How did you know you were 'finished'?

[Charlyfrog]

I'm just wondering if you got a 'feeling' when you knew you were done with having babies....

I keep feeling like I have "one more to give" iykwim my only thing is that DH feels like he's 'complete' with me and the girls. We've chatted about not closing the door completely until we're sure we're sure..........

............I worry about getting to the end of my 'bearing time' and feeling as though I wish I had had one more little cherub. At the same time, I don't want that to be the be all and end all of my happiness, if that makes sense? But then if I do have another, will I feel the same and yearn for another baby when that one grows???

Will that "one more" feeling go away????? Maybe its just because my 2nd baby has just turned 1 and seems to be growing up even faster than my first...

Apologies if this all seems a bit rambly and woffly.......

[krisp]

Hi Charlyfrog.
I would say that I'm definitely finished yet I still find myself absently rubbing my tummy from time to time. I'm 37 now and I know my clock has well and truely ticked and the battery has run down! I'm happy with my 2 sweet little people and I'm not willing to risk another one, as my age is against me now. I loved being pregnant and I would happily be pregnant again, in fact if I was 10 years younger I think I would offer to be a surrogate for someone wanting a bub. I 'do pregnancy' really well, no morning sickness and no other problems so I think how fabulous it would be to cook a bub for a couple unable to conceive.
Oh well, that's all behind me now. Oh to be younger.......

[~clover~]

I'm feeling the same. We both agreed DS would be the last, but now I'm not so sure. I get severe m/s when I am pg with girls & had seperated pelvis with DS & am still in pain. So why???
I dunno. I don't want to go through all that again, but when I look into DS's baby face, it makes me long for more.
I just hope I'm not silly enough!!

[mbear]

I dont think for me that urge will ever go away. I could have 10 children - but finances and my sanity wont allow it.

DH was happy with 2 DD's.....i didnt feel complete, i knew i wanted/needed another. We fell pregnant whilst i was b/f and on mini pill when DD#2 was 9 months old - so my prayers were answered i guess you could say.

Now 3 daughters on, i feel complete - i think . Ive stared to pack the bouncy away, the bassinette away, thinking to myself 'will it ever be used again?'. I thought i was over it...then TODAY DH says 'would you go again for #4 if we were guaranteed to have a boy.? I think i would". **** !!! I was speechless, i thought we were finished making babies, i thought a #4 was a NO , NO. But now thats he's put the thought in my mind, im getting a bit excited......

I think when im 60,70 years old, i will always feel clucky around babies. I love being pregnatn, i love the whole newborn thing. But i guess there does come a time when you have to start enjoying what you've got, start the next chapter of your life and live it !!!!

Good luck.

[Trillian]

I always knew that I wanted 4 children, had considered having 5, but now that I have 4 I know I am done - so much so DH has had the chop LOL, but I admit that I didn't know if I would ever feel *finished* and that it would be a hard decision to make, but I am fine with it now and know that it is the right thing, even though I *knew* it was kwim? I still love the idea of being pg and having a baby and all that, I don't think that feeling ever goes away, but I don't have that deep yearning that I did when I only had 1, 2 and 3 children so I guess deep down inside I always knew that 4 was the right number for me and now that I have it I don't need to feel like that anymore.

That said if by some reason of fate that we manage to get pg again (and if we do we shall be calling the baby Houdini ) we wouldn't be unhappy at all - surprised but not unhappy.

[~Flossie~]

i am in the same boat.. i dont feel our family is what it is meant to be, i am thrilled with the 2 children we have, but can still see us with at least another child, I yern to be pregnant again and have another child but for the moment its not going to happen.

For the moment we are going to concentrate on getting rid of the mortgage as much as possible and looking at our long term goals, we will take some o/s holidays, upgrade our car, things that we want to do and then we will see..

Our DD also starts school next year, so i want 2009 to be about her, not a new baby, i really want to be able to be involved in her school as much as possible, and although i know that this could be done with a pregnancy or a new born it is not what we are choosing to do.

I am having an IUD put in this week, and in 12 months time, DH & I will talk about our family and our goals once again.. so its not out of the question to have more children its just on the back burner!

[MantaRay]

I'm the same too charly. We agreed on two and in some ways I know that's right for us due to our age and other factors. And DH definitely doesn't want more. But part of me will always long for another I think. To a certain extent I think that's inevitable. I guess the thing is you have to decide whether you can live without regret if you don't have another - and I mean real regret, not pangs when you see a nb bubba. That should help make it clearer. I also try to look at the positives of just 2.

I do know that if we had started younger we most likely would have had more. So I guess that's something people should consider if they delay to save money first or whatever, sometimes that does limit your options.

[Astrid]

I feel very similar to Carley and Mantaray. We are stopping with 2 and I do feel mostly complete. I do mourn the loss the I will not get to have a chance at a natural birth and that I will not get to got through the newborn stage again. Those things though are not enough to have another. Like Manta our age has limited the amount of children we would like to have, we would like to have a bit of a life once they have left home, plus I feel the lack of sleep more-so than in my twenties.

I hate to admit it, but the whole process of baby making makes me feel a bit in limbo, like we cannot get on with plans, careers etc. I kind of disliked the what-ifs of not having a complete family, car size, house size, hanging onto baby gear etc. Now we have stopped I feel more comfortable about making major decisions and knowing that when I start work again I can have real go at my career, rather than just making a bit of money to help out. I almost feel relieved to be able to get on with things, I suppose that could be what feeling finished is like for me.

[Dragonbub]

It is different with us because we want one more. Well, I want two more, but DH doesn't want any, so that leaves us comprimising at one more. DS is such a handful that somedays I ponder whether I could do it again I will cherish the next pregnancy knowing that it will most likely be my last. Although we are still relatively young, I don't think we will end up having more. Like others have said, there is a certain "lifestyle" decision you have to make as well. I am the primary money earner, so it takes its toll if I am off work for too long. I know there is more to life than money, but that is a decision each individual can make for themselves.