I shouldn't have googled!

[OceanPrincess]

Heaven, you poor thing!! Google is not your friend

From a personal point of view, I'll let you know in 26 weeks or so

But watching my sister - no, I do not think this is a common thing! Well it hasn't happened to her anyway. She (and family) lives with my parents so I really don't think she could hide it if she were feeling that way, and TBH we are close enough that I think she would tell me if something were wrong!

She has just as much love and tenderness for DD, now that her DS has arrived! Maybe not quite as much time, but as much love, I am sure.

And FWIW, I can't see this happening to you either. You and DD have such a special bond, seriously, I don't see that breaking. Also your DD wouldn't be as big and old as the DD in the article...

Will be interested to see what other people say...

[Liviam]

Heaven I don't have the time right now but I am going to come back to you because you are thinking exactly the same as I did and I would love to share my story with you. I'll be back tonight.

[Laranna]

Heaven, thanks for the link

I do relate to the authors feelings and I completely get your concern about having a second baby. I think the biggest shock for me was that I never even considered this before we had DD, so having these feelings of guilt and sadness knocked me for a six. I didn't expect feeling like this at all. So it's good that you recognise how you *might* feel when a second comes along and you can deal with it better. That's what I'm finding now that I acknowledged my feelings and talked to DH and family and friends about it. The sense of sadness and longingness for the old relationship I had with DS is still there, but it gets better and I still love him, if not more. And there is still room for love for DD too and DH

[Heaven]

Thanks guys. I guess I have to focus on how much I will be giving to DD by giving her a sibling rather than what I may be taking away (i.e. a bit of my attention). I know I definitely want more babies, it's just so hard to imagine how it will all work out.

I am also a bit worried bc if I try and imagine having another baby, if I imagine the baby to be a girl I think 'Oh, that would be nice, how cute, a sister for DD'. But if I imagine it to be a boy I think 'Hmm...not ready' and can't really imagine loving a boy like I do DD. Which is worrying bc I actually think I will have a boy next for some reason. Will I not love a boy as much?? I have no idea why I think this! Maybe it's just because I can't imagine it because I only have a girl (which is weird because I have never had a sister, I have 4 younger brothers, so I shouldn't be scared!). But I feel like I would much prefer a girl. I feel like I couldn't be as close to a boy as I am with DD. How awful of me!!

I just have to trust that things will work out. I remember before DD was born feeling sad that it wouldn't be just me and DH anymore and that we wouldn't have as much time together. I couldn't possibly have imagined how much I would love her and how it doesn't feel like she is 'intruding' on DH and I or anything, she is part of 'us'. I guess, even though I can't imagine it now, a new baby will also become part of 'us'. Doesn't stop me worrying about it though! lol.

[Shanti]

I'm not going to read that article you posted Heaven .... however I must say that I too, have been thinking ALOT, every day.... about how #2 will come into our family and how it will change things... I get really nervous thinking about it and sometimes feel a bit panicky because DD has grown up so fast already I just want to enjoy her while she's so little with no other distractions!! Yet at the same time, DH and I very much so want to give her a little brother or sister to play with!! She just LOVES kids.... she is drawn to them....

It's so difficult to know when the right time to start TTC again is I think!! Maybe it is just one of those things you just have to 'bite the bullet on'? It certainly takes up alot of my thoughts too so I know how you feel!!!!

I too, don't know how I will have enough love for another baby some days!!! I love my DD soo much and she loves her 100% mummy attention she gets from me!! And then I think how on earth will i even have time for DH aswell as a baby and a toddler?!?!?! Yet we definitely want 3-4 kids!!

I'm interested to hear more stories

[boomba]

Heaven hun you can come talk to me anytime...Ds1 was a booby feind so I know what your talking about...I will say its tough and it does change but its so so so worht it...especially when he makes DS2 giggle

We will meet up soon if you like x

[Heaven]

Amber- I was thinking I should talk to you because you are doing so well! And when I saw you with both your boys it was so clear that you loved both of them so much and I felt a bit better. When did your DS1 wean? Would love to meet up soon.

[BekZ]

Hugs Heaven. I had your very concerns before having DD2. But once DD2 was here her place in the family just became natural. I felt guilty about having to share myself around and at first DD1 didn't adjust easily. But this time was very short and I made sure that DD1 always had some one around to give her some extra cuddles and attention.

Having a sibling can be the greatest gift and life lesson for your first born. They learn to share, they learn different forms of love, they learn to be patient. And in return they gain the love of another human being. Your love will change for your DD regardless of having another sibling around. She will grow and change too

Don't think of love as being limited. Have faith that you have enough love for however many babies your are blessed with.

ps I didn't say that having 2 babies is easy....But you learn and adjust

[OceanPrincess]

I am also a bit worried bc if I try and imagine having another baby, if I imagine the baby to be a girl I think 'Oh, that would be nice, how cute, a sister for DD'. But if I imagine it to be a boy I think 'Hmm...not ready' and can't really imagine loving a boy like I do DD. Which is worrying bc I actually think I will have a boy next for some reason. Will I not love a boy as much?? I have no idea why I think this! Maybe it's just because I can't imagine it because I only have a girl (which is weird because I have never had a sister, I have 4 younger brothers, so I shouldn't be scared!). But I feel like I would much prefer a girl. I feel like I couldn't be as close to a boy as I am with DD. How awful of me!!

That's not awful of you, it is HONEST of you.

And if I am completely honest... I could have written the exact same thing, except I only have one sister, no brothers! And if I am even more honest... I still freak out every now and then when I think about this little boy baby growing inside me.

What do I know about boys???? What kind of relationship will we have? With DD, we can go shopping, we can do girlie stuff... what about mother and son relationships?? How will I build that?

But I figure there must be capacity within me to love a boy just as much as a girl, or else God wouldn't have given me this precious gift, to love and nurture.

I just have to trust that my mothering instincts will take over and I will be just as smitten with him as I was with DD when she was born.

[Visitor8]

hunni I am not far of having number 4

It isn't common what she's experienced.

I don't love my kids any less than the other. I do however find that there are things I love about THEM and only them.

I love Jaidans love for learning, and his sweet nature, and how honest he is and so gentle.
I love Chases boisterous side, and how much he adores Ashton, and how he picks me flowers all the time.
I love how cheeky Ashton is, and the cuddles he gives, and how he will walk into ANY room and light it up with his smile and personality (ok and I love the ringlets)

I am sure there will be many things I will only love about Levi.

I will say I enjoy Ashton more than I ever enjoyed the boys. That is because when they were little (and only 14 months apart so that was hard on it's own) I was stuck in a crappy relationship and felt miserable. They were more like a chore 40% of the time which is horrible to say I had depression etc. So this time I have been a lot happier. At the end of the day though I love them all so much!

Jaidan and Chase were hard, close in age and it was a lot of work!! There were days when I thought "what the HELL have I done" but you DO have bad days and you take them with the good