Self settling

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Oh yes, and FWIW self-settling is over-rated. Some babies do, and good for them. Some babies don't. Liebling was 3, nearly 4, before he'd self-settle. Looking back, I wish I hadn't had the "babies should..." books and DH around. I wish I'd just cuddled him rather than trying to "get him down". I'm sure that cuddling a sleeping baby on the sofa before carrying him to the bed we shared rather than spending 2 hours putting him to bed would have done wonders for my stress levels. I am also sure that telling a toddler that I'll sit in his room and read while he plays as he isn't ready for bed would be just fine too and let's face it, if he's up at 9.30 anyway he can either stay up later in an evening or I can get my reading in.

In bed awake and happy, fine, see what happens.

In bed awake and upset, not so fine, cuddle, hug, rock, read, love. Anything that gets that baby to sleep and staying asleep.

FWIW, Liebling now self-settles really well (age 6). He goes to bed anytime between 7pm and 9pm. He sleeps for 8-12 hours, half the time waking up after 6ish hours. I am so chilled about it you could freeze a slab of meat in me for a month. Liebling is also relaxed, happy and healthy. It works for us. And, of course, now he's older if he just can't sleep at bedtime he can read in bed until he's tired. He doesn't need me there. Which helps me relax about it too.

eta: Just wanted to add, Liebs learnt to self-settle not when he was ready. Because I just couldn't do it any more. I had to tell him "Mamma needs her coffee, I'll be back after it" and just leave. If he screamed, I would count to ten and go back. But he realised I would come back and didn't scream. Even so, I would be almost finished and hear his voice asking if I could come back yet. I always took my half-drunk mug to show him I was not lying when I said almost! But still returned. And when I was stressed when he was little, I had to have him cry for a minute or two for my sanity. But I do think that just not worrying about his sleep and baby-bedtime would have been better for us both.

I didn't enjoy my baby when we battled sleep. I couldn't "just relax and enjoy him". He was not a part of me, I was not a part of him. I was just in survival mode. No amount of relaxing would have lead to me enjoying baby Liebling. So don't worry about "relaxing and enjoying". Just worry about doing what's best for your sanity. When that happens, you can see some fun. But generally speaking, not before.