Do Positive commands with toddlers work?

[PinkPalace]

I have been doing some self reflection lately on my parenting styles.

I am looking to positive commands opposed to the so many negative commands i often give.

Does anyone use the daily and have great results with behaviour??

For example:

In stead of saying

"Dont hit your brother" SAY "hold your brothers hand nicely"

OR


" NO dont draw on the walls!!" SAY " come over and draw on the paper"

[Kazbah]

I use everyday commands like 'good listening' when he's doing something well ... and as I have serious doubts he "gets" stickers for good behaviour, so I start off with a reward (like a train) drawn on a board and keep it there all day - only removing it if he's naughty. That way I think he sees more of a consequence of his naughty actions and I've started with the assumption that he is already good, he just has to stay good!

[~Kim~]

Ooh PP I'm not sure, but it's a greta idea. I'm going to give it a try.

[BekZ]

Praise, praise and more praise!!! For DD1 who is nearly 4 yo - I keep commands simple and to the point and I explain why I don't like her behavior for example, Sara stop hitting your sister, it is not nice to hit people (I try to look her in the eyes because commands from a distance don't work) and when I see her playing nicely with her sister I say:Sara you are playing so nicely with your sister good girl.

For DD2 who is 20 months I use words and action. For example she has started drawing on funiture and when I see this happening I say No Loren, draw on paper only not the walls. I then walk her over to paper and tell her to draw on paper only. I am also trying to get her to keep her hat on. So before we go out I say to her: Loren "Hat on" and every time she goes to take off her hat replace the hat and say "hat on". When she does keep the hat on I cheer and clap. If she chucks a tanty I remove her from play, wait till the worst of it is over and then replace the hat with the same command and cheering, then we return to play. This has worked so well in the last couple of days.

[Oorki Galoorki]

I try not to praise them to much i mean really how is telling a child "good coughing" going to help them as they grow.. infact they might find as your prais edrops off in later yrs they feel like failures because its not good any more, directly translates to bad coughing... all because mum isnt Praising me for EVERYTHING!!

talk like you would to an adult.. or next time you hear your DP cough start saying good coughing!! as in normal sentences although maybe some simple words.

(coughing is just an example of crappy praising that im using)

re direction and not using NO will probably mean you will get some better results.
No has SO many meanings for us, children get confused between No we mean.

[Michelle71]

Yep - it works. Mostly We try to give positive instruction rather than a multitude of "no's" and "don'ts" which is what I would otherwise happen with a 2yo

For example, bottoms go on chairs (as opposed to get off the table!!) etc

We also use positive praise repeatedly - and it is sooooo cute to see his face light up when he knows he has done something that we are so happy with / proud of / encouraging. Things like "good job" and "thank you for doing X, mummy is so happy when you do X" and "lovely manners" etc etc

[Winter]

My neighbour used to be a family day care worker and she said that she had the best success giving clear instructions on what she wanted the kids to do rather than what she didn't want them to do - 'walk around the table' as opposed to 'don't run through here'.

I'm really interested in how you go with this. I hope you get GREAT results!

[BekZ]

Yep - it works. Mostly We try to give positive instruction rather than a multitude of "no's" and "don'ts" which is what I would otherwise happen with a 2yo

For example, bottoms go on chairs (as opposed to get off the table!!) etc

We also use positive praise repeatedly - and it is sooooo cute to see his face light up when he knows he has done something that we are so happy with / proud of / encouraging. Things like "good job" and "thank you for doing X, mummy is so happy when you do X" and "lovely manners" etc etc

You said what I was trying to say perfectly!!!

[shellbell3]

We try to use the positives. I do find myself at times saying no or don't but generally do try to make it more positive. I tend to go for the no when she doesn't take it the other way.

Praise is good for behaviours you want to continue. Like if she shares something I make a point of saying what a good girl she is and how nice it is to share.

[suse]

There's also an element of behaviour misdirection when using 'don't' in a request; the concept of 'don't' being abstract (or negative). In the same way that negative numbers are an abstraction, it is impossible to physically demonstrate the idea of 'don't' to a child, so it is usually just subtracted from the equation.

So for example, the phrase 'don't climb on the table' is often interpreted as 'climb on the table', because the 'don't' is simply subtracted from the instruction. Whereas 'sit on your chair' is a tangible alternative that is not open to misinterpretation.

This is especially true when using everyday words ('climb' and 'table' are good examples) that may also be used in a positive context. Although the child can usually tell that it is not being used in a positive context by the tone of voice, it is unclear to them what they should do instead. I suspect that my son's tantrums are less because he is not getting what he wants, and more because he is confused by the lack of clear direction he is being given.

And yes, praise, praise and more praise when they get it right!

[PinkPalace]

thanks girls

Suse - this is exactly what i am thinking.. hence why i am hoping i can improve my parenting to reduce the stress in my toddler

[suse]

LOL PP, and reducing stress in a toddler also reduces stress in a mum. It's a win/win situation