We've always had the rule that it's what's on offer or fruit. That way I feel secure in knowing that I've offered a healthy alternative so she won't go hungry or feel forced to eat something she doesn't like, but she knows that I won't go running around making her something else. By and large my DD is a great eater too and when she refuses dinner, she usually refuses the fruit option too so I know that she's really not hungry.

I do get the anxiety about them being hungry. I've worked with children who practically live on fresh air and have reiterated your idea above (your responsibility to provide, theirs to eat) with nonchalance to anxious parents so many times. And then it was my DD not eating at times and I realised that the instinct to feed your child is just so strong, it's really flipping hard not to fret about it! xoxo