Lulu: i totaly know what you mean, i have a very good friend who followed the books and left her DS to cry etc, still gave him tons of love, she is a great mum, but followed what ''They'' said she should do. When her DD came along she had the confidence to do what felt right for her and did more 'gentle parenting' even when people said ''she shouldnt be co-sleeping at 1 yr old'' ''shouldnt breast feed till 2yrs old'' etc etc.
DS(now 5) is shy, clingy and has more tanties.
DD(now 3) is the most confident, outgoing, bubbly little girl.
She really thinks it was the way she parented that made the difference!

Obviously all babies and children are different, and like you said, where one thing will work for one child/parent totally the opposite will work for the next, but it is interesting to hear a similar story!! Like samiH said, they arnt manipulating you when they cry, just telling you in the only way they can that they need something!

Something a friend told me before i become a mummy that helped me to understand my DD more was that after you have checked all the normal things ie nappy/feed/hot/cold etc think about all the other things that may be making her cry, does she have an itch, the feeling of a breeze on her face, so many other things that wouldnt bother us, that can seem devistating for a baby....like just needing a hug!! may be obviouse to some people but helped me to see her world from a totally different perspective and be a better mum!