Self settling

[Arcadia]

Dd had silent reflux too and it was a tough introduction to motherhood. I found eating a really bland diet helped. Things like broccoli, onion, garlic, chilli made it a lot worse. Dairy seemed ok but is a known trigger.

You'll never really figure out what is wrong or right though. You just have to go with it. My mum used to say what's the point of perfecting a 6 week old baby, because they'll be seven weeks in a few short days and then a completely different baby again.

We ALL muddle on through. Routine and predictability takes months and years. Not weeks.

There are many dads walking the streets at 2am with an unsettled baby or driving around with a crying newborn. We are all L platers to begin with.

[little_O]

That is a brilliant quote from your mum Arcadia!

So true.

[Caz_88]

Hey hun... not ideal I know but I thought I'd let you know how we got thought the period until DS was medicated for his reflux.... he slept sitting up. Whether it was in his swing or capsule- that was where he slept best. I was berated by other mothers telling me it wasnt safe.... it was my GP who told me to do it. Your sanity is important too. DS slept next to our bed, in his capsule... on the rocking chair so I could rock it from bed with my foot (bad parenting 101) but it got both of us through. Message me if you want to chat about it all

[maybebaby2012]

Pmsl at rocking with your foot caz! So been there!!! I don't know about Tasha but this thread helps me, a lot. I need, need, need to be reminded by a community of mostly like minded women that this is all ok.
Somehow I keep meeting people who suggest the answer to all of my frustrations is to whack my baby on formula or leave him to cry.. On the hardest nights at 3am it's so tempting and I forget why I'm persisting if it seems the magic answer to everyone else.
But I read this and it gives me comfort and the encouragement to carry on , validates my choices and reminds me of the things that are important to me as a parent

So from the mum of another sleepless 5week old, thank you for the boost and vote of encouragement from those that have been through the dark tunnels and came out in the sunlight! Xx

[lady_neon]

Oh Tasha. Please don't think you weren't supposed to be a mother due to having difficulty conceiving! So not true - most people I know with trouble conceiving are the ones who would make the most amazing parents, but that doesn't mean it comes easy! You've been a parent for a little over a month, not long at all. It was about 4 months before I was confident in my JOB, don't expect to be a perfect parent - hands down the hardest job in the world - after a few weeks. Breathe hun. I have some rules for you.

1. Babies have no rules.
2. Expect nothing. Be surprised.
3. Ask and accept help. It takes a village.
4. Babies have no rules.

[PumpkinZulu]

Are you block feeding Tasha? Have you read about/been told about lactose overload? DD2 struggled with that and very severe reflux. As a very little baby (6 weeks and under) she would cry and cry and cry, often for 3 hour blocks. I'm not even kidding, she would literally cry and scream for 3 hours straight, and then pass out from exhaustion. She wouldn't sleep for more than a few hours, she couldn't be put down ever. A combination of medication for her reflux (which she's still on) and block feeding eventually fixed both those problems. She then started sleeping through the night from about 7 weeks Even though she's back to waking every 3-4 hours now at 8 months (fairly normal, at least it seems to be for my babies) she's no longer in pain, teething aside.

[Sagres]

So when she is not sleeping at 2am, is she unsettled, crying, screaming, content or something else? If she is awake but content I would think that she is just running on a schedule that is known only to her and I think the timetable went out of print, sorry about that mummy As many others have said anything before 12 weeks can be all over the shop with little rhythm or reason for you to work with so it is best to work with her and not against her and just let what ever happens happen and try and get as much sleep as you can. I promise it gets better!
If however she is screaming, distressed, crying, arching her back, having trouble getting wind up, doing really wet sounding burps, seeming uncomfortable etc. I would be looking at what the underlying cause could be for the pain or discomfort, which I'd think reflux would be one I'd look at as top of the list.

Either way IT DOES GET BETTER, it really does {hug}.

[Marley&Me]

It's probably half half. The only time she settles on her own is if she's drowsy after a feed, which isnt very often. Most of the time she falls asleep on one breast and is wide awake on the second. Then it will take 60 minutes of getting her sleepy, putting her down, waking and resettling over and over. She goes down, sleeps for 10 minutes then wakes and cries. This will go on until the next feed or close to. It's always 1.5 hours after I start the feed that she finally starts looking sleepy. And feeds are only taking 30 minutes now. So that's 60 minutes of settling. I can usually tell when it's wind, so I try and burp her some more, but I hardly ever get one up second time round. Her face will go red and she will sound like she is straining.

[Sagres]

How does she go sleeping more upright (like you holding her up against your body, or in a sling, or even a swing or rocker that is more upright? Does she sleep longer? My DD2 would only sleep for 10 minutes at a time (and sometimes only 10 minutes for the whole day) because basically when she layed down flat in her basket the stomach acid would then flow up and start burning, but staying upright was better (not fantastic but better!). Not saying your DD has reflux but the sleeping for a very short time then waking up is a really really classic reflux sign at this age. When they get a few weeks older reflux can look a bit different and more obvious, at 4 weeks it is really hard to pick.

[HotI]

My two rarely settle by themselves, and they are 19 months and 3.5 years old. Not self settling is not a sickness. Difficulty settling with parental help may be an indicator that something is upsetting them.

Tash, did you decide on the 3 hour feeding plan, or was that one of the MCHNs you are seeing?

[Heaven]

Most of the time she falls asleep on one breast and is wide awake on the second. Then it will take 60 minutes of getting her sleepy, putting her down, waking and resettling over and over. She goes down, sleeps for 10 minutes then wakes and cries. This will go on until the next feed or close to. It's always 1.5 hours after I start the feed that she finally starts looking sleepy. And feeds are only taking 30 minutes now. So that's 60 minutes of settling.

Are you waking her up to give her the second side? Have you tried just letting her sleep? If she falls asleep after the first side then maybe she is done. Waking her up and feeding her more might just be upsetting her tummy? Maybe just put her into bed when she falls asleep and then give her a top up feed when she wakes. There's no need to stick to any schedule with feeding, just your baby's schedule.

OR, you also said if she's not sleepy after a feed, then it's usually 1.5hrs later she is looking sleepy. Why not just lets her stay awake until then? There's no use trying to put a baby to sleep that isn't sleepy. Wait for her sleepy cues and start then. I always tried to put them to sleep with a feed because that was easiest. So I would feed when she woke, then if she wasn't sleepy after the feed just let her stay awake (cuddle her, talk to her, give her some tummy time, whatever you want), then I would feed again when she looked sleepy and let her fall asleep on the breast. I would then try and put her down when she was asleep. If she woke after 10 mins I would resettle by rocking or a sling, and if that didn't work just feed again. When she was asleep I wouldn't bother trying to put her down again, just hold her and watch TV or something and rest. Mine always liked to sleep on me and would sleep much longer that way.

You can feed her as much as you want. It's a really natural way for a baby to fall asleep (not to mean the easiest for us!) so I would forget about any kind of schedule.

There is a reason she is sleepy during a feed and then again a bit later, go with it:

the baby produces CCK (cholecystokinin), both from suckling and from the fatty hindmilk reaching the baby’s stomach at the end of a feed. The Australian Breastfeeding Association explains:

There are actually two CCK peaks, one at the end of a feed, and the other higher peak between 30 and 60 minutes after the feed. The baby sucks, gets sleepy, dozes off for a while then wakes again for a top-up feed. That higher-fat feed causes the second peak and the baby goes into deeper sleep. Top-up feeds are also great for the mother’s milk supply.

[Marley&Me]

Sagres, I prop her bassinet up a little so she's not completely flat. It doesn't seem to help though.

HotI, 3 hours is just what she does. Give of take a half hour. She will only sleep over if she's in the capsule in the car.

So just now this is what happened: I fed her at 4:00. Rocked her asleep sitting on the couch. Walked with her to the nursery, as soon as I entered the room BANG her eyes open and she starts grizzling and fighting out of her wrap.So I walk back to the couch and start again. This time once she's asleep I put her in the bassinet in the lounge. I start dinner and then BANG she cries again. I put her dummy back in several times. She's quiet for a few minutes and then cries again. DH says to just let her cry so I do while we talk and I finish dinner. After about 5-10 minutes of crying she just stops and goes to sleep. But my problem is its now 6:30 and she will be due for a feed in half an hour!

[Heaven]

It's ok to hold her while she sleeps. Maybe your DH could have helped by either making dinner or holding her while you made it so that you could have a break.

[Lily Dust]

It's ok to hold her while she sleeps.

I wish I had done this more with DD instead of beating myself up as to why she wouldn't sleep.

[Marley&Me]

I do hold her till she's asleep, but as soon as I put her down anywhere its all over. Dh offered to take her, but he was painting her tallboy so I just said I'd do it.

And now I just tried to feed her and she starts crying at the breast and stops sucking!??? She won't feed so DH is giving her a bottle and I'm now expressing

[Heaven]

I do hold her till she's asleep, but as soon as I put her down anywhere its all over.

I mean it's ok to hold her for her whole sleep. During the day just kick back in front of the TV and let her sleep on you. My DD1 did not sleep anywhere but on me for naps until she was over one...ever! She would open her eyes as soon as I tried to put her down, even if she was in a deep sleep. She just wanted to be close to me. I don't like sleeping alone either. The good news is at 4 yrs old she still has a day nap of 1.5hrs and sleeps all night, so it all works out in the end

Not sure why she won't feed now but I would just stop and try again in a bit. Re the timing of the feeds and sleep etc, I just posted about that before, could you try those ideas? I just know it sucks when they fall asleep and it's not long until the next feed so you know they won't sleep long anyway :/

[boomba]

Big hugs Tash.

Do you have a sling or carrier? Sounds like your baby just wants you which is totally normal. I would suggest just put your baby first for everything don't worry about anything else just her. Ask your eh to help,out as much as he can like cooking etc. don't worry about the house just concentrate on you an baby. Feed her on demand let her sleep when and where she wants. You an create rituals which will turn into routine in no time. Find your own rhythm with your baby not that out of a book or a sleep school every baby is different and I ly you k ow her.

Big gentle hugs and be confident in your parenting. It's a big learning journey for both of you xxx

[Mrs Mac]

We have all had those days Hun, you just do the best you can to get through it and know that it won't last forever. I have had a shocking 24hrs of 2 hour feeds after I thought DD and I were finally in a good routine. You just have to do what works for you an not worry too much about what you should be doing. I find having a good cry when I'm frustrated helps me and a bath for DD (because she loves them) always helps to calm her down and get her relaxed enough to go to sleep. Remember your doing a good job and bub is grateful for all you do.