My DD is like your DD and is usually a great eater. When she is well I won't offer alternatives to the meal surmise been served (unless it's something new and she generally doesn't seem to like it - which is extremely rare) On the odd occasions she is unwell and not eating her fave foods I will sometimes see if she wants an alternative, kind of to test if she is really hungry or not. I will (usually) still offer a good choice. For example, if she's not eating her hot dinner I might see if she wants a piece of cheese. tBH, she usually doesn't want this either, but I feel better in myself. A week ago it got to tue extreme that she had literally not eaten or drunk anything all day so I offered ice cream for dinner..... She didn't even want much of that which just goes to show how sick she was!
We've always had the rule that it's what's on offer or fruit. That way I feel secure in knowing that I've offered a healthy alternative so she won't go hungry or feel forced to eat something she doesn't like, but she knows that I won't go running around making her something else. By and large my DD is a great eater too and when she refuses dinner, she usually refuses the fruit option too so I know that she's really not hungry.
I do get the anxiety about them being hungry. I've worked with children who practically live on fresh air and have reiterated your idea above (your responsibility to provide, theirs to eat) with nonchalance to anxious parents so many times. And then it was my DD not eating at times and I realised that the instinct to feed your child is just so strong, it's really flipping hard not to fret about it! xoxo
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