Newborn sleep patterns? Advice needed and not coping vent.

[chody47]

Sleep deprivation is hard. Unfortunately I don't have a miracle cure but I can tell you that both my DDs slept best when in sleeping bags that kept them in. We used wrap me ups (I think they're now called love to dream). I found that when I was wrapping only they would get their arms out and wake themselves up. They couldn't do that in the bags

As for how to cope, I think the first step is making yourself feel a little better. For me, everything always seems even worse than it is when I'm extremely tired (not saying what you're going through isn't bad, but it might be being made even worse due to the extreme tiredness). Since DS is taking formula, could you have someone watch DS for you one night? I would have this happen in a different house to you, so DS goes somewhere or you go somewhere else to try and reduce your anxiety and hearing him all night.

As for the long term, my first suggestion would be to stop trying to get things done during the day for the time-being. I know this is hard. I myself am one of those people who try to do everything with a new baby, but its truly not worth it. For now rest when he does. Even if you can't sleep, sit or maybe lie down. Recruit people to do things for you or, if you want to do things yourself, have them come during DS's cranky times and have them hold DS whilst you do stuff then, as you wouldn't be sleeping or resting then anyway.

Good luck! Please know this doesn't last forever, even if it does feel it at the time.

[onthefly]

Em, are you in touch with your child health nurse or a GP who you feel comfortable with? Please go and have a chat with them about how you're feeling.
Yes, sometimes babies are like this, and yes it does get better, but it sounds like you could really do with some extra help right now. There's no need to feel like you "should" cope better, everybody needs help when they have a baby. What help and when differs, but everyone needs it.

[Em_325]

I tried the love to dream swaddles and he didnt like them but maybe it's time to try them again? At the moment he sleeps Un swaddled as he his on his tummy but I would much prefer he slept on his back. I have had people come and stay here and do the night feeds. I've actually had 2 full nights sleep this week which is why I feel so bad about not coping with the nights of broken sleep as I know I'm terribly lucky to have all the support that I do.

Teeki- the obsession over sleep sounds exactly like me. I'm keeping a diary of his sleep times and I spend all day thinking about whether he will sleep at night or not. We even brought that save our sleep book today thinking a routine might help but it's stressing me out more as it doesn't feel right to do it with a small baby so now were debating if we should try it or not and I really don't know what to do.

I am seeing a psychologist and my OB is aware of how I am feeling. I really just want to be able to enjoy my baby and stop worrying so much but I really don't know how to help myself right now.

[little_O]

The child youth nurse I saw with dd suggested swaddling in a cot sheet. Because the sheet goes round multiple times they can't get their arms out. I found that was fantastic.

How has the Zantac gone? Improved at all? Have you tried infants friend? My dd was always calmer with infants friend.

My SIL had terrible sleepers and she have me the book Silent Nights. I didn't follow it per say but i did find some great pointers.

Just another thought, how was the birth? Was it traumatic, unusual? Maybe you both feel stressed from that?

[MrsFabuloso]

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. My children have all been terrible sleepers. And I didn't cope with the sleep deprivation or being a mum to a new born, well either. I don't have any magic advice, other than maybe you need to try to stop stressing so much, and trying to 'fix' him. To me, he sounds like a normal baby. Well for the way my children were as newby's anyway. It sounds like you're doing lots to help yourself and bub, and you're being proactive about finding new ways to cope and help him, which is great.

I got pretty obsessed with how much (or little!) sleep I got too, end have ended up with PND after each pregnancy, which I almost totally put down to being so sleep deprived it wasn't funny, and not having any help other than hubby (who is wonderful, but works full time!) It's really hard not to think about it all the time, when all it feels like you're doing is settling, feeding and putting baby to bed all day and night.

Maybe rather than focusing on bub sleeping, focus on other things you need/like. Maybe if you can, and if hubby will take bub, go out of the house without bub for an hour or so (since you can't sleep if you're near him!), maybe go for a walk or visit a friend/relative, so that you're relaxing and having some time without worrying about everything for a little bit. The constant stress and worry could be part of the whole problem for both of you.

And I am another who will tell you, things do get batter, and way easier to cope with. You kind of get used to functioning on less sleep, and baby will settle more as he gets bigger. Hang in there.

[JLeigh29]

Just wanted to add to your 'hug load'. You sound like you're doing a great job during a major life adjustment. I remember thinking how ill-prepared I was and questioning my decision to be a mum as well. There's no right or wrong way to feel and people all cope and feel differently. It's great you have a professional and private support network in place too.

Have you tried baby wearing? Maybe then you could do something while he's awake and squirmy - a walk, chop veges for dinner etc. As PP have said, forget the housework and what you think you should be doing. The support network you wrote of can do the urgent stuff while you catnap/rest. Are you eating properly? It's really easy to neglect yourself when you're so worried about everything else, but a healthy mummy makes a big difference to how you feel and cope. Let your DH look after him for a little - yes, it's hard to let go, but totally worth it to see them forge a strong relationship and for the break you get.

And yes, it does get better...baby settles, your body adjusts to short naps only, you find it easy to fall asleep at the drop of a hat etc

[Teeki]

Em if there's one piece of advice I can give it's please, don't read that book. Your DS hasn't and he won't subscribe to the routines. If he doesn't and you're taking notes of his sleep and it doesn't match what the book says it'll make you feel worse. I read a few gentle parenting books on sleep and if they had routines in there or suggestions about how much she should be sleeping it made me so much worse. Please stop taking notes and try not to get into the thinking of he *needs* three 2 hour naps during the day or whatever it is. Every kid sleeps differently.

It really is the one thing I've learnt since having DS. I have no idea how long he sleeps or when, I don't take note. I do know he only wanted to sleep on me this morning so I sat on the couch with him and read a book. If it had been DD I'dhave spent the entire time trying to get her in the basinette - today's way was much more restful and relaxing! He did go in the basinette a bit later, but I don't know how long he slept for, I just got on with things til he woke, then had him in the ergo while I finished making a cake. I am feeling so much better this time just by not paying attention to the sleep.

I don't remember how many posts I wrote asking for help with DD, but I wanted a solution. If someone could say "It's reflux" then I could fix her. But the advice offered by everyone is what works for their kids, not mine. She didn't have reflux or need a chiro, she was just normal! There was no fix but to ride it out. It honestly didn't take long.

[little_O]

I have to agree with Teeki. Newborns don't know a routine. They just know that they were warm and happy inside then they are out and trying to adjust!

I found learning about their sleeping cues helpful though. I felt a bit clueless when I first became a mum so learning the signs of a baby first being tired vs overtired etc helped.

Also as others have said, go easy on yourself. We might be physically made to be mums but there isn't a foolproof manual that goes with it. We all work our way through the best way possible. You can't fail this and you haven't made a bad decision. It all starts to click into place and before you know it you are on the other side.

[Arcadia]

Firstly your baby is doing just what he he needs to do. Its not the same as other babies, because he is his own person. This perspective will come with time when you meet him as a toddler, child, teenager, adult. You're doing perfectly by listening and responding to his cues.

Did you get anxiety before? I had bad anxiety after my first and stressing about sleep is the biggest trigger.

Can you let go of sleep? Accept he catnaps in twenty minute blocks at the moment, knowing this will change and he will one day have big toddler naps in the middle of the day and eventually grow out of naps all together? Get other people to do one or two nights a week to help you out. Get online shopping. Ask your friends to bring meals, get a good baby carrier so you can hang out the washing.

Most of all go easy on yourself. I need a good 'nourishing' routine with a newborn. A hot shower alone, a lit candle, a hot cup of herbal tea, an episode of a good show etc all help me feel nourished and less like a slave to a baby.

Plan around your wakeful baby, because changing his natural rhythms is not garunteed to help anything.