I feel like such a failure...

[misty]

Just wanted to give you hugs. You are completely describing my experiences with my DD. You have had some good advice to try here. My tip is to try and find support. Someone who you can turn to and explain your frustrations, who will just sit and listen (not nessecarily give advice) and who can give you practical help when you are really struggling. (ie, they can take bubs for a walk outside - or somewhere you cann't hear bubs cry - while you have a bath or a sleep or a cry.) Because as distressing as the lack of sleep is, it is really the mental side of it all that is the big challenge.


The other thing I haven't heard mentioned yet (but I may have missed it) is the idea of a sleep school or a sleep consultant who actually comes into your home and helps you set up a routine you can live with. Talk to your mchn about it, I am sure they should have some suggestions as to where you can get these kinds of services.

[nattyfred]

Hi Em, it was when my dd was about the same age as yours that I finally went to a sleep school. Not the answer for everyone but I did learn some new skills which helped both me and I didn't want to do it any earlier but she screamed for the first six months of her life, it was awful. I had to try something new for my sanity as I felt like a big failure too (which I wasn't and neither are you x) I could have as much hands on as I was comfortable with but I noticed within 24 hours that V was so relieved to be getting some decent sleep I just couldn't believe it. I'd be happy to have a conversation with you about it or you could look at my old posts to get an idea of the situation. You are doing a great job honey, it's ok that you need to leave the room sometimes. You can't be everything to everybody all the time x x

[Arcadia]

I don't really have any new advice...but it really helped when I let go of all expectations. Pretend you've never seen or met another baby in your whole life and everything your dd is doing is because she is supposed to do it. Then look at how you can get more support for you. Can you nap on the weekends, or get the freezer full of meals to take the pressure off the week days.

My dh runs a business too so I know how tough that is.

You're doing an amazing job. Babies are hard work, but so worth it and as hoti says, the harder the baby, the more rewarding those small gains.

[Eenee]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions, would reply individually but hard to on my iPod.

Sleep school: have thought about it but it concerns me that they won't let me co sleep and I will not handle having DD in another room. We only stopped co sleeping at one point because DH said she was in cot up against our bed. But now back in bed with us. She starts off in cot til I come to bed and then she rolls her self on in for cuddles lol.

Thankyou so much to everyone that has replied, having the support and suggestions helps so thankyou for taking the time to reply. Will come back and reply better later when I'm on the computer.

Barb: yes she has started solids (we are doing baby led). She has only had fruit and veg introduced and is not swallowing great deals yet. But yes I have noticed she is a tad worse. We have also recently got rid of her dummy that she was having at sleep times which I introduced at 5weeks for my sanity after being pressured into using one. But it was causing more troubles then it was worth. Sleep is no better or worse since we got rid of it. DH gets boosting and stomach upset and diarrhea from dairy. Oh and will not give up breastfeeding, you'd have to cut off my breasts to get me to stop. I think that's all my brain can answer at this time.

[Miss.B]

Hi em, how was your and DD's night hun? I was just thinking, have you had her checked out by a GP or a paed? It could be an underlying issue that is stopping her sleeping. Like silent reflux or something like that. I know it's only a stab in the dark and they could find nothing, but at least they can have a look. I've taken my DS twice to his paed (the first time it was to snip the little bit of skin under his tongue, and the second it was with him pooing ever 5 days and bad constipation as nothing I tried worked) and he was able to help both times. Big hugs lovely

[KitFaerie]

Just a quick reply, 1. - You are not a failure! You are amazing. 2- Tell your counsellor you feel rushed, your paying for her time and if she's any good she'll slow down. 3- just an idea, but from what I've seen, your DD has reached every milestone early which could mean that she's gifted - the lack of sleep and sensitivity are indicators. Just a thought.

Hugs hun xoxo

[Eenee]

HotI: sometimes I can get her to feed to sleep in the day other times not. Just got her to sleep in my arms now by feeding her to sleep. Mind you I am stuck here til she wakes because she does not transfer well and I'm not willing to risk waking her because if she is woken from sleep she seems to think shes been asleep for ages lol.

Kit: that'd be nice!

Missb: our night was the usual waking regularly with periods of unsettledness. Don't think there is anything wrong with her because when she has had a sleep she is generally very happy.

Forgot to add she is a very spewy baby, just ask our carpets.

Oh and the time it's taken me to write this she is awake. That'll be it now til tonight or late arvo probably

[Miss.B]

Hun, maybe she does have the reflux or something similar if she is very spewy?? Don't know hun, I'm certainly not an expert, DS has not had it, but I've read on belly about unsettled spewy babies with reflux

[HotI]

HotI: sometimes I can get her to feed to sleep in the day other times not. Just got her to sleep in my arms now by feeding her to sleep. Mind you I am stuck here til she wakes because she does not transfer well and I'm not willing to risk waking her because if she is woken from sleep she seems to think shes been asleep for ages lol.

My little one never transferred well either. If i lie down with her and feed her, i can sometimes sneak out after she has gone to sleep. Then i don't have to transfer her anywhere, i can just leave her sleeping where she is**. Oh, yeah, if my DD has a 5 min powernap and is woken she is energised to go for another 12 hours too.

**This was a trick MadB told me about!

[misty]

If bubs is very spewy, reflux could be an issue. So it would be worth getting checked out by a doctor. This was the underlying cause for my DD's poor sleep too. If it is reflux there are a few different things you can try - like using a wedge for bubs to sleep on - which may help the sleep issue.

[onthefly]

Ah HotI, I was about the suggest that. I'm a broken record
What about osteopathy? Didn't help my DD but maybe worth a go...?

[glenny_c]

Katie has silent reflux and it was a nightmare until she was diagnosed. We found the wedge under her cot mattress made a big difference, as did a chiropractor. She is also on Zantac and we are just starting to reduce her dose now. Might be worth getting checked out as Katie used to wake every 50 mins or so until she was medicated and straight away started having 4-5 hour blocks of sleep.

[Eenee]

Be back later to reply to the other stuff. But just need a vent after my counseling session today. Basically the whole time was her arguing with me telling me I should just do CIO or controlled crying. And that I'm creating problems for her future by picking her up everytime she cries. And that feeding her so often when she wants it overnight is bad for her to, and that I'm creating the problems and making her worse by responding to her. Talk about make me feel like s**t! I thought counseling is meant to make you feel better not worse!

[misty]

Be back later to reply to the other stuff. But just need a vent after my counseling session today. Basically the whole time was her arguing with me telling me I should just do CIO or controlled crying. And that I'm creating problems for her future by picking her up everytime she cries. And that feeding her so often when she wants it overnight is bad for her to, and that I'm creating the problems and making her worse by responding to her. Talk about make me feel like s**t! I thought counseling is meant to make you feel better not worse!

You need a new counsellor. Since when is it a counsellors job to give out (dictate) parenting advice. What a load of crap. A counsellors job is to listen, and to maybe suggest exercises and strategies for YOU to find your own resolutions. Seriously ditch her, she is not doing you any good, find someone who is better at their job.

(Personally I am very wary of 'counsellors' as there is actually very little study involved in becoming one, which means that although there are some good ones out there, there are also alot of hopeless wantabe phychologists as well. Maybe if you cannot find a counsellor you like, you could look around for a pyschologist or someone else who may be more help.)

[FabFiona]

You need a new counsellor. Faith in the process is as important as the process itself.

You might be able to get a recommendation from some other BB members as to professional assistance in your area.

Also, you are not a failure. Never can a mother who loves her child be a failure.

[HotI]

Yep, ditch the counsellor if she is not helping (i ditched mine). And i also think offering parenting advice is out of the scope of her job.

[Cassius2]

Be back later to reply to the other stuff. But just need a vent after my counseling session today. Basically the whole time was her arguing with me telling me I should just do CIO or controlled crying. And that I'm creating problems for her future by picking her up everytime she cries. And that feeding her so often when she wants it overnight is bad for her to, and that I'm creating the problems and making her worse by responding to her. Talk about make me feel like s**t! I thought counseling is meant to make you feel better not worse!

duuuuude! she is waaaaay off the counter fir you babe i'd suggest that it is time to strat shopping around.

that said, there are times that your psychologist will make you feel worse, but only in the sense that they are making you work through stuff. there should never be judgements made about your parenting style as this (the pnd) is in no way related to your DD (and therefore should not really be explored with that approach ITMS. massive massive one of these

[Eenee]

Thanks for the support forgot to add she is a psychologist. But in my opinion not very good. Lucky Medicare has been covering the appointments. And she is supposed to be good with people with PND