Tasha, this may sound harsh. I do not intend it that way. I recognise that you want to do everything just right for your baby, that you want her to be happy and we all know that the more sleep you get, the more rested the brain and the better to learn and enjoy. It sounds like you are doing all you can to be the perfect mother. I applaud you for that.

But...

It clearly isn't working for you. You sound so stressed. About everything. Your baby is not yet five weeks old. She'll not do things she's supposed to - including sleeping. Babies can be forced into a strict routine, but it is stressful and not what the baby needs. What baby needs is a mother who loves her and goes with her needs. Which can be more sleep or less sleep than prescribed (Liebs was always a less sleep baby and still is a less sleep child). It can be more or less feeds, milestones met at different ages... Please can I urge you to not worry. The phrase "sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby feeds, rest when the baby rests and clean when the baby cleans" is what you need to follow, not something that is stressing you.

You can do it. You will fumble your way: we all have to. We don't birth a Haynes Manual with the child. It doesn't sound that muddling through is coming easy to you and you need reassurance: please believe me when I say mistakes are not the end of the world and all our babies are different. What works for some doesn't for others (trust me, I tried all the sleep methods save for total abandonment, although that was contemplated). And studies show that a "perfect" mother screws her children up more than a muddling-through mother. Or at least in a different way (I only buy parenting books and read studies that support my style of parenting - you may find things differently depending on what you read).

I say this not to bring you down, but build you up. When you give yourself permission to try and fail, you give yourself permission to let go of the exhausting mental strain and to start to enjoy life. Enjoy playtime at 2am, knowing you'll nap at 2pm. Enjoy the cuddles. Enjoy the late-night Star Trek sessions: everyone needs more Patrick Stewart in their lives, even at this early stage. It does pass. Not quickly enough, or too quickly, depending on who you ask. And asking for advice is great, just know that the answer is usually already in your heart if you trust yourself. (That sounded stupidly corny even to me.) Please trust yourself more, you are doing a great job as a new mother.