How do you keep your toddler from running away in the shops?

[loulabelle]

I can honestly say I bargaining works with both my girls 95% of the time. Very rarely do I ever have to leave the shops due to misbehaviour. Actually I rarely have to bargain with them either. We talk about what we're doing down the shops, things we see etc, that keeps them happy and busy normally. Normally they only play up when they are tired or out of sorts.
This morning I took both girls down the street, we went to the supermarket, through 3 large busy carparks, then to 2 video shops. They both held hands, they both walked by themselves and stayed within their boundaries. There was no bribes. Both were good.
Personally I don't think of it as wasting my time or energy, Im teaching my girls that there are ramifications to their actions even when they are outside of the home. I would rather do that than put them on a harness, actually I would personally use all other options before the harness! May I just say we have rarely used a pram or stroller even since birth. Even trolleys are rarely used, normally if I will be in need of one. Since both girls could walk they have held hands and walked down the street, our pram and stroller are only used when we go on long walks etc where the girls are likely to need a rest.
Oh and yes as a parent I do find using a harness offensive. Thats my point of view, thats how DH and I feel as parents, as adults.

Try trying to stop an spectrum toddler. Kids are who they are too, some are more difficult than others. If being a good parent was all it took to make sure children didn't run off, there wouldn't be harnesses in the first place.



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[cheekyfrog]

I bought a panda harness for DS and found it wasn't that helpful because he goes on strike (sits down, lies down) and so I'd end up having to carry him anyway. And I can't carry him very far, especially if he's struggling. I'm 5'1" and he's now 16kg. Shopping continues to be a nightmare. I've recently begun doing online grocery shopping to avoid the worst of it. An option that only became available to me this year. Yesterday I took DS to DFO so that we could buy him a little guitar and a book. Never made it to the shop as he kept lying on the ground. I managed to con him to let me carry him a little way and I took my chance and got him out of there. He turns into an ironing board and screams if I try to put him into the stroller or into the seat on the trolley if he doesn't want to go in it. When he goes in without fuss and stays there, he is lavished with praise.
I will try the harness again though because he has given me two frights recently, walking away from the car without waiting for me and starting off across a carpark without waiting for me. My thinking is that even if your child is perfectly compliant and well trained to walk with you it just takes ONE momentary lapse and they're gone forever. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I am hoping the harness will work this time. If I had someone to go shopping with me, maybe it wouldn't be that awful. But single parent I am and I work full time. That's my reality. Of course the other option is to do all my shopping online...

[beansbeans!]

I never said I was a wonderful parent, actually Im far from it. I answered the op question about how you handle kids down the street, and expressed my position on harnesses. As I have already said it doesnt make me a better parent than anyone else, its what works for us, and wasnt that the original question?
But why are you judging me for not using one? I'll say it again, Im not a wonderful parent, I have a lot to learn when it comes to parenting, actually I have a lot to learn fullstop. The only experience I have with harnesses is from my firends who use them. I don't judge them for using it, but I am allowed to have my own opinion of them and shouldnt be judged for holding opinion.
And yes kids are who they are, so are harder than others. just because one thing works with one, doesn't mean it will work with another. even I know that with my own children.
Harnesses wont work on their own, they wont teach children what they need to know, they only restrain them. and they can't be expected to work on their own either. They are not failsafe and should not be thought of that way either. Thats all I'll say about them.

[Doing my best]

beansbeans, I am so happy that you have worked out a way to go out and don't need a pram/trolley/harness for your children, and would honestly be in heaven with one shopping trip like that. But we make the best of the situation we have.

I am not against the fact you don't agree with a harness, but one of your earlier posts was a tad off putting for me.. The one where you said that you dislike seeing parents use them as they tug and yank children around. Do you really think that is the way all parents use them? To me that was just insulting all the parents who use them for whatever reason they do..

ETA. I never thought I would use one either, but unfortunately, when I had DS, I started panicking about leaving the house without another person. Those attacks got worse when DS started walking. I would loved to have not used one, but I need to leave the house.

[briggsy's girl]

I am not against the fact you don't agree with a harness, but one of your earlier posts was a tad off putting for me.. The one where you said that you dislike seeing parents use them as they tug and yank children around. Do you really think that is the way all parents use them? To me that was just insulting all the parents who use them for whatever reason they do..

that comment rubbed me up the wrong way too

my rule is to hold hand whilst wearing it, i.e. not just holding the end like a dog lead and looping the loop through my wrist for my own peace of mind unless both hands are busy (when opening my purse for example).

this is what happens with us. Depending on what we're doing and where we're going, we may use the pram or trolley, but if DD can walk somewhere, i'd rather she walked. we put the puppy harness on her back at her request (Gotta love hearing "spot SPOT" when she sees it) and we hold her hand with the harness looped on our wrist. she doesnt' get dragged along like some beligerent animal (but hey, i'm someone that wouldn't use a collar and lead for my dogs either - i used harnesses so they weren't tugging on their necks, and would stop and start a hundred times so they weren't being dragged along).

anyway - DD is allowed to let go of us provided she talks to us about what she wants to do (normally to look at animals or to eat something that she wants two hands for - otherwise, it's to push the trolley). she is conscious of the harness, and just doesnt' run off - but it has helped us more than once when she has tried to take off in a car park.



FWIW - i wasn't a fan of the harnesses pre-DD either. BUT i'm not always in a position to have a pram with me, trolleys LOOK uncomfy to be sitting in for prolonged periods, and i'd rather DD had a chance to walk around, explore and learn her limits - safely.

[~Kim~]

I don't normally weigh into debates, but beansbeans I think the fact that you said you took offence to them was not answering a question. It was blanket judging.
Yes you most certainly are entitled to an opinion, but saying like is was something damaging was very potentially hurtful to parents who, like you are just trying to do their best. Fair enough if it was for dangerous advice, but seriously, toddlers don't have any impulse control so isn't keeping them safe first and learning boundaries when they are able more important than moral parenting high horse?

[~Hestia~]

I'm another that never considered using a harness...until Moo started to walk. He is a runner & can very easily get away from us. Yesterday he ran off in the supermarket & was halfway across the shop before I got to the end of the aisle! I plan to use the harness as others have mentioned - holding his hand/him holding the pram strap with it around my wrist. I'm at the point where I don't go shopping alone as he screams & tries to get out of his pram, it's just too stressful. It doesn't bother me what other people might think because he is my child & I know what is best for us.

[beansbeans!]

I don't normally weigh into debates, but beansbeans I think the fact that you said you took offence to them was not answering a question. It was blanket judging.
Yes you most certainly are entitled to an opinion, but saying like is was something damaging was very potentially hurtful to parents who, like you are just trying to do their best. Fair enough if it was for dangerous advice, but seriously, toddlers don't have any impulse control so isn't keeping them safe first and learning boundaries when they are able more important than moral parenting high horse?

Actually I did answer her question in my first post. My objection to harneses was separate. I am sort of blanket judging, I am judging them from what I have seen when it comes to my friends using them, not from strangers using them. Also judging me for not using them is damaging, that makes me feel like I am a lesser aprent because I do not wish to conform to the general consenus that harnesses are good. And I am defintely not judging from a 'moral parenting high horse'. wouldnt even claim to do so, actually I havent so far, and will never do so.

[~Kim~]

not judging your stand at all darl, just your phrasing.

[loulabelle]

I am not judging you for not using a harness. I actually have never used one myself, but am considering it.
Your tone, your words and blanket judging is what has offended me.
You actually said in one post that you're offended by harnesses. How does that make a parent who has exhausted all options and still has to use one feel? Like crap. Safety is first and if a harness is what keeps them safe then a harness is what needed. It's just not as simple as teaching your children, teach all you like but a toddler is not always going to do what you want.


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[Kazzo]

I too am just wondering how someone else using a harness is offensive to you (even if they are your friends tugging their kids around). Okay you can not like them and not want to use them, but I still don't understand why someone using one is offensive to you? It really has nothing to do with you for you to find it offensive, they are not doing anything to you.

[ladybird11]

[Livinthedream]

I flat out refuse to use a harness, just will not do it. I really dislike watching parents use them, the kids are being pulled and yanked in different directions, IMO boundaries arent really being set (well from what I can tell from friends who use them). (please don't take offence anyone)

I think you will find that this is what most people are taking offence at.
You cant really make a statement like this and expect folks not to take offence.
I use a harness (monkey). When DS is inside and happy to walk next to me, monkeys tail (lead) is normally looped around monkeys neck and DS is totally free to do as he wishes, but outside, in the carpark monkey is around my wrist, the same hand I am holding DS's hand with.
For me, its a little extra insurance that he wont take off in front of a car.
I have never really seen these leads/harnesses being abused by parents. But that must be just me.

[Mum2SweetCs]

I agree with PP about strapping our kids to the pram, whats the diff with a harness? A harness provides more freedom than a pram thats for sure and DD has tried struggling out of a pram so hard, I just had to give up and let her come out.

How about those skateboard things at the back of the pram? they look like fun. I havent tried one but that might be another option

[loulabelle]

Hugs


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[boomba]

Parenting is such a hard job and having children that run off in different directions when trying to do a few errands is very stressful. I think we as mothers have to do what is right for us. And if that means using a harness for safety then we do it. I personally dont have one. Have thought about it but have not ever got around to getting one.

Please be kind to each other and our parenting choices we are all in this together and we need to support each other with our choices xxxxx

[Razzberry]

Oh Geez, I didn't want this thread to turn into a debate, I just wanted opinions

[LuluHB]

I used a harness on DD1 for a while. She went through a stage (thankfully passed now!) where she was off in a heartbeat. She wasn't being naughty - just that she was very curious about things and was very quick on her wee little feet. My girls are 12 months apart and when DD1 hit 2 yr old I struggled enormously at shops. I would have a 2 year old who was very quick and inquisitive, together with a 12 month old who was insistent on walking too because that's what her sister did. DD2 wore a monkey harness too, but only because DD1 had one and so she wanted one too. She didn't need it and most of the time I either unclipped the tail so it was literally just a backpack, or DD2 held her own "tail". While there are some people out there who could definitely do with a bit of a firmer hand in disciplining their children, I think there needs to be more understanding that all children are different. Some are naturally more adventurous than others, and with the best will in the world, a 2 year old in a moment of excitement is not always going to take the split second to remember that Mummy said not to walk away.

I agree with PPs in that I don't feel there is any difference whatsoever between forcing a child to sit in one position, ie in a pram or trolley), and putting a harness on them. In fact, if anything with a harness I think they have a little more freedom.