I have always asked whether the child can have whatever it is. I am even more aware of it now after having had a child with severe lactose intolerance. I have got a food allergy bracelet for her which does help, and in kids church she wears a food allergy sticker with dairy written on it. Most people are becoming more aware in the circles I am in of allergies and making sure that nothing is given to the kids without their parents approval. Fruit has been put out for coffee time after church recently because it can be hard to find dairy and gluten free products.
The only other parent who understands I'm not mean is a dietician and her husband I met recently! Even my mum thinks I'm mean for no lollies. She gave my friend's boy a lolly (with her blessing) and "felt mean" that I didn't want DS to have one! DS is on a no-cows-milk-products diet so he always asks before having food, and if I tell him it is a "cow food" thing he won't eat it.
BUT if someone buys him something to eat, I just thank them. Then eat it myself when DS is in bed. It's a nice thought. If they want to give DS it there and then I explain he can't have it because of his allergy, but then will give them a dairy-free alternative to give DS.
DD1 now will ask "does it have peanuts?" if she is offered anything but she is 3.5yo. Prior to that I was paranoid about her being given food. I always ask if I am going to give food to other people's children - I think it is just common sense as so many kids have allergies.
My biggest 'pet hate' with regard to other people giving my kids food is when it's given around meal times as I know they won't eat their dinner/lunch if they have just had a sweet. So the treat itself doesn't actually worry me that much (provided it's seen as a special thing, not an everyday thing) but god it annoys me if it's given before healthy food! My kids aren't particularly food orientated so I find they need to be peckish to eat their main meals so we limit snacks during the day. Hard work when some random person offers them an ice-cream at 4pm!
As Nai said... I would think it should be common sense to ask first... but you can't always count on common sense
It's funny how many people don't get it, a couple of years ago my boss wanted to give a lolly to every child that came in, & we had to tell him you can't do that! - then he wanted to know why? - best of intentions, mind you, but clueless anyway
Yep, I think people should check first but it kind of depends who it is as to how 'offended' I am.
There's a woman in the milk bar who always gives DD something when we go in. Sometimes it's junk like a mini bag of lollies and sometimes it's healthy like an apple. Now, I don't mind really because she obviously enjoys seeing DD and I think she grabs the first thing that comes to mind.
On the other hand, with friends I do mind. I had one who said, "what she's not allowed to have biscuits yet," when DD was only one. I think she wanted to use it as an opportunity to make a point that I'm an over-protective parent. I did mind that because she should have known better and when I said no, not questioned it. If it had been the other way around, I would have apologised for offering something that someone else's child wasn't allowed, not got huffy about it.
This all depends on the situation and who is doing it.
Frankly there is no point getting upset when an 80+ old lady offers a homemade biscuit. Have btdt trying to get them to understand it is not the done thing these days, but they are of the generation where additives etc were not an issue and for some reason they did not seem to have to deal with allergies. They think offering something homemade is a good thing and in basic sense, they are right, better than a lot the rubbish out there.
I have gone off before when we were at a Home Expo. DD1 had wandered to a nearby stand and had come back with lollies. Initially I had no idea where the lollies had come from, they could have come from a stange man in the crowd or she could have picked them up off the ground. So I started yelling at her "where did you get those lollies?" Finally a bloke at one of the stands admitted to giving them to her and I just yelled at him that he should have asked first. Had I known where they came from I would not have gotten angry.
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- best of intentions, mind you, but clueless anyway 
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