DD1 was 12 months and 5 days the first night she was left to wake up with someone else. I went into labour with DD2 at 2am and my parents came over to look after her. She woke up with my parents, and then my husband was home with her by about 10.30 am. I was home with them all that night. The next time would have been when DD1 was 3 or so and DD2 2 or so. They have only ever stayed with my parents, who they see multiple times per week.
I think they're being very unreasonable to put any level of pressure on you whatsoever at this point. Babies aren't toys to be handed around on a whim.
I had my first night away from DS when he was about 16 months old, but I only left him with DH! MIL has started asking when she can have DS overnight and we've tentatively arranged it for this weekend. He's 21 months old. I'm comfortable with that now because he's sleeping well etc etc, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't have let DS sleep anywhere else at 5 weeks.
I can't believe you are being pressured to hand your baby over like a toy for your MIL to play with! I'd be letting both of them know in uncertain terms that neither of you are ready for that and to lay off the pressure. Maybe she can stay with you overnight and help out that way - take DS while you rest, help around the house etc. Or you could arrange a regular time for you to all go out/get together for coffee, do the grocery shopping together, for her to take him for a walk or look after him while you rest or do whatever you want to etc. I understand she wants to feel involved, so maybe you can work out another way for her to start bonding with her grandson... that doesn't involve her taking him overnight. I know MIL wanted to 'show DS off' to her friends and work colleagues when he was little - she wanted me to drive 40 mins so we could just 'pop' into her work!
DD1 and DS were probably about 3 or 4 the first time they had a sleep over at my mum's. DD1 is now 8 (almost 9) and she had her first sleepover at a friends house last year. She has had a couple of sleepovers at the home of that particular friend but nowhere else. DS was invited to a sleepover last year (he's 6) but he wanted to come home so I went round to collect him at about 8.30pm. Of course, as soon as I got there he wanted to stay! I told him he needed to come home because I had come to get him but he could try again another time. We haven't tried again yet.
DD2 is 14 months now and still BF's overnight as well as co-sleeps. She is comp fed with FF, so she will take a bottle but has a preference for the breast. My mum has been staying with us for several months and for our wedding anniversary on Friday DH and I are staying at a hotel in the city. Mum is great with the kids and because she is staying with us DD2 is very familiar with her. Mum will sleep in my bed and has said that if she needs to walk around the house with Miss P all night she will! I am feeling rather anxious, can you tell?? Seemed like such a good idea when I booked it...!
No way would I let anyone have my baby overnight at 5 weeks. Nooooo... I do like the suggestion PP's have made that perhaps your MIL could come to your home and look after bub while you have a rest or she could help with the housework. Overnight?? Uh, no.
ETA DD1 went on school camp last year, 3 days 2 nights. It almost killed me!! She had a fantastic time...
do you have room for MIL to stay over with you? You could go out to dinner with DH for 2 hours, MIL gets her "alone time" in the home your baby is most comfortable and hey, if she wants to wake in the middle of the night and try settling him and wake in the morning so you and dh can sleep in - win/win! as for letting your baby sleep at MIL's - I'm with you - that is way too early in my opinion and anyway, the only real one to say what is too soon is you - you have to be comfortable with it for it to be right and that's the only right answer.
We have been having regular sleepovers with both boys from about 3 months. They were both bottle fed and I was very comfortable. Both sets of grandparents have full kids rooms with cots set up.
To us, the boys having a strong relationship with their grandparents is very important. They are as comfortable at the grandparents places as they are at home.
However, you will need to reach an agreement with your DH. This is something that has the potential to become a very big issue, especially if your MIL doesn't let it drop.
I haven't read any of the replies so apologies if I'm repeating anybody I left DS1 with my mother when he was about 20 months old. She stayed at our house so it was all familiar to him, plus I thought it would make things easier for her. It was our wedding anniversay so we just stayed a night at a hotel, he was sleeping really well at that point and I had her over a fair bit in the lead up.
I don't think I'd be comfortable with him actually going to stay with anyone until he's in primary school and can ask to go stay with Nanna or Raa Raa etc.
Definitely at just weeks old is too soon in my opinion. I understand if people want to help but a baby is not a plaything, they have their own needs that are more important than people feeling left out etc.
Obviously I am one on my own. I never had a problem leaving DD with my parents or PIL. She was left for the night for the first time at 8 weeks I think? My PIL were visiting from Scotland and DH and I stayed at a hotel for the night (anniversary present). She was bottle fed and my PIL had been in the house for about 2 weeks by that stage. She was 3 months when we left her with my parents for a weekend while we went to a wedding. Both times she was fine, although I missed her like crazy!! I know I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her with anyone else for a prolonged period of time but I trust my parents and PIL to look after her the same way we would. For me personally, the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" is how we try to do things which means that DD sees her grandparents as much as possible.
Having said that- that is MY experience and they are MY feelings. Reading over the other replies I am obviously the odd one out in this and I can understand completely being uncomfortable leaving your baby. Nobody should be pressuring you to do anything you don't feel is right! It is not fair for your MIL to be putting her own feelings above those of you or your baby. Hugs honey, there is a lot of pressure that comes with being a new Mummy and you don't need it from family as well!
Reply With Quote
I left DS1 with my mother when he was about 20 months old. She stayed at our house so it was all familiar to him, plus I thought it would make things easier for her. It was our wedding anniversay so we just stayed a night at a hotel, he was sleeping really well at that point and I had her over a fair bit in the lead up.
Bookmarks