independent play 2 & 3 year olds/ juggling toddler & baby - how do you do it?!

[skeetaboat]

Hi everyone, I'm just wondering how everyone else manages limiting TV while juggling a baby & a toddler?

Our day goes like this:
Get up, nappy changes, breakfast, get dressed, etc
about 45 mins later I get baby back to sleep..
40 mins later baby wakes up.
Between 45 mins and 90 mins later I get baby back to sleep.
30-40 mins later baby wakes up.
Repeat x 6 or 7 times until it's time for bed (around 9pm).

My toddler (2 years 9 months) seems to need constant attention and/or stimulation. If he's not watching TV he wants me to play in his room, play outside, play play-doh, do puzzles, do art, read books, etc. He won't play alone or independently. The only things he will do independently is play the computer or play iPhone games (which I don't like and I limit because I don't want his face in electronic devices all day).

I usually allow him to watch sesame street or playschool in morning, and then a DVD or ABC kids in the afternoon around 2-3pm, as that's when he gets tired and grumpy. He refuses naps but may occasionally fall asleep in this 'quiet time'.

I have tried starting him on activities and them leaving him to it after 20 minutes, but he loses interest as soon as I'm not involved... then he starts nagging me to do something else with him or asking for the computer or tv. Sometimes if this co-incides with getting the baby to sleep I allow it because otherwise he will keep coming to find me and makes noise which wakes the baby up.

Other times, after we've had both time playing and time watching tv, I flat out refuse either more tv or continued entertainment from myself, and then he whinges and whinges at me and I end up cranky and annoyed! Occasionally he will eventually start playing by himself given no other options, but as I said, it needs to happen in the short window of baby being awake and preferrably in the morning as he's too tired & cranky in the afternoon.

In between getting the baby to sleep 6-8 times a day and the toddler wanting constant attention I feel like I just want to be able to sit down and do nothing for 10 minutes. Putting on the TV or the computer for the toddler seems to be the only way to get some quiet time - but he already does these things more than I would ideally like him to.

Any suggestions? Is this normal at his age? What are some good ways to encourage independent play? Does anyone have children this age who will go outside/in their room and play independently or is this an urban myth?

How does everyone else manage with a catnapping baby and a toddler?

In between all this I also feel like a big meanie telling him to play by himself, but I think he needs to learn the skill of self-amusement. Or is this just too much to expect at this age? Will it come with time?

I've tried looking up what's 'normal' at this age (regarding stimulation/company/independent activity) as I like my parenting to be guided by what is developmentally appropriate.. but I can't find much info on independent play for 2 -3 year olds. Anyone got any info? All I've found is forums with parents asking the same question (lol).

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and reply.. It's a long one so if you got through it.

[*star*]

Oh my goodness!!! Although I don't have a baby in the mix (and I can't imagine how much harder that would be) I am going through many of the same things you are! My DD is just over 2 and a half and I would desperately love her to play on her own, even for a tiny bit. I have no advice to offer you, but will be waiting keenly to hear what else comes up in this thread and when to expect a little independent play!

Thanks for posting and hope you get some good answers and manage to get DS to entertain himself a little!

[alioops]

I have a similar situation to you, but I have a preschooler thrown in the mix.

I have found it helps to have my rocking chair right next to the play mat. I am about to go through all the toys and make boxes of "Noisy Toys" "Quiet Toys" and "Baby Toys" so that I can cycle the toys through the day fairly easily to suit what needs to happen. Nothing worse than JUST getting baby's eyes closed and someone either shouts or bangs something

I also try to have baby in a rocker or on her playmat for some of her awake time so I can play with the older 2, and I try to do some craft with them while she is asleep. As DD3 gets older it does seem to be getting easier because she entertains herself crawling around on the floor, but there are still times when she really needs me.

Your baby will get used to noise and fall asleep and stay asleep with it, but it does make it harder to focus on your toddler while baby learns to go to sleep.

[skeetaboat]

Star - I hope you get a few answers too.

Alioops - thanks for your reply. Wow you've got a full plate, sounds like you're handling it well though! Sorting through the toys is a great idea, I'll try that one. The problem is toddler wont play with things by himself, he wants me there to play WITH him... I think I will try something like colouring while I stay in the room and rock bubs to sleep (I usually walk the hall/bedroom with him until she falls asleep).

I think the noise is part of the reason bubs is so unsettled and such a catnapper. She never gets a full sleep, wakes up grumpy and still tired, cries and whinges until she's tired enough to sleep again. Gets back to sleep, gets woken up, repeat. She's 5 months now though, I thought she might've gotten used to the noise by now. When did you find your bubs settled into sleeping despite the noise?

[alioops]

I usually have the tv or a radio on so I have found that helps her to sleep, because she is now so used to noise in general. do everything you can to avoid making it quiet when bubs is falling asleep and that should help with the sleep cycles. Catnappers wake at the light phase of the sleep cycle so if nothing has changed when they enter that light phase they find it easier to get back into a deep sleep. I can't remember when she started finding it easier, but if you spend a little while with constant background noise, like a radio it wont take long, maybe a week or 2?

[Emma1979]

just wanted to ask how old your baby is? the reason i ask is, my nearly 3 year old has gotten remarkably better at entertaining herself now that we have a new baby, he is 5 weeks old... in the beginning she was always asking me to do things for her, or play etc, but i was always feeding the baby, so she has sort of adjusted... she does watch more tv than i would like, but i am recovering physically from the birth and am meant to be on 4 hours bed rest a day (yeah right), so i am not beating myself up too much about the tv watching...

also with our new baby, initially i was spending time trying to get him to sleep, but now i have given up on that as i just don't have the luxury of spending time doing that, so i put him down in his vibrating chair/rocker with his dummy and he will sometimes drift off, sometimes i put him in the cot and leave him to it, and other times when nothing will work he goes in the baby swing, or in the pram... if he doesn't sleep he doesn't sleep, i provide the opportunity for him, but i just can't spend lots of time trying to get him to do it, if that makes sense...

also perhaps instead of your baby sleeping at home, you could go out for a walk to the park etc, and baby has the opportunity to sleep in the pram... i know that doesn't help much with you getting some quiet time.... perhaps build a cubby with a sheet and let him take toys in... sorry i'm pretty hopeless... i usually sit on the couch and ask her to do things, like set the train set up, or get a book for me to read while i feed..... another thing to do is take away half his toys and put them away for a few weeks, then slowly reintroduce them, and hopefully he has a renewed interest in them.... or put them away and get one out the next time you have to feed etc....

good luck xx

[skeetaboat]

I'll try the background noise too, thanks Alioop

Anyone got ideas about encouraging independent play? Or is it too much to ask of a 2y9mo old?

[Visitor8]

what used to be my saving grace (I had a NB and a 14 month old) was playgroups. Even now, Ashton is 18 months and when bubs arrives he will be 21 months. I do so many activities, even those days where you can't be bothered, go! Gets them out of the house and out of your hair, and there will be other mums to talk to.

Monday I have playgroup
Tuesday I have chat and munch which is like playgroup where we cook something healthy for lunch
Wednesday I have kindagym, then 'Reading Together' at the library, then we go to the park for lunch, then another playgroup at a school up the road.
Thursday I have rhythm and rhyme
Friday at present we do nothing, though the boys school is about to start a playgroup which we will go to.

Most of these activities only run for 2 hours each. Trust me though, those 2 hours out of the house make a big difference. You will also probably find he will learn to play on his own quickly.

Ashton has only just started playing on his own. Before he would need me or the boys to play with him, but the last couple of months he barely needs my attention and will happily lay on the floor playing with his cars or farm sets or whatever.

I believe our activities have a lot to do with that.

Remember it's just a stage and will be over soon

[Ginger]

Also wanted to add a few things that we have at home that keep my toddler very entertained while i'm dealing with the baby- a sandpit full of sand toys, a trampoline and a bike in a safe bike riding area. we also have one of those tennis balls tied to a pole kinda things iykwim? that he loves playing with by himself.

[Campari]

My DD is 2.5 and is pretty good with independent play if I get her started with something. I have a 10 week old DS now so am realy encouraging as much of it as possible right now...! Our most popular "toys" at the moment are plasticine, and making pasta necklaces! She also loves play dough. She doesn't really do independent play with toys as such, but occasionally puts all her dolls to bed. Plasticine is great! Much easier to clean up that playdough so good for a quick 'feed time' activity. Our DD loves to make sausages and balls and things out of it. If I start her off and make a face, then she will make a face too... or I ask her to make me a flower, or whatever. I often sit there feeding DS with a ball of plasticine in my hands "warming it up" for her.. its quite therapeutic! Even if I get 10 minutes of happy silence out of her, that's great. The plasticine then gets put away on the top shelf til next time. Pasta necklaces are similar - I just tie some wool to a toothpick and give her a bowl of penne pasta to thread - she loves that, and its easy for me to help her with while BF. Yesterday she made a necklace for Daddy to wear to work!! lol.

Good luck with it, sounds like you are getting some improvement, so hope it continues!