How do you know when u have enough love for another?
so im not really sure where to post this for the best feedback...
I know i want more kids, i want them so bad... but at the moment i am torn between waiting and going ahead. I want to wait for a number of reasons, I spose the main one being i cant possibly imagine sharing my Eden time with anyone else, also i think i'd miss out on all the amazing things she does and we share, and i wouldn't want her to miss out on me either... We do everything together, we're never apart, we sleep together and wake up next to each other, I carry her everywhere... I also want Eden to know i am pregnant and understand and be excited and know what is happening and to be at the birth of her sibling...
How do you know when you have enough love for more than one child? How will I ever get my head around this? It is constantly on my mind.. It makes me so sad some times that what i have now with Eden might disappear.. Has anyone else had this struggle or am i just being silly...
Any stories or shared thoughts are graetly appreciated.
xoox
Gill, your feelings are very normal. I think most mums with one kid thinking about more feel the same way. I know I did. But then number 2 came along and he brought a whole heap more love with him. I love Jack as much as I did, but now I love Tom that much too. It's amazing how much capacity for love we have. And now, several times a day I watch the boys playing together, hugging each other, reaching out for each other in the morning, lighting up at the sight of each other, and I think wow, whatever Jack missed out on having to share me with his brother, he sure made up for by having a brother to love (and be loved by). And I wouldn't change a thing.
Melanie R- thanks for replying so quick...and they are close in age too... did you plan that? Did you find it hard, or do you find it hard... I think about that - lighting up when they see each other. Eden lights up when shes sees other babies and family she recognises so i can imagine a baby thats her sister/ brother she'd go nuts over
Yes they are close, 19 months (would have been 20 but Tom was early!). We were TTC but I was happily surprised about how quickly it happened. I think in our case a small gap has worked well as the boys are great mates. Jack has not had any jealousy, he loved Tom from day one. And he was just old enough to understand about Tom being a baby and his brother etc, and also independent enough that he could do things himself while I was feeding a baby etc.
It has it's moments Gill, but overall it's not too hard. I was sick a lot during the pg, so I found that hard with a toddler. At times I wondered if I was mad. And also the first 6 weeks or so with a new baby were very full on (especially as all our plans were thrown into chaos by the early arrival and DH ended up having to be off from work while I was in hossy and then go back to work). And there are days when they are both teething or sick and it's exhausting. But mostly, on a day to day basis it just isn't as hard as I thought it would be. They both sleep at the same time most days so I get things done (and time to myself). And they both go down for the night early as well. Tom's routine has slotted in around Jack's nicely. Also, they play together well so I can get things done while they play together for a while. As I said in the other post, I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing.
My 2 kids will be no more then 10.5-11 months apart....i will have the time and the love for them both. I couldnt imagine a bigger age gap. Chelsea may not understand shei s going to be a bigger sister in a tad over 13 weeks time but she sure will eventually. I would devote every minute of my life to them both.
Some told me im robbing Chelsea of her life, not allowing her to grow up and be herself. But i have room in my life for her sibling... now and in the future. I have more then enuf love to share.. and my love will continue to grow each and every second i see Chels and feel bub move and kick.
I waited....i was preg 6 weeks after birth....that was long enuf for me... M2 was not a mistake but very much planned and welcomed by DH and me... maybe not by 90% of everyone else... but it was our choice.
but why am i completely flooded with these thoughts? why does it seem that my body is screaming to be pregnant again but my heart says, maybe wait? I feel so indecisive about this... Its driving me mad, totally consuming me ...maybe i will know when its right because my head, heart and womb will all be on the same page???
Last edited by Edensmumma; July 19th, 2007 at 08:59 PM.
I'm not sure that it works that way! Once you are a parent, you feel so protective of the child you have. You also feel guilty about pretty much everything.Therefore every decision is that much harder to make.
I know exactly what you mean. I wondered if I was doing the right thing by Jack. Especially when I was pg. But now I know I was. And having a second child might not be the right thing for everybody. For me it was. I don't know about you. But if your heart is telling you to do it so badly, maybe it's right! If you are worried about having enough love, don't, I'm sure you will. If you are worried about how DD will react, well I don't know the answer to that. But my guess is that there will be good times and bad times, but in the end the good times will win out.
I did fall prg when DD was 12 months but sadly we lost our angel. I am now prg again and I still wonder about sharing my time and my love, even though there will be a much bigger age gap than I ever wanted and we went through hell and back to have this baby.
It is a very personal choice. Kim is having her babies very close together and obviously for her, that is right. But for me it wouldn't be, I'd feel like my DD was missing out on that special time when it's just me and her. For everyone that 'time' is different.
Kim sweetie, I honestly mean you no offence when I say that, I know how happy you are to have another little bundle on the way and I think that's wonderful, I'm just trying to make the point that what works for one isn't right for another.
thanks ladies, ur feedback is so greatly appreciated.... it can be such a lonely place tho, when u need to rely on urself and it feels that you cant... I agree.. the guilt of this decision is what makes it so hard. I believe when it is time i will know...
like most other ppls comments i agree that different ppl have very diff opinions on this. i am due Nov and will have a 20 month age gap. this was planned as we wanted them close. For me the reasoning behind this is i am alot closer to my Sisters (i have a twin and one who is 2 yr younger) than i am to my older sister (8 yr dif) We also thought while we still have all of our baby gear and still in practice now would be perfect. i know i will love this baby just as much and think of what i am giving my DD rather than what she will be missing. My husband also wanted this 2nd bub but now worries that he wont love it as much or the same way. on the other hand i have a close friend expecting the same time as me and her DD will be 5 she chose to wait so No 1 is at school and will be lots more help. It's def up to the individual but deep down you should know what you want. good luck in the decision making.
Gil I think every first time motherfeels this way,I think evey mother asks herself "How can I possibly love another child". It is very normal to have these thoughts. I had them, I couldn't imagine loving another child, I felt like I was cheating on her, she was my entire world, all through my pregnancy with Makayla I felt to guilty, like I was taking something away from her by having another baby, But I was soooooooooooo Wrong, lol and I have the hindsight and experience to laugh at myself and have a little giggle at first timers expense on this very issue.
Love does not divide, Love is not limited, you will feel such emmense feelings of love and joy for your second child and it will not affect your love for your first child. I love my children equally (maybe not all on the same day, lol). The greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling, I know Eden has a Sister already, But she is so much older then her, which is great for later but to grow up with a sibling and share the journey. JMO but with your DH being not so young,:P lol. I would have another one sooner then later, but that's just me. I never put much thought into falling pg except for Allanah and that took a couple of years.:P You are not being silly it is a perfectly normal and common thought.
o Dee, i definately wanna have another, and prolly two more... its just when.. and exactly what you said- Paulie is 41 soon... so i have to think of that, and i dont wanna have to be forced into this decision, IYKWIM? it is so lovely to see Eden with Emma, apart from mummy and daddy Emma is the only person she has never cried with.. and just now at the park Eden nearly fell asleep on Emma's shoulder, so beautiful. I guess i just want the baby stage not to be missed? make sense? its like every second counts now, as they get older i think its easier... But this talking has really helped, thanku so much everyone.
xoox
Never, never have I stopped to think about how I would have enough love, or time or anything for another!
It's never been an issue or a thought! Maybe because my Dh & I had issues falling pregnant with #2, but at no time have I ever wondered how or what, or why.
I have heard friends say thye werent sure they could have another due to being so in love with their 1st baby... I also felt & had & still have immense love & a close relationship with Maddison, but I also feel the same about Indah, as I know I will about Zyon...
I know that love just gets bigger you dont start off with 1kg of love & have to share that amount, it jsut grows!
I hope this doesnt come out wrong as I am not doubting anytone else's opinions, feelings etc..
But honestly I have never ever had those feelings, I just knew & if I was younger & hadnt had such a HUGE gap between #1 & 2, I reckon 6 wouldnt have been too many for us!!!
You will know, although a friend of ours has just conceived #2 their oldest is almost 5, she was adamant she'd neverjavbe anymore coz she couldnt love another like she loved her son!?? She was very open & opinionated about only loving him & not having room to love another! Well it has taken them 5yrs!??
Best of luck, it will be the right time, whenever it happens!!!
Personally for me, we have always wanted 3 chidlren so since day one with Flynn I have had that at the back of my mind. I adore the little guy, but even as a little bub if I was in the middle of going to the loo or something I couldn't stop and he'd cry I'd say to him (and myself) "mate you are gonna have to get used to waiting, cause one day you will have a brother or sister. Not that he listened to me of course! But it helped me get used to the idea. Maybe you could try doing similar things?
I am also reading a good book at the moment about these sorts of issues and the dilemmas of loving more than one - it is called "Three Shoes, One Sock and No Hairbrush - everything you need to know about having your second child". You can get it pretty easily on Amazon and I do recommend it.
I think its a pretty normal feeling to have.
Someone, I think its a mod, as something like 'love doesn't divide it multiplies' but a bit more eloquently put in their signature and I think its really true.
I've thought the same sorts of things a few times myself, but I keep bring myself back to the thought that we have an amazing ability to love, and that with each child we have the love will just grow.
Tracey- maybe i just worded the question wrong... i have no doubt that i have enough love for many children... i think its more the timing im worried about... and maybe im also concerned about a small house and money and no family close by... I cant wait for Eden to look at a baby and for her to go... o a baby that belongs to my family, caz shes so in awe of babies now... and im scared of getting all caught up in wanting to be pregnant again and then worrying too much or feeling guilty and ruining the experience... Maybe i should just put it out of my mind and when i get a slap in the face(like i did with the need for Eden) I will know it is time...
Did i mention to you all i dont even have AF back yet,... LOL so it is prolly just me making a mountain out of a molehill.. altho its nice to hear im not alone.
How do you know when u have enough love for another?
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