Meal times and not eating, WDYD?

[PumpkinZulu]

DD has always been a pretty fantastic eater up until now, so this is all new to me. DD has had a cold this past week, is in the middle of a wonder week and she is cutting 4 molars all in one go, so needless to say we're all running on little sleep and energy right now. DD has gone off her food, which I'm not too surprised about. I'm just wondering what we should do, and how we should approach it? We'll offer her food, and she'll either eat a few bites or none at all, just push it away, play with it etc. we've been following the motto that it's our job to provide healthy, balanced meals, and it's DD's job to actually eat it. So if she doesn't eat a meal, we won't make her something new to see if she eats that. I'm not sure whether this is a good approach or not. I just worry about her being really hungry. We'll keep offering her the meal she wouldn't eat later, and then eventually her usual snack, bottle of milk or next meal. She'll generally snack okay and take her milk as normal. Should we be making her something else? I'm trying to be consistent, it's all the normal meals/foods she loves, I'm hoping it's just because she's sick and sore that she's like this. Her nappies have been fine, maybe a bit drier than normal today, but they're usually soaked so as long as they stay consistent I'm happy with that. She drinks lots of water too. We have started giving her a multivitamin in with her milk (was breakfast, but she doesn't eat all of that anymore). What do you do for toddlers when they refuse to eat?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Welcome to my life And i don't mean that in a horrible way or anything just that i constantly worry. But it is true what they say, they will eat when they are hungry. I have had to be much more strict about it that we will turn the tv off or lock the cat up if she won't eat what we think is fair.

I would say for the moment that the cold plus molars she is not feeling all that hungry added she is a toddler now and they can go through phases.

I would still offer foods, don't offer other foods as you don't want to add more issues to it with adding so many alternatives, if you know she likes the food and can easily eat it i would encourage her, but not force her. Sometimes they just want to go at their own pace.

[chody47]

My DD is like your DD and is usually a great eater. When she is well I won't offer alternatives to the meal surmise been served (unless it's something new and she generally doesn't seem to like it - which is extremely rare) On the odd occasions she is unwell and not eating her fave foods I will sometimes see if she wants an alternative, kind of to test if she is really hungry or not. I will (usually) still offer a good choice. For example, if she's not eating her hot dinner I might see if she wants a piece of cheese. tBH, she usually doesn't want this either, but I feel better in myself. A week ago it got to tue extreme that she had literally not eaten or drunk anything all day so I offered ice cream for dinner..... She didn't even want much of that which just goes to show how sick she was!

[Santosha]

We've always had the rule that it's what's on offer or fruit. That way I feel secure in knowing that I've offered a healthy alternative so she won't go hungry or feel forced to eat something she doesn't like, but she knows that I won't go running around making her something else. By and large my DD is a great eater too and when she refuses dinner, she usually refuses the fruit option too so I know that she's really not hungry.

I do get the anxiety about them being hungry. I've worked with children who practically live on fresh air and have reiterated your idea above (your responsibility to provide, theirs to eat) with nonchalance to anxious parents so many times. And then it was my DD not eating at times and I realised that the instinct to feed your child is just so strong, it's really flipping hard not to fret about it! xoxo

[Lily Dust]

I just go with it. *sighs* Ha! I go with it now after nearly 18 months, is what I mean . When it first started I was always worried DD wasnt eating enough, would starve etc but now I just sigh and accept it. Ive tried really encouraging her, making her something else, bribery (yep, Im that mother) all with no luck whatsoever! We have just been away, left Friday AM and returned this afternoon. During that time she literally ate one bite of a bread, half a bowl of cereal and half a pancake.

Try not to stress, I think your motto is great- you provide and its her job to eat! You cant force her and it sounds like she is just feeling a bit blah with teething too

[AliBaby]

I just go with it. *sighs* Ha! I go with it now after nearly 18 months, is what I mean . When it first started I was always worried DD wasnt eating enough, would starve etc but now I just sigh and accept it. Ive tried really encouraging her, making her something else, bribery (yep, Im that mother) all with no luck whatsoever! We have just been away, left Friday AM and returned this afternoon. During that time she literally ate one bite of a bread, half a bowl of cereal and half a pancake.

Try not to stress, I think your motto is great- you provide and its her job to eat! You cant force her and it sounds like she is just feeling a bit blah with teething too

Yep all of this. I love your motto as well.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

If he's not hungry, he won't eat. If he won't try the food in front of him (did him a gorgeous nicoise-y salad last night he refused to even try) then he doesn't get made anything else. I do give him new meals and if he can't hack part of it I'll serve him without the "nasty" bit next time I do it. But that salad is now off our menu list for another year, sigh. I'm not too unreasonable if he doesn't like food as I recall having to choke down food I detested as a child and feeling sick with every mouthful shoved in.

If he does try and really dislike, then eats all the bits he does like, he can have pudding. If he doesn't try or doesn't eat what he normally will, no pudding as he's not hungry. He doesn't complain and doesn't suffer.

I grew up being force-fed because "you haven't eaten enough" (literally forcefed, spoonfed for many years if I wouldn't eat something), denied food when I was hungry because "you've eaten enough", told it was impolite to eat as much as I did at one point, basically told to ignore my body signs for what my mother deemed correct. I am anorexic. Although I do eat, sometimes it is an effort to remember that I need to without being told I must eat because now it is an acceptable time for me to be hungry. And she wonders why I tell her off when she does the same to Liebling...

[Eenee]

It's normal toddler behaviour. DD used to eat heaps and now some days will hardly eat anything and one day all she ate was half a banana. Our rule is if she doesn't eat what we dish up then she goes without. Unless there is a medical condition kids will not starve themselves

[peanutter]

Don't stress.

Keep offing milk, in whatever way shape or form she'll take it - normal, warmed, cup, sippy cup, bottle, icy pole.

And keep offering food - at one point, DS1 basically refused eveything other than grapes and weetbix, but once whatever was going on had run its course (teeth moving around, a mild virus, 4 day long tantrum, whatever...) he went back to normal.

The only down side was that there was a fair bit of wasted food ... but to keep his eating on track over all, we were ok with that.

All will be well

[Rouge]

A friend helped me with this by offering a wonderful solution.

Variety. We started bento style lunch boxes. A few grapes/strawberries/fruit wedges, a few dried fruit, rice cracker, a piece of cheese or a splodge of yoghurt, some ham or cooked meat, some hummus and pita breads, sandwich sushi, or half a sandwich square, or even a tortilla/wrap with pb, a handful of dried cereal etc.

But variety. At dinner time on offer was what we had then fruit. I never got into the whole thing about two meals or forcing kids to eat it.

Pick the mealtime they eat the most to feed them their best meal. DS was always breakfast. He'd have fruit, toast and a handful of cereal and sometimes even baked beans or eggs. DD was always morning tea. She'd have her lunch then so id offer lots.

Remember they are built to listen to their metabolism. So long as they aren't filling up on junk, sugar or processed foods it doesn't matter when they eat their meal. And there is the old saying eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a pauper for dinner. Kids do this naturally sometimes. As long as she doesn't have any deficiencies (this can cause loss of appetite), which I'm sure is covered by the multiv I'm sure she's fine. But go the variety at her best meal. Even if it's adding a piece of fruit and bread with dinner. Sounds weird but the more choice they have the happier they are

But whatever you do don't fight with food. There are huge links between this and emotional related food issues, be it under eating, over eating, or comfort eating.

[Cassius2]

I was forced to eat as a child and I vow never to do with the girls!

We try to let it slide or with gentle encouragement. She is not allowed to leave the table until we have all finished eating, even if she is not eating....it's a social thang = family time ITMS. but we try not to press the point of eating it. We use the yo gabba gabba chant: "first you try it, then you like it" hahahaha...doesnt always work, but it is fun to say it

They wont let themselves starve and it is best to not create any stress around meal times as that will further inhibit any hunger etc (plus just make for unpleasant meal times).

Still sucks to see yummo food go to the worms though.

[PumpkinZulu]

Thanks guys! So much positive encouragement, I'm glad I'm on the right track with this

I would never force DD to eat. My mum really screwed me up with food, similar to TFB, lots of "eat all of this!" and "don't eat so much!" at the same time I use food for emotional needs and have a weird relationship with it sometimes, DH and I love cooking and meal times, so we always make it fun and stress free. We give DD her dinner, and if she doesn't eat, that's fine, lots of smiles, we keep asking if she wants some more, or some of mummy or daddy's. Offering fruit or cheese is a nice idea, we do sometimes offer her dried fruit (because she loves it) but not often...today I'll try the fruit after the meal to see if she wants that. But yeah, we keep meal times fun and intimate. No tv or anything like that. And yep, variety is key. For lunch we have cold meats, cheese, bread sticks, fruit etc on a platter, and DD chooses what she feels like. Funny, some days it's mainly one thing, then another the next day. The tip about making her main meal the one she eats the most of is an awesome idea!! It is usually breakfast, and she used to eat a fair bit. I might try the platter for brekky today? I also think DD is changing her routine up a bit right now.

Thanks so much for the tips and reassurance guys. Some days I'm not too fussed, but the days when DH is gone from 8am until 9pm are the toughest in terms of me feeling relaxed about her eating.

Before this eating 'strike', she was having a weetbix with milk, half a slice to one slice of toast and sometimes half a piece of fruit for brekky, fruit or cheese for a snack, a platter or a light pasta dish for lunch (or sometimes a pita pizza), dried strawberries or apple for a snack and dinner was whatever we wanted or had planned, as well as 3 bottles of milk a day. So I think she's getting a good balance, it's just so different having her eat like a mouse when before she was a machine. I also think now that she's walking, she's a bit more distracted and wants to get away and keep exploring Which is adorable.

[Liz]

Think I saw you say she's cutting 4 molars atm? Maybe offer foods that don't require much chewing/gumming for a couple of days. It's most likely the gums being really sore that's putting her off.

We don't do separate foods here either or force feed. Once older we do encourage a few more mouthfuls as we know we'll hear 'I'm hungry' shortly after lol.

I don't think it hurts to cater to sore gums tho. Soon she'll have 4 chewing teeth and will be back to eating all the harder foods again. But yeah, keep up the milk intake and add some softer foods and fruits for a bit would be my advice

[PumpkinZulu]

She's just got some new cups that she loves...maybe a fruit and yogurt smoothy? Could get some spinach in there too Now that I think of it, she's more open to softer foods right now. She ate all of her weetbix this morning, maybe because I warmed the milk a little and made it into mush lol.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I started with cooked apple and sweetened with some honey(I wanted super yummy for the 1st try)
then got dd to "help" me wizz it in the blender and made great enjoyment out of eating the puree apple til she tried.
Now I get her to help me make smooties and milk smoothies. You can sneak in all kinds of stuff once they like it. Complan and sustegen often get popped in for extra vitamins.


------------------------
unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss