Hi,

I hope you have found some help from the replies you have received already. I second much of the advice here.

My experience was very very much like yours, a beautiful DD who went from being a really settled baby and a great self settler to a terrible sleeper right around the 8 month mark. I became exhausted, a mess and began to seriously self-doubt my parenting. Even when I made some progress, the mere sound of her unsettling and crying in bed made me fall apart all over again. So stressful.

I tried a variety of methods of settling for about a month with no luck and was at my wits end, and eventually went to a sleep school. It was a fantastic experience, really supportive (I try to be an attached parent as much as possible and the sleep school definitely did not challenge my wishes) and I came away armed with new techniques and new found confidence.

My new approach was very similar to what ubba82 described (excellent advice!) We would put DD to bed and use a cue word or phrase like "shhh, sleepy time bubba" and then leave the room. We try to avoid overstimulating at this point, the idea is to give DD all the cues and help she needs to wind down and self settle. If she began to cry, we would go back in, avoid eye contact, repeat the sleep cue and pat her on the bottom until she calmed down. If she calmed, we left the room again to try to allow her to settle herself to sleep. If she got overly upset we left the room anyway for a brief bit and then re-entered and went through the calming process again. If she got upset again after we left the room... back to the process again. etc. This allowed DD time to settle herself but not to the point of letting her get too upset or hysterical. If DD stood up at anytime in her cot, we would simply lay her down again, avoid eye-contact, give the comforting cue phrase etc. Pretty soon, DD got the hang of it and would lay down as soon as we entered the room!

The point of all of this was to let DD know that we were there for her, never would we let her cry without comforting her, but that she needed to go to sleep when she was placed in her cot. The avoidance of eye contact was to make sure that we were making the bedtime settling the most boring we could possibly make it... ie: it wasn't time for play or interaction, it was time for sleep.

We used the same process for day naps and for any wakings in the night.

Incredibly, by following this process to the letter and remaining calm, DD's sleeping and settling began to improve right away, and she figured out how to settle herself on her own within a few days. It was SUCH a relief.

<mind you, she got a cold soon after and her sleeping fell apart again. When she was better, we were back to square one, or worse than square one in some ways! I was at a loss again so called a helpline for advice. They suggested to go back to the original plan so we started the process again and very very quickly, DD was back to sleeping like a baby.>

The most important thing about this is that you need to be there for your DD as she learns to sleep. that means going back to bed after you settle her makes it really really painful when you have to get up again to settle! I found it best to get out of bed when she woke in the middle of the night, go in and settle her, put the kettle on, make a cup of tea, go online, watch tv... whatever it took, and continue going in to her as needed. If I watched the clock, I went insane. If I went back to bed, the sound of her crying and the need to get out of bed again drove me insane. If I was up, it was easy to commit to the process.

Once I had these tools, I felt a sense of control over the situation and I knew I was doing the best for my DD. And as I mentioned, she responded really quickly and really well.

I wish you all the best, it is such a traumatic thing to suffer sleep deprivation and to have your child distressed. At 8 months your DD is at a perfect age to learn to self settle to sleep. I am more than happy to give you more details if you wish, please let me know.