to 'go quicker' because I'd make a mistake and end up taking longer. Who put EARRINGS before a very young babie's cries for attention??? All she needed to do was come back! I still don't know how people believe babies are manipulative...

  5. #5

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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets disgusted by what I see in the shopping centres. I know that shopping with the kid(s) in tow is not always easy and it is very easy to get tired, frustrated and angry but we all need to be aware of our actions and how they affect the people we love. I've been very lucky so far and usually when I shop DS is happy enough. Once he threw a whopping tantrum so I just pushed the pram into a quiet corner, knelt down to DS's level, looked him straight in the eye and firmly said "STOP!" He took a very deep breath and calmed down so then I took him out of the pram, put him in the HAB, and he was calm and asleep about 10 minutes later. To me that was much more effective and productive then telling him to "shut up" or something equally as horrible.
    I agree that we shouldn't judge and we may only be witnessing a one off - but somehow I doubt it and it always leaves me wondering... if they will treat them like this in public what happens at home? And you can better believe the kids will dish it right back to the parents when they are teenagers!

  6. #6

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    I think there's a big difference between an "Oh, darling, shush-shush, we'll be leaving soon" or "Look, here's your dummy, do you just want a suck?" (as I do) and some of the earlier examples. Yes, babies can be frustrating while shopping, but they're frustrated too! I know with my DS that it's often just his reflux and if his dummy doesn't work (usually whilst at a checkout) moving the pram will; if that doesn't I'll pick him up and that always works (I make sure he's fed and clean before we leave the house; if we're out for over an hour and a half then I'll check he doesn't need a feed or a change too).

    You would expect to be treated with courtesy and respect, why shouldn't babies be allowed to expect that as well?

  7. #7

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    It takes a lot of presence of mind not to just react and say the first thing that pops into your head. I think this would have to be one of the hardest parts of parenting because you are trying to override an impulse in a high pressure situation. I don't think you are judging mbear - far from it. I completely understand where you are coming from. I've seen so many parents at the end of their rope with kids in public. It's never a good situation.

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    The screaming had escalated from nothing, to gentle whimper to a big scream...over a period of time. They did not come in with the baby upset/colicky.
    I don't know, I suppose I just don't get how you couldn't just hold your baby and acknowledge that it's not happy - I know if I'm upset, it's comforting to be comforted...and I'm an adult with words and the ability to rationalise a situation that I'm in! Also, as someone who hates shopping centres, I guess I have seen how much I can live without the all-important earring shopping and Oscar has spent minimal time in big shops. When I AM there, Oscar takes priority.
    As for speaking rudely, it's not a great example to be setting as a reaction to an annoyance!

  9. #9

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    Maybe it's me you're talking about! I was in medicare the other day and had had the LONGEST most challenging morning with coco. I think I said something under my breath like "be quiet you little sh*t"......sorry, but I think that's fair enough, I was going CRAZY. I can tell you, I love my babies more than anything, but sometimes I need to let it out (quietly but I know the woman in front heard)!!! Im not too worried if Im judged, I know I'm a good mum, but sometimes it's SOOO frustrating. I understand the people that lose it in the shops, I actually feel sympathy for them!! xo
    Last edited by christy; March 30th, 2007 at 12:25 PM.

  10. #10

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    I've had some shockers in the shops, usually it tends to be the times when Matilda has decided to escape out of the pram & run as fast as she can, so I am running pulling the pram with Jovie in it... or she has massive tantrums where the only thing I can do it pick her up & put her under my arm so I can push the pram and run out as quick as I can. I've waited tantrums out in parents rooms before & its not fun.

    However, despite all the awful times in the shops, I try to make sure I don't insult my child. I may say "Mummy is getting really frustrated now, please BE QUIET!" and be firm and cranky about it, but I guess thats the way I handle things.

  11. #11

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    i agree christy, a simple explanation to the child doesnt take much effort.

    I would love to do a casestudy on some of these situations, and see how these babies grow up, and how they then speak to their mother/father when they say are 8,9 years old. You cant really blame them if they speak in the same manner/tone, can you?

  12. #12

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    i know it can be harsh out there with other parents. i was putting oscar in the car to go home from a shopping centre and a mum was screaming at her 4 year old and she had a 2 year old in the car and a baby. i was clicking oscar into his seat and i heard her smacking the 4 year old. i turned and asked her really calmly if i could help her with anything as she seemed to be having a rough time. this calmed her straight away and she sortof laughed and told me wait until my baby was 4. (i didn't tell her i have a 12 year old and 9 year old at home). i know i didn't stop her from smacking her child but i did manage to calm her and the children responded much better. so this is what i do just ask if i can help them in some way and it seems to calm them to parent a little more respectfully.
    beckles

  13. #13

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    Yeah I've btdt too... but I also think the occasional offhanded comment is alot different to the overall demeanor or temperament of the parent. I find it VERY distressing if someone is swearing or name calling their child, or smacking their child. Even Paris in her infinite wisdom has often said at the top of her lungs "you shouldn't say/do that should you mummy?" To which I'll whisper quietly and try as quickly as I can to move somewhere else. But I do try not to judge these days... But its hard not to when you've been on the receiving end before (which I have) or that you *know* parenting can be done minus these methods...

    So it is sad and its hard not to worry in some circumstances but I often wonder how I can be misinterpreted in some situations...

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  14. #14

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    its hard to admit but i have spoken quite harshly to my bubba at times! even swearing!!! admittedly not out at the shops, but mainly at home when she WON'T sleep! does that make me a bad mother? probably! i say to myself i wont do that when she is older, she cant understand at the moment....... what do you girls do when you have that angry, frustrated, tired, feeling? (not that i do it all the time, just at the extreme)

  15. #15

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    hmmmmm interesting thread... i find it funny when people say to me.."is she a good baby"??? i kinda think to myself, well at 12 weeks does she know how to be naughty???
    Strange isnt it?!?!
    I think all mummies get so tired and frustrated and impatient... i think a lot of it comes from thinking we are putting other people out in public tho. If that makes sense? we get embarrassed that our baby/toddler is making a racket or whatever... im so used to Eden howling now(not that she does it as often now) that i can carry on a conversation as normal without being a stressful mess whilst the person im talking to looks as if they are in shock.
    I would have been disgusted too, if i heard that... babies and children pick up on tones and vibes whether they understand words or not. But we are all allowed to lose our cool once in a while too....
    Did any of that make any sense... i really need some sleep...

  16. #16

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    In an ideal world we would all be able to calmly deal with our children and give respectful discipline and have it work on every occasion. In an ideal world our children would all be perfectly behaved at the shops (or other public venues).

    We are none of us perfect. I don't like to see parents smacking their kids or calling them names - I do find it distressing. But I can't in all honesty say I have never done it. I am mindful most times of how I speak to my kids, and I avoid smacking because in most cases I don't believe it works as a form of discipline. But that doesn't mean I have never done these things.

    So I try not to judge, because its hard to know the circumstances.

  17. #17

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    DP and I were talking about it last night.

    You get disapproving looks and comments in supermarkets if your child is throwing a tantrum and screaming the place down. You hear comments like 'in my day, I would have gotten a kick up the bum for that.'

    Then the same people also look disapprovingly when you are trying to sort the screaming child out, whether it is a small smack or some firm words, or dragging them along by the arm while you juggle a baby in another.

    I've never been in either situation, as I had perfect toddlers (they were suppressed with mental problems and I'd rather them be horrible brats out of the house ie, normal children, than be the way they were) but I saw it over and over again with quite distressed mothers. I felt so sorry for them, all the way being tut-tutted for whatever way they went.

    Obviously there are extremes and bad parents that are very harsh on their kids and say and do horrible things, but there also are alot of frustrated mums at their wits end.

  18. #18

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    I agree totally... FRUSTRATION is the biggest cause, and also a lack of knowledge and support. Look at what we have here a collection of mature supportive women ready to offer advice or support whenever we need it... we are lucky. There are alot of people out there without previous experience, mothers, aunts, sisters, and sadly even friends with no one to reach out and offer a helping hand when they are at their wits end. Maybe we need to make up BellyBelly cards to give out when we see a mum in need...

    *hugs*
    Cailin

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