How do you get your toddler to go to bed?

[Campari]

Our DD is 2.5yrs too and has only recently accepted bedtime, despite us having a very calming bath / book / cuddle routine in place for 2 years... She went through a big phase of refusing to go to sleep, and we ended up co-sleeping which we were OK with, but before I had #2 we tried so hard to get her to sleep in her own bed, and go to bed at a reasonable hour. I so hear your pain!!

What has worked for us is making a HUGE deal about how good she is to sleep in her own bed. I made a story book with photos of her asleep - right from when she was a baby to now.. just wrote a little story about how she is a big girl and big girls sleep in their own beds, and she can come in to Mummy's bed for little cuddles if she needs to but they she has to go back to her own bed... I covered the book with fluffy material and glittery stars, and she LOVES it. Wants to read it all the time. We also made a big deal about telling people (visitors, friends, childcare teachers etc) "DD was SUUUUCCCH a good girl last night, she slept in her own bed ALL night".. Now when we put her in to bed she wants to know who we are going to tell! If its a childcare day coming up I say "tomorrow I am going to tell Miss Gemma that you were sooooo good and slept in your own bed all night", and DD will remind me to tell her carer as we drive in to the centre! She loves stories about herself, so if she is being stubborn and crying and not settling, I will often sit with her in her room and tell her a story about what she has done throughout the day, and about how clever she was (lots of positive stuff), this seems to calm her down. Then end the story with how good she is to go to sleep in her own bed.

Sorry for long rambling reply. This is all very fresh for us and I totally understand about stressing relationships. My DH is similar and was wanting to let her cry it out, but fortunately we have avoided that and things seem to be going well now. Just in the nick of time, as we had a new baby 3 weeks ago and now he is in our bed and keeping us up late!

Good luck and big hugs. x

[RhiChiChi]

Similar situation here - must be the age (DD is 2.5 yo)....

We pretty much have a routine (dinner, bath/shower, pjs on, milk, quiet time, brush teeth, bed & sometimes a book (depends if DD wants one read or not) etc... but one thing we are constantly doing is telling DD 'in 30 mins it is bedtime, in 15 mins it is bedtime' then 'in 10 mins it is bedtime' and so on.... so she knows that bedtime is coming. Sometimes she'll argue, other times she is ok with it. Depends on her mood.

Another thing we did was to say to DD that we will shut the door if she didn't stay in her bed. Sometimes, no problem, but other times she would be up and then we'd put her back to bed & shut the door. She'd throw the biggest tantrum, I'd give her a little time and then carefully (she was usually right up against the door) open the door & reiterate why we shut the door and tell her that if she doesn't stay in bed, the door will be shut again. Usually only need to do it once & then she won't try it again.

GL. Some great tips from the other ladies

[Artechim]

Another thing we did was to say to DD that we will shut the door if she didn't stay in her bed. Sometimes, no problem, but other times she would be up and then we'd put her back to bed & shut the door. She'd throw the biggest tantrum, I'd give her a little time and then carefully (she was usually right up against the door) open the door & reiterate why we shut the door and tell her that if she doesn't stay in bed, the door will be shut again. Usually only need to do it once & then she won't try it again.

This is what we do, except that it doesn't work and gets repeated over and over for an hour or two (he certainly doesn't get his stubbornness from me ).

Cally, we have a star chart for bedtime, but it seems to be dead in the water - it hasn't been touched for the last few weeks.

We were going reasonably well for a while, with him going to straight to sleep some nights, but then we took away his bottle (due to tooth decay) which has caused it to escalate. I will have a chat to DH about a baby gate, but I suspect that it will take him about 2 seconds to figure out how to open it.

[Cally]

[QUOTE]Cally, we have a star chart for bedtime, but it seems to be dead in the water - it hasn't been touched for the last few weeks.[QUOTE]
Kind of like our star chart for staying in her bed all night.....

Our gate has a latch over the top that requires a grown up hand to open it as you have to squeeze a little button each side as you lift it up. Would be very difficult for him to do (even knowing how clever the little rascal is). However, if he is determined enough he could just charge at it and unless it's fixed into the door frame with screws (which you wouldn't want to do) he could still get it. Fingers crossed he's not that persistent.

What about a bottle of water, would that be OK? Not as much of a tooth decay issue. Or a sippy cup, DD has one from Kala's little stars (I think) that can be upside down and doesn't leak at all. Does he still get his bedtime milk while you read stories etc?

[Ginger]

arte, i'll tell you what we do with L some nights when he won't go to bed. I know W and L have had similar types of sleep issues in the past, so it may or may not work for you. Basically from about 8pm onwards we let him lie in his fold-out couch out in the lounge room with us. eventually when he's nice and relaxed he'll gently fall asleep and then when we go to bed we carry him into his bed. Not an ideal scenerio, i know, but way better than having a fight every night.

[Artechim]

Cally, we tried to substitute a bottle of water - he screamed so loud I thought the neighbours would call the police!

Ginger, unfortunately he seems to be allergic to sleep and if we left him to get sleepy on his own he would be up until at least 10pm every night. I am so glad that L's sleeping has improved so much for you though

We tried going back to the start and sitting in his room with him (thanks Fig) - first night he wriggled around a bit and went to sleep after about 20 minutes, the second night I won front row tickets to an hour long tantrum but tonight it only took 15 minutes. Guess we will keep on going with it and see what happens...

[MrsFabuloso]

I haven't read the whole thread so I'm not sure what everyone has said, but here's some of my suggestions (and by no means am I any kind of exert, my kids are both terrible settlers and sleepers too!

*Maybe try putting him to bed earlier. Just by 5-10mins every 2-3days or so, but maybe a 7pm bed time would be better for him. If he's not having day sleeps and not settling for an hour or two, at least if he's going to bed at 7pm, then he'll be asleep by 9pm at the latest, and he'll get a good 10hrs sleep. I think they still need at least 10-12 hrs sleep a day at his age. And as the saying goes, sleep breeds sleep.

*Maybe try giving him things that will help him sleep, like a small glass of milk before bed, rub some scented oils/creams onto his skin after a bath (massage and relaxing scented oils always make me sleep!) maybe some rescue remedy into a glass of water??

*Have you tried just asking why he doesn't like to go to bed anymore? Is bubs still up when he goes to bed? If baby is still up maybe try putting them to sleep at a similar time with bubs going down first (I know, not that easy!! But if possible it might work!) Maybe let him help set a routine, ask him what he would like to do when it's bed time (ie how he wants to relax, with a story/massage/cuddles with mum or dad on the lounge, if he wants a night light on in his room to fall asleep with, if he wants you to lay with him to fall asleep.....)

Good luck. I hoep you can work it out. I know how frustrating sleep issues are. If it helps you feel better, DH and I are still co sleeping with both our kids, dummies, blankies, laying with them for up to an hour.... so very, really, really REALLY not ideal or how we want it, but it's what we can deal with at the moment, so that's how it is!

Above all consistency is paramount. I know it's hard but if both you and DH can be on the same page doing the same routines, then it will be easier for him to get back into a routine.