Put it this way, Jac; the majority world cuddles their babies to sleep until those babies don't need it anymore AND that time DOES come, cos 12 year olds needing to be cuddled to sleep isn't the world's best kept secret, it's something that doesn't generally happen (and if it does, it's not the fault of being cuddled to sleep, it's probably some kind of trauma the kid's gone through!).
I'm sure people roll their eyes (IRL and perhaps on this forum, too) when they know that I do comforted parenting, and my stance is "bite me". It's none of my business what other people say about me behind my back! I answer to my son and to myself, not anyone who wants to roll their eyes and not be there when it counts (i.e. when I can't get the kid to sleep any other way and the kid REALLY needs to sleep!).
Trust yourself and what your child is telling you above all else
DS is nearly 8 months old and we still cuddle to sleep. It doesn't occur to me to do it any other way. It's so nice watching them fall asleep in your arms A few times I've put him down and he's settled himself but 95% of the time we cuddle
I just came here to post a vertually identical question, so has been great to read all the comments!!
My DD is 5 Months and i have been cuddling her to sleep and wondering if it was time to stop as all i hear from friends/general people is ''your just creating problems for your self later''...''rod for your back'' ''If you go to her as soon as she cries she will learn that all she has to do is cry to get your attention'' etc back blah blah.
We have a feed in her room, sometimes falls asleep then, if not cuddle till she is asleep then put her in her cot. She CAN self settle, some nights she will decide she dosnt want to cuddle to sleep and will very happily chat to herself in her cot till she falls asleep. But ALL day sleeps and most night sleeps we cuddle to sleep.
I have found that DD will know when she is ready to do something and i should just follow her. Like someone said...you dont hear of many 12 year olds needing to be cuddled to sleep! And i agree, its such a nice time and so special i dont mind one bit! Also it will be easier to change when she is older and can understand more.
I read an article on here about controled crying (the con of controled crying, worth a read) as someone suggested i try it....not for me!!
I like the advice on how others have slowly managed to change to pattern, i will try that if i have to when the time comes!!
Trust the way your doing things, everytime i think ''maybe im doing something wrong'' i always end up annoyed that i ever doubted myself! It sounds like you are doing a great job!!
At night I cuddle our 3 month old to about 80% if that makes sense and then put him in his cot - I LOVE IT - it is a time you can never have again. And I wouldn't do it any other way at the moment. In another 6 months I would change if he was still wanting it, but whilst they are so little - they can't "manipulate" you like my MIL tried to tell me with my first wehn I told her I b/f him in our bed when he was 3 weeks old etc
I have a friend whose parenting choices couldn't be more different to mine. My girls are never left to cry, are cuddled to sleep, are sling worn etc. My girlfriend believes more in the "schedule" kind of life for her baby who was never even rocked in her mother's arms when she was unhappy, let alone cuddled to sleep (My GF would tell people NOT to rock, jiggle, sway etc if you were holding her child). My DD is an incredibly confident, outgoing little girl who now races happily to her cot when you ask her if its time for bed (day or night). She gets in wide awake and happily settles herself to sleep (and sleeps from 8pm until anything up to 9.30 am!) Her DD is a very shy, clingy, insecure little girl.
You can't make sweeping statements from a test case of 2 children but I think it shows that (A) gentle parenting does NOT make whimpy little kids and (2) children are individuals. What works for one may not work for another. THey all have their own little characters and while you can influence those to a certain extent, they are what they are and what is more important is that your child feels total love and security, and that you will always be there when they need them.
I am the only one of my group of close girlfriends that "gentle parents". They all look at me as if I'm a weirdo and have fortunately now given up making snide comments. Mayaness was spot on - you answer to yourself and your child. Anyone else just doesn't matter.
Last edited by LuluHB; January 4th, 2009 at 08:22 AM.
I also cuddled DD to sleep until she was about 5 months old, then she just didn't want me to do it anymore. Now she is put to bed wide awake, I walk out until she has done her little wind down (babbling, squealing, blowing raspberries), then when she is whinging (I know her sound when she's ready) I go in, put her dummy back in and she goes straight to sleep.
I was also worried about what those boooks say, but I decided that I should do what works for her and I, and if I did create a problem, I'd put a few days aside to recitfy it. Your DD probably just needs your help to get to sleep for now, enjoy cuddles while you can! Good luck
Lulu: i totaly know what you mean, i have a very good friend who followed the books and left her DS to cry etc, still gave him tons of love, she is a great mum, but followed what ''They'' said she should do. When her DD came along she had the confidence to do what felt right for her and did more 'gentle parenting' even when people said ''she shouldnt be co-sleeping at 1 yr old'' ''shouldnt breast feed till 2yrs old'' etc etc.
DS(now 5) is shy, clingy and has more tanties.
DD(now 3) is the most confident, outgoing, bubbly little girl.
She really thinks it was the way she parented that made the difference!
Obviously all babies and children are different, and like you said, where one thing will work for one child/parent totally the opposite will work for the next, but it is interesting to hear a similar story!! Like samiH said, they arnt manipulating you when they cry, just telling you in the only way they can that they need something!
Something a friend told me before i become a mummy that helped me to understand my DD more was that after you have checked all the normal things ie nappy/feed/hot/cold etc think about all the other things that may be making her cry, does she have an itch, the feeling of a breeze on her face, so many other things that wouldnt bother us, that can seem devistating for a baby....like just needing a hug!! may be obviouse to some people but helped me to see her world from a totally different perspective and be a better mum!
AND that time DOES come, cos 12 year olds needing to be cuddled to sleep isn't the world's best kept secret, it's something that doesn't generally happen (and if it does, it's not the fault of being cuddled to sleep, it's probably some kind of trauma the kid's gone through!).
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