Buy a hair washing jug - has a rubber side the molds to their forehead so they don't get it in their eyes, and you just do it.
You can also get foam topless hat kind of things - looks like the brim of a hat. Keeps the water out of their eyes.
You can try the shower, but I had much more success with a 3 inch deep bath and laying them down in it.
Basically, you just do it. Talk her through it, stay calm, give her a folded up dry facewasher to hold over her eyes and talk her through it. She will calm if you do, and you only need actually WASH her hair once a week or so, unless otherwise needed. **ETA: But she needs to be washed, properly, in a bath or shower. A flannel in the sink don't cut it when they are that age. It's your job to teach her personal hygiene. She needs to wash.
Part of being a parent is teaching them that there are things that need to be done, and while you can try many different ways to get them done, she will just have to do it sometimes. Quick like a cat
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