This could be me too- although I am really really lucky that DD2 is a take along baby, she is settled and happy most of the time.
My capsule has been my best friend, being able to settle her to sleep in her capsule if I need to pick dd1 up from school. I have tried to get ito the habit of getting dinner prepared in the middle of the day, so at the feral hour it can just be chucked on- or I use the slow cooker.
I agree about letting stuff go, sometimes you just have to say no- especially as being out of the house all over the place can be so unsettling, for bubs. I guess at the end of the day you just have to take each day as it comes, and micro manage- if that means everybody spends the whole day in the pj's and eats toast for breakfast lunch and dinner then so be it!