Hair pulling

[Dollyroux]

DD pulls other children's hair. She does this when angry/wants *that* toy/frustrated by something else and a child is near by. Generally happens when she is tired and grumpy. If I say 'No' she tends to grab on harder.

I am making her say sorry and/or kissing the 'victim' and trying to ignore her and give attention to the victim.

She won't stay still for time out so thats not really an option. I'm thinking of putting her in her room when this happens but wouldn't mind some ideas on non-punitive ways of dealing with this? Anyone?

Thanks

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[Dollyroux]

Bump. Anyone? Bueller?


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[Miss.B]

Sorry hun, I don't have any suggestions......my DS pulls my hair all the time except I let him and now I'm thinking this might lead to a bad habit
I love your way of describing the other child/person as a 'victim'
Maybe try pulling her hair a little???? Not to hurt her or anything.... Once my DS bit on my finger angrily (lucky he has no teeth yet but it hurt nonetheless....) so I bit him back and he didn't do it again.
I hope someone can help........GL!

[Blixie]

other than "please do not do that, you are hurting name" "if you do that Name wont want to play with you" etc or if she is lashing out because she is frustrated maybe really focus on "if you get upset or mad (if someone makes you upset or mad) you need to use your words" and implement it in every situation... Not very helpful really... I'm another that just got whatever i did wrong done back to me. Hopefully you get the advice you need soon.
That's a good one OceanPrincess

[peanutter]

sorry, but I don't have any gentle suggestions ... my parents used to pull my hair back, which did end up working, but obviously isn't something you'd want to be emulating, if you're after no punitive options!

[OceanPrincess]

Hey Dolly

My DD is a pretty physical child. Used to be quite aggressive, like your LO by the sounds of it - when she wants something or when tired.

We started a new "rule" - keep your hands to yourself. The word rule is important - we now have a few, things like she asks before going to the fridge, stays in bed and stays quiet when it's sleep time etc.

The rules are supposed to tell her how to behave, not how NOT to behave if that makes sense. Much easier for them to process.

You're only supposed to have around 5 I think so we chose what was important to us. The Rules are our house rules.

So whenever we go anywhere where there will be other children, we talk about it and I ask her what our rule is about playing with other kids? And she knows now and says "keep hands to self" and claps her hands together when she says it.

The idea is you remind them before they do the behavior - if you can see a situation escalating, ask "what's our rule?" and hopefully it's enough to pull them back.

Mostly works with DD. Good luck. I found it much more constructive than saying "No! Don't do!" all the time!

[ubba82]

Ocean i really like your rule strategies. They really seem to make sense :-)

[Dollyroux]

Thanks ladies. I really like the 'Rules' idea and giving her something to do instead of NOT to do. Thanks ocean!


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[Mum2Romone]

we say , you don't touch other people, unless it's nice....

But then he started pulling my hair, after two weeks of " be nice to mummy " etc, my mum told me to pull his hair next time, so I did, not hard, but he was surprised and hasn't pulled my hair since.... Though he sometimes pulls his dads, but it's more of a wake up dad, don't ignore me , when DH tries to sleep in lol

[Livinthedream]

we say , you don't touch other people, unless it's nice....

But then he started pulling my hair, after two weeks of " be nice to mummy " etc, my mum told me to pull his hair next time, so I did, not hard, but he was surprised and hasn't pulled my hair since.... Though he sometimes pulls his dads, but it's more of a wake up dad, don't ignore me , when DH tries to sleep in lol

This is us, our DS was getting quite agro pulling DH's hair alot (I think it was a testosterone thing) we tried time out, smacking, ignoring, nothing worked, One day DH, our of sheer frustration,pulled DS hair back and he never did it again.
Worked for us.