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Thread: I really need some help please....

  1. #19

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    Thanks Lucy. I know, but as I said to Cai earlier, what comes naturally to me is causing problems IYKWIM. What comes naturally to me is to pick her up every time she cries, but in reality I just can't do it any more. She needs to learn to sleep without so much of me, and I just need more sleep.

    ETA - & please don't worry Lucy that I am going to do something I don't feel right about because of advice recieved here. I am taking all of this in & working out a solution that suits us, so don't hold back at all - it's all good!!!

    Last edited by Adnil; October 24th, 2006 at 08:56 PM.

  2. #20

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    Phew.......LOL........good!

    I always think of it like this: if I have to do a bit of "tough love" which I am not 100% sure of, I then later realise that I am SO SO much more loving and more patient with them for the fact that they have slept well, and for the fact that I have had some time to myself and that me and DH have had some quality time......you may find the same? Hope so anyway.

    GOOD LUCK FOR FRIDAY!! xx

  3. #21

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    Yes Lucy - that's exactly what I'm thinking - that by being tough with the sleep I can be a better Mum (& wife) the rest of the time.

    Thanks for the good luck - I'll need it!

  4. #22

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    Not sure if this will be any help but this is our story. DS was very diff to settle from an early age and we started cosleeping just to get some rest. We always started him off in the cot and then brought him into bed after his first or second waking and I would always feed him to sleep. DS always slept between me and the edge of the bed (with a rail) as DH didn't feel comfortable sleeping with Ds in the bed. When he got older we tried lots of things, sitting by the cot etc. I found the best book was The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. Lots of solutions for different families cosleepers and non co sleepers Bf and non BF.

    We ended up putting DS in a single bed around 1 yr old and working with the strategies in the book (I can't even remeber what they were now but they worked). We found putting him in the single bed worked well as it felt more like our bed, we didn't startle him by putting him in the cot asleep etc and he didn't hit the sides during the night. Our routine was We would give him a feed, read a book and then and I would lie beside him until he fell asleep. I would still bring him into our bed if he woke during the night. Now he sleeps through in his own bed and even chooses to put himself to sleep at night.

  5. #23

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    Wow Sarah, Emma sounds so much like Xander was. How did you go with him in the bed as far as falling out goes? Did you just put rails on it?

  6. #24

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    We had one of those mesh bed rails that you tuck under the bed. Sometimes I thought Xander would never sleep thru the night and now it is so easy.

  7. #25

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    So there's hope for me yet - Yay!

  8. #26
    NewmumLou Guest

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    Linda- i saw this episode on super nanny with exactly the same situation.
    1st - i agree with everyone else a gro bag is a great idea.
    2nd- super nanny told the parents to place their child in the cot making sure to give a cuddle and a kiss, then sit near the cot, facing away and definatly not making eye contact, she will cry but each nite it gets easier. When the first 10 minutes are over gradually move your way closer to the door, still sitting down on the floor. Eventually you are out the door and Emma should be asleep. The first nite it took the parents 30mins for their child to sleep. The next nite it was 20mins and then it got less and less to the point the parents would put the baby down and sleep by herself.
    The baby sleeps as she finds comfort that she knows you are not going to run out of the room, she will learn to trust that you are near her.
    Hope it works!

  9. #27

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    Def hope :-) One thing I am happy about (and I hope this doesn't sound offensive to anyone) but I am pleased that we got to this point without us having to let him CIO or creating any tension as this just wasn't us. We got SO many people tellng us, just let him CIO or put him in his cot and sit beside him and he will understand eventually which I just didn't agree with (no offense to anyone who this works for) That book is an absolute Godsend and I reccommend it to anyone even if they aren't having problems getting their children to sleep

  10. #28

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    Thats great Sarah!

    I know we only did cc when we were ready. A lot earlier (and I'm talking Louis was under 6m!) I had heaps of people saying to do it but there was no way I was going to. It can be frustrating to hear it again and again when it is just not an option for you.

  11. #29

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    Well as you all know, Im not doing anything different until at least Friday night, but last night we used Bauers calm for the first time ever & she slept really well! Woke at 11pm & 5 am which I can handle! You watch, she'll be really good tonight & I"ll chicken out!

  12. #30

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    LOL!! IKWYM!! Thats great that the calm helped!!

  13. #31

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    Well now I'm having a bit of a dilemma LOL. Emma has slept pretty well the last 2 nights I shouldn't complain. I guess I really still need to do this though, because this is a very typical cycle.

    DH wants to just leave her to cry though, so I guess if I start soon he has less time to really put his foot down IYKWIM.

  14. #32

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    Ok, an update....

    Last night was interesting to say the least...after Em going down super easy (the new way - sleeping bag, in cot, me next to her - outside the cot LOL) I was in for a long night. She woke at 10:30 & was beside herself. I stayed with her & eventually she lay down again & was happy whilever she could hold my hand or feel me touching her. So she finally went to sleep. She woke every 1 1/2 - 2 hours & I would go in & stroke her & she'd go back to sleep. But we have been up since 4:30 as once she saw daylight there was no way she was going back to sleep....fair enough.

    So I think I coped pretty well, but still feel like no progress was made, but I guess there was, as she did spend the night in her cot. But we have a LONG way to go. Anyway, I put her in the pram at 6:30 & she fell asleep while I did some gardening, so if nothing else my vege garden is looking great & all the washing is done!

    Thanks for all the help everyone!

    Oh yeah, I've decided I will put the mattress in there at least for a few nights so I can at least be comfy while I comfort her.

  15. #33

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    Progress was made Linda!! Its a weary process and it takes at least 3 days for them to settle into a new routine or pattern & then another few nights for consistency sake! Thats why starting on Friday is a good idea because generally you have help during the day around the home so you can have a rest.... We always start things on Friday nights so hopefully Sunday night is a better night sleep to start the week. *hugs* You are going so well!

  16. #34

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    Good on you Linda! She stayed in her cot - thats fantastic! Hopefully tonight will be a bit easier for you!
    Keep us informed!

  17. #35

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    Definitely progress made! I did say it might be a long night. ATM she's feeling insecure. She's feeling like things are changing and she doesn't know what to expect. So of course when she wakes up and things are different, or settling is different she's going to be a little disoriented. I know its tough but I promise you it will get easier. And if you look at it like this... weeks and months of what you have had recently or a few nights of no sleep and then a content happy bubba who feels safe and secure at bedtime. Its a time of adjustment and she will get it I promise

    You are doing great mummy don't lose faith in yourself. And if you can get some naps today so that you won't be dead tired tonight with round 2.

    Goodluck!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  18. #36

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    Thanks so much girls. I'm really feeling it now. Super tired. No naps, but I'll try to have an early night.

    I forgot to say before too, that although I feel super tired, emotionally I feel fine about it IYKWIM. I tried something similar to this a couple of months ago, but my heart wasn't in it, so within weeks I'd reverted back. This time, although I don't like hearing her cry, it isn't eating me up. I just comfort her & know that every minute of tears is one minute closer to sleep.

    I couldn't do this without you girls! Thanks heaps!!

    Will let you know how tonight goes!!!

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