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Thread: I really need some help please....

  1. #1

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    Unhappy I really need some help please....

    OK, I'm not sure what I need here, maybe just to write my ideas down....

    We have an average of 1-3 wake ups a night. I generally feed Emma to get her back to sleep. No major dramas. But as she is bigger & the weather is warmer, she is getting unwrapped (she is still tightly wrapped for sleep) & once she is unwrapped, even after I feed her & get her back to sleep she wakes as soon as I put her back down. And now that the weather is warmer I think I'd rather not wrap her as she is a very warm sleeper & sweats like mad. The last 2 nights I have taken her into our spare bed which is queen sized & she has slept unwrapped no worries at all - because I was with her. But that isn't a long term option. I want to sleep with DH! And her in our bed isn't an option, as DH sleeps terribly when Em sleeps with us.

    So now I basically know that she can sleep unwrapped as she has for the last 2 nights with me. The next step is to get her to do it in her cot. I am so daunted by this prospect, TBH I am completely freaking out!

    I have tried a few different things over the last few months & my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do whatever it is we decide on. I want to follow through. I feel that being inconsistent with her is probably the worst thing I could do. So I need to find something that I won't give up on. So CC is out, because I know for sure that I can't do that in the long term..



    Here's my idea: putting a single mattress next to Emma's cot & just laying on that while she is in her cot. I'm pretty sure she will scream the house down for a fair while, but I guess knowing that I am in the room & will stay there until she falls asleep should still be a comfort right? Then hopefully as time goes on it will take less time..and maybe I'll move closer to the door (but I can decide on that bit later).

    Anyway, if you've read this far, thank you. Please let me know what you think. Like I said, I really want to have my complete action plan ready before the start, so that I can be prepared & stick to it so as not to confuse the mite.

    Any constructive advice very welcome!!!!

  2. #2

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    What about an extremely low tog sleeping bag? Something like 0.5 that is very light weight to wear? Some of the bubs who outgrow wraps go really well into growbags or things like that. I don't know myself, but its what I've heard

    When Matilda was 16 months and climbing out of her cot everytime we left the room I did the sleep on the mattress next to her thing... and what I did was for 2 nights I actually fell asleep in there with her, the next 2-3 nights I stayed until she fell asleep & left afterwards initially and then in the middle of the night wake ups we would try the resettle business... it was awful... so I tried the laying next to her on the ground so she could see me, but she screamed the same & I would wind up crying and sobbing because I didn't know what to do....

    So I don't know, if you think you could handle listening to her cry in the same room, then go for it... I personally couldn't do it so I would pat her bottom until she fell asleep and sit on the mattress. Then I would leave... HTH!

  3. #3

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    Linda you could try a sleeping bag.
    Is it hot up there overnight now? A light cotton one could be an option.

    I think the mattress on the floor is a good idea. I did this when Angus went through an unsettled time. Wasn't too comfy for me but it was better than laying on the floor!
    I hope that you settle her in her cot without too many sleepless nights

  4. #4

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    Linda, here is what I would do:

    1. Get a lightweight growbag/sleeping bag
    2. Make a date with yourself and Emma that will be COT NIGHT! (Talk it up: she will have no idea what you are on about, but smiley relaxed excited Mummy will maybe help her: she will pick up a good vibe rather than a stressy vibe?)
    3. Put her to bed as normal, and be prepared for lots of pat pat
    4. When she wakes "for a feed" feed as normal (in the dark? I am sure you do that already?) then back to bed and more pat pat

    Is she in your room? (Sorry I am sure I know the answer to that, I just can't remember!) Do you think she can smell you, so that is what wakes her for a feed? (I am sure Charlie used to do that: he slept through when he was in a spearate room to me, but if we were in the same room, he would ALWAYS wake for a feed........)

    Persoanlly, I would avoid the mattress........just not my thing......I would rather lean over the cot and do pat pat........

    Teh above makes it like I have over simplified, but the above, along with a CD on repeat and a levender room spray........it may take a fortnight, but worth it in the end.........
    Last edited by Lucy; October 24th, 2006 at 10:16 AM.

  5. #5

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    I agree with Lucy I say go the pat pat (or the stroke LOL). Make sure that when you set out to start this you start on a friday night or a night where it doesn't matter if you are up and down, no plans the next day incase you have a grumpy tired girl or mummy

    We've just been through this with Seth, he was unwrapping himself and it was a nightmare. So we've moved to the sleeping bag. It took a little while for him to get used to settling himself and he was a bit grumpy and tired. And a few nights he woke every 3 hours but the past 2 nights have been more successful last night he slept from 7:30 to 3:30 am and then woke again at 7 am.

    Another tip is to extend the hours before bedtime, so if Emma has an afternoon nap make it a short one or make it earlier than usual so there's more time to get tired before bed.

    ETA: we also allowed for playtime in the cot before he fell asleep so he'd crawl around in the cot and climb up the side then eventually I'd go in and he'd be curled up in a ball on his blanket. I personally would rather happy and playing over screaming and yelling. For me his bed should be a happy place.

    Goodluck!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  6. #6

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    Thank you all so much for your input - I really need to bounce ideas around so you have all been a MASSIVE help to me!

    Firstly, I will check out the lightest grobags on ebay. She does sleep perfectly unwrapped though when I'm with her, so I just wonder if it's necessary?

    Christy - I can just see myself laying there bawling too. That's what I'm trying to figure out if I can handle. I'm really not sure. But I think I need to decide that before beginning. I don't want to start this & then give up IYKWIM, I want to maintain some sort of consistensy.

    Lucy - I love your idea of setting a date - I think I will (just not today ) & Cai - I will make sure it is a Friday night!

    As for pat pat. How do you do that if they won't lay down? Emma will definitely be upright for quite some time, trust me! That's one of the reasons I thought the matress might work, because I'd be down a bit lower than her, so it might encourage her to lay down too?

    Thanks SO MUCH everyone for your suggestions & for being honest with me about this!

  7. #7

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    For the pat pat... with Matilda she would refuse to lay down, so we would have a 5 minute cuddle in my arms with her in a laying position and then I would gently pop her down on her side & keep on hand over her shoulder while the other patted her bottom. Sometimes I would "shhhh" as well and at first she would protest, sometimes she would scream & jump up & I would say "lay down please" , if she didn't lay down or wouldn't be convinced to lay down I would start doing something in her room but not giving her attention, and then I would turn around again & say "lay down please" if she would I would say "good girl" and start the patting again....

  8. #8

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    Linda, if she sits up and doesn't seem ready to lie down, I would start letting her have some "wind down play time" in her cot, by herself. We now do this with Charlie: he has 3 small soft toys and a couple of soft cloth books. When I pop him into bed, I play for about 2 mins with him, quietly, then say "night night Charlie, have a good sleep, I love you" and let him sit and play. I then leave the room and shut the door. He then chunters to himself for around 10 mins, and then all is silent. That is when I check on him.........he is usually then flat on his back fast asleep......but I know he is warm enough etc because of the grow bag........

    If he does cry, that is when I go in, and he is usually on his front, laying down, and that is when I do pat pat.......
    Last edited by Lucy; October 24th, 2006 at 12:11 PM.

  9. #9
    Melinda Guest

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    Being consistent and persistent really are the keys I think.....

    Perhaps you could start certain bed-time rituals with her, i.e. a wind down cuddle and a special 'sleepy time' book, sleepy words "time for sleep, love you" as well as the necessary patting/comforting (we have always preferred to do this in the cot/bed too).

    It does take time like the others have said, and a sleeping bag may be another sleep 'cue' for Emma if you start to use it.

    In terms of the patting, we always did exactly what Christy did with Matilda, i.e. lying Jacob on his side, one hand on his shoulder, the other patting his bottom.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Melinda View Post

    In terms of the patting, we always did exactly what Christy did with Matilda, i.e. lying Jacob on his side, one hand on his shoulder, the other patting his bottom.

    So do you mean you sort of 'hold them down'? Because I guess that's what the wrapping did before, it kept her still...

    I'm taking all of this in - thanks again everyone! Keep the ideas coming LOL.

    And another inconsistency - the sleep cues. Because I often take her in her room & do all that, but if there is something really good on telly I just put her to sleep on my lap Naughty me....

  11. #11

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    If Patting doesn't work maybe try the face stroke or tickle. Seth has a spot right between his eyes across his eyebrows. He's more of a stroker than a patter.

    And what I meant by play is if he's in the cot and he's happy and he's winding himself down thats ok, he doesn't need to be lying down or under the blankets. We all take different amounts of time and different techniques as adults to wind down and I think babies are no different. Like Just now seth was in his cot for about 15 mins of "play" wandering around the cot and moving about, then as he started to get grumpy I went back in (he was lying down the wrong end wrestling with his blanket), repositioned him so that he was under the blanket, on his tummy stroked his face for a bit and he was out like a light. Bed time rituals are great! You'll find your niche as will Emma Try not to worry about it. Don't set yourself or her a time limit for her to get to sleep and try and remember that even as adults we vary in how long it can take us to get to sleep some nights. Last night I finally felt tired at 2 am yet a few nights ago I was ready for bed at 7:30 kids are the same. And so long as you provide them with all the love and support and tools to self settle they do get it eventually but sometimes its not a matter of putting them in bed and then they close their eyes and go to sleep. I know I don't work that way either LOL! So long as they are happy and safe its all good

    And mummy don't forget you are doing a great job!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  12. #12

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    Jenna sounds similar to Lucy's Charlie. We put her in a 1.0 TOG grobag (Vic is cooler though) and then put her music on and walked out. She would play by herself for 5-15mins, and generally if she wasn't asleep, she would then get upset after about this time, but was more ready to lie down and be patted.
    But to be honest, we still sleep in the spare bed with her maybe 2-4 nights a week cause she is such a shocking sleeper. DP does it though, not me cause I dont sleep at all with her.
    We also have a single bed in her room (her bed) so we have been known to cuddle up in there with her too.

  13. #13

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    Oh Cailin, thank you. I really needed that. I really feel like I have created this IYKWIM. Anyway, like you said, I think I just 'need to give her the tools to self settle'. (she's getting lots of love & support already )

  14. #14
    CaughtGypsy Guest

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    Linda - we are having a similar problem. Will used to go down without too much trauma and suddenly this changed. I have decided to bring the cot into our room until he is used to going into it again and then move it back to his room. He is happy in our room but not so much in his own. It will be a slow progression, but in the meantime DH and I will have our bed to ourselves!

  15. #15

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    Hi Linda!

    You poor thing! It must be so hard not being sure which way to deal with Emmas sleep.

    ok - two things I'm thinking of - Someone mentioned earlier, is she still having two day sleeps and is a bit unsettled due to not being tired enough iykwim? How much sleep is she averaging a day/night? I know with Louis that we had that transition time when if Louis had two sleeps he would sleep terribly at night or just wouldn't go to bed until really late but, when he had 1 sleep he would seem very grizzly and tired by about 5pm but would sleep really really well. I went with the grizzly/tired because it was worth it for a good nights sleep! He's settled now and comfortable having 1 sleep but it probably was a bit awkward for about a month.

    My other thought is as others have said the night time ritual. Louis has dinner, a bath and then a cup of milk, a dummy, and a cuddle with dh or I watching tv for anywhere from 5min to 30min depending on on whats on t.v/how he's feeling. Then we say goodnight (Louis gives us a wave) and take him to his cot and give him his blanky, give him a little pat on his chest and out we go. Sometimes he grizzles for a minute but most times he just goes straight to sleep. He's so sleepy from his cuddles on the couch that he's just ready for sleep.
    It's so cute now - sometimes he goes to his cot to try and get his dummy and blanky when he's tired as he's associated those things with sleep time.

    Hope that helps! You most certainly are doing a fantastic job!!!! Don't forget it!!!

  16. #16

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    Not naughty you for getting her to sleep on your lap!! Hey if we could do that in less than 2 hours with Matilda, we would!!!

    Also... I refused to hold Matilda down. I just thought if she was fighting it that much, I needed to give her a chance... that was why we would pick her up for a bit more of a cuddle/rock time and try again 3-5 minutes later. I did try the leaving her with toys and a few times that did work well for us too... but mostly she would get upset the minute I left the room.

  17. #17

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    Christy - yep, it's just so much easier! I've just put her to bed now after falling asleep with me. *sigh*

    Kristie - yeah, she is sometimes having 2 day sleeps & sometimes only 1. But either way she wakes many times at night...

    Anyway, I am going to start on Friday night. Until then I will just enjoy being a softy LOL.

  18. #18

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    Until then I will just enjoy being a softy LOL.
    Ohh Linda Linda Linda lovely.....whatever you do, don;t forget to follow your Mummy gut feelings.......DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU AND EMMA!

    What I suggested above: if that doesn't suit you, then ignore it! It works for me/us at the moment......but you know what its like......the little tackers change all the time, and I may have to change track again soon!

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