My DD was like this at 3 as well. She hated the shower and hated having her hair washed. I bought one of things you put around their heads to stop the water from going into her eyes so that I didn't have to lay her down to wash it out and this helped a bit. I also gave her a flannel to put over her face. She is now 7 and loves the shower (I had to put a timer in there so that she will get out!), but still doesn't like the water in her eyes. Sometimes, she wears goggles in the shower to wash her hair! Maybe you could try those? Also, has she had any problems with her ears? A friends DD wouldn't go under any water for years as it hurt her ears, she constantly had ear infections and ended up with grommets, but still doesn't like the water near her ears.