Funerals - Is 4 too young??

[blizz]

I'd say let her go, it may help her to put things a little in to perspective and I don't believe that seeing people cry because they loved, and are going to miss an important member of their lives is a bad thing it is important to display grief and let your children see you grieving then your little ones understand that it is ok to miss some one they love and that crying is a healthy way to relieve feelings of grief as long as the experience is supported by loving family members who can explain things when needed in an age appropriate way. I wanted to take Paige earlier this year when my MIL passed away and it was only that I was presenting in the funeral that I decided to make other arrangements for her she did attend the graveside with me and she was a source of distraction for people in a positive way, they talked to, and smile at her, she helped to lighten a really terribly sad occaision

[lilima]

Hi,
Firstly sorry for your loss.

I would let her go, but maybe organsie someone a little removed to take her out of the service if she gets too restless etc? (a close friend etc) I was recently at a funeral where a young man died. His 4 year old daughter was there, and she was very good, although really didn't understand what was going on. She was just more happy to see photos of her daddy. Also having youth there really helps people with their grief. Young children always manage to cheer people up, just when they need it.

[LilyOfTheValley]

My son was 4 when my mum passed away almost 4 years ago and he wanted to go and say goodbye to her, he wanted to go out to the gravesite to throw a flower in etc. He was asked the whole time what he wanted to do as thats what i wanted. Not long before my mum passed away his great pop passed and he wasnt allowed to attend the funeral and he wasnt happy about that as he didnt get the chance to say goodbye to him

I just think it all depends on them, what they want to do to say goodbye to the person

[*Ang*]

Thanks all for your advice and kind thoughts.

We ended up taking her to the service/funeral at the church and then my parents took her home. I was so so so proud of my gorgeous girl . She was perfectly behaved and very respectful and took it all in. She cried when DH got up and did the eulogy and when she recognised the people/events he was talking about. When he came and sat back down she climbed onto his lap crying for her Baba. She saw Baba's coffin being taken away and called it "Baba's treasure chest" which was so sweet, and we took her yesterday tot he gravesite whilst it is pretty and covered in flowers. She bent down to the flowers and ground and talked to Baba telling her about her day - it was lovely.

She nearly broke our hearts the other day tho when she proceeded to tell us out of the blue that all she wanted for her birthday was for Baba to come back. Can you tell how much I love this little girl???

[aussienic]

:hugs: sorry for your family's loss!

Your daughter sounds lovely. Rach75 mentioned about our Grandmother passing away earlier this year and what we did in regards to my children.. I do think the burial is to much for young children to deal with. We did go to the cemetary the day before and explained to the boys what was happening ect. then the day after we took them to the cemetary to say their own goodbyes again,

Now when we drive past they wave goodbye and say bye bye GG. (GG = Great Grandmum)

anyways my 4yr old son says some very sweet things like your daughter as well. They say goodnight to the moon and stars and say GG is in there now..

[MantaRay]

Wow Gaby's mum, I'm glad it went well. FWIW I think you made the right decision. And your little girl sounds so special, no wonder you are so proud.