IK, you are right about it's frustration that children don't fit into a mould. This is the very reason i had suppressed, depressed and mentally disturbed children because their father believed they should be a certain way which was not child-like. They had no room for mistakes, even accidents, and by the time we left I had very messed up children. Only now, years later, my DD is 6 and going through the terrible two's. It's been delayed because of her life and the expectations put on her. She was a perfect toddler, never once did a thing wrong....it wasn't good, it was abnormal and sad. The most unforgivable thing I have ever done in my life was allow that to happen to my children.
I have no idea about what toddlers are really like, and I think I'm in for a bit of a shock with this one! But, bring it on. Their little personalities develop this way, they learn through all these things the way to handle situations, it's just how we react to them as parents. I'm sure in a year or two, I will be one of those parents being tut-tutted for a tantrum throwing child (especially if DPs toddlerhood is anything to judge by so his mother tells me LOL).

Talking about swearing and talking harshly to one's children - I hear it and cringe. I could never imagine speaking like that at a child, I've had days where i've yelled, but I can't imagine using harsh words or calling a child something.

Something that was interesting though, is that recently a few months back, we had new neighbours move in next door. The kids nickname the mum 'Angry mum' and they are scared of her because she literatlly screams at her children and inserts swear words. It sends shivers through me. But strangely enough, I've rarely seen a more dedicated careful mother. She's there 100% of the time with her kids, out playing with them, involved in her daughter's school, hugs them heaps and is exceptionally careful of them outside (you don't see that too much). She is better in that way than 90% of the mother's I know in my area, yet the screaming and swearing leave much to be desired.

I'm not saying that all the good cancels out the bad, just thought I'd share it because I guess in my sheltered view, a mother that spoke like that to her kids just didn't care about much else either, but she's exceptional in other ways.