But there are heaps of us telling you it IS normal Anything is normal, they're babies, they don't really know what they are supposed to do, its all instinctual for them. What tired signs is she showing when you are trying to put her to sleep? I know my kids had about a 5 minute gap between being tired and overtired. It was a PITA to try and time it right, but eventually you figure it out, or they just get older and better at sleeping!
I don't think you are any different to the rest of us, we would all like a baby that just settles easy, feeds great, goes to sleep on their own for 3-4 hours at a time - of course we would all like that, but its just not reality I'm afraid. Doesn't mean we don't all wish for it, just means that we know its not going to happen so we follow the path of least resistance - and thats the what the baby tells us to do.
Do you have a sling you can pop her in to go around the house and do what you are doing? After a feed I used to put mine in one and just walk around doing household stuff or playing with the other kids - and most of the time the baby would go to sleep. I didn't follow a certain schedule or anything, if baby was hungry I fed it. If it was tired I would try for 15 minutes to rock it to sleep if it didn't want a feed. If it was overtired - out came the sling and I popped on some music and just relaxed.
Its very possible that you are misreading her cues - I did the dunstan baby language stuff and that helped me HEAPS in the early days. Have you looked it up on youtube or can get the dvd's or something? It really helped me learn their cues properly and I was wrong with most of them!
ETA - I'm one of those mothers who showers at night. In the early days it was great to give the baby to DH and know that they were safe and I could go and shower in peace and relax after a crappy day. Now I still do it, but its to get away from the toddlers that want to shower with me when all I want to do is chill out for a little bit and enjoy a bit of "me" time.
Tasha it's normal for some babies to not like sleeping during the day two of mine were like that, so I just had to learn to go with the flow there is no point fighting to get her to sleep only to have her wake up again. A sling/carrier or swing were a life saver for us so they could be near me or touching me if they needed to. Forget about what people are teeming you she should be doing and focus on works for both of you, rather than trying someone else's routine. Looking at reflux could be worth a try as both of mine who fought day sleeps had it and one was on medication. Unfortunately the mchn's often overlook it as others have said.
She will pick up on your stress too. Can you get someone over to take her for the day, bringing her into you for feeds? She will relax with a calm person, it truly makes a difference. I've just bought the Music for Dreaming CD and that calms us both.
There are little things that a baby does that shows they are sleepy, like pp mentioned.
Sometimes by the time they are showing other signs, they are way over tired and you have to fight an uphill battle.
My SIL went and saw a sleep doctor for both her babies, and whilst I never did because I didn't agree with all his methods, he did have some fantastic advice on reading the baby's signs.
She lent me the book (which is unfortunately packed at the moment) and he was a firm advocate for the amount of "play" a baby gets at what age. The reality is at that age it is only 15 min or so of "play" that they need before they start showing signs of needing to sleep. As they get older these increase.
Whilst it may feel like baby never plays because it goes from feeding to playing to needing to sleep again very quickly, once I picked up the signs and was proactive dd started to settle really well.
As soon as I left her to play too long it was hard to get her to sleep.
I also found a system for getting her to sleep that worked. She would sleep, feed(one side), play, feed (other side) sleep.
My child's nurse also helped me greatly with wrapping dd. I always believed she hated to be wrapped because she would fight her arms out and wake herself up. My angel of a nurse told me to get a cot sheet. Fold it in half long ways. Then wrap as I would normally, except you ended up with heaps of fabric left. With this fabric you then kept wrapping around firmly until it was all used up. Dd could not move her arms at all. And you know what. That little monkey slept like a dream, she wouldn't wake when I put her down because she still felt secure and like she was being held. Massive turning point in settling her for us.
Tasha, I don't know what's going on apart from what you have written in your posts. So from an outsiders view it seems like you have an idea of how you want your baby to sleep and are trying to implement a sort of routine. It's totally fine to have ideas and try different things. When it's not working though, then it's time to try something else. Your baby doesn't like this routine, it's not working for her. You can keep persisting with it and stressing the both of you out, or you can try something different. I know what I'd be doing. When you're ready to try something else then I would just read back over this thread, there are many many great suggestions from people who have been there before and found things that worked. It's all about trying new things and finding the best thing for your baby.
And yeah, your baby is normal. Yes, that is how babies are IMO and a lot of other people's. It would be awesome if they kept to a feeding schedule and self-settled from birth but that is a totally unrealistic expectation for the vast majority of babies.
Last edited by Heaven; August 13th, 2013 at 11:07 AM.
As hard as it is to accept it is really really ridiculously normal. Everyone has said all this before so I don't want to badger on about it but it is.
Both of mine only slept on me for at least the first 6 months! Even now sometimes I need to lay with DD2 during her nap and she's still cosleeping at night. Babies come from being inside you where they hear your heart and your voice, feel your movement constantly and are fed through no effort at all times so it is a huge adjustments where babies will tire easily, feed often and mostly just want to be around you. They actually don't realise they aren't a part of you for some time because they kind of were which is what separation anxiety is all about, discovering that fact.
It will seem easier when you stop trying to change nature and focus on just making it more comfortable. Find a good spot: sitting or laying or a sling, gather things you need: water bottle, snacks, nappies etc close by, find something to do: read a book, browse the net on your phone, watch a DVD or tv series and forget the rest. Just relax and get through it. You can start incorporating housework and junk later. I didn't do the dishes for like 12 months after DD2 was born, DP basically did everything outside of feeding and settling and all that baby (and toddler since there was DD1 too) stuff and I don't feel guilty at all because that's a partnership you know, when you can't carry the load they take over. Now I do it all because I can but I accepted when I couldn't. Just do what you can.
If she doesn't settle quickly, stop trying. Do something else. Walk with her in the pram or sling, just cuddle and sing, feed her (it is hard to overfeed, I've always worked on the principle of if in doubt, flop em out lol) but don't think of sleep as a goal, that will make you frustrated when it doesn't happen which at times it won't so just focus on the moment and enjoy what you are doing.
If you have no goals then you can't be failing so just expect nothing, take each moment as it is and survive however necessary. Even if you do manage to achieve a routine or self settling or whatever your aim might be it could all change the next day, there's teething, there's separation anxiety, there's developmental stages like crawling and walking that unhinge sleep so unless you want to be fighting this same battle over and over, just temporarily surrender control to the baby, you get it back before you know it.
Don't worry about what's "normal" for other people and work out what is normal for you and your DD.
DD1 had dropped all day sleeps by 1. That was her normal. To everyone else, it was abnormal and I should have tried harder to get her to sleep. But as soon as I accepted it, it was fine
DD2 has a 35 minute day nap. That's all. It was two 35 minute naps, now she's on one. She has just turned one. It did my head in for ages and finally I just gave up and accepted that this was it. I was happier, she's happier.
What do you and bub do together while she's awake? Has it become a thing where you're only ever trying to get her to sleep? Is there playtime (like singing songs, reading a story, pointing to your face and showing her your nose, eyes, chin...) I ask because I know too well how easily it can be the focus - you need to get things done, you need her to sleep and she won't.
From what I'm reading, you are being incredibly hard on yourself and that's leading to you having expectations on bubba. She is very new and you're still in the go with the flow time. If she has good sleeps in her capsule, can you go for a long drive? Take her for a walk in the pram. With DD1, we walked for hours! If she's asleep in the pram when you get home, leave her there. Don't try and move her. In all honesty, I wouldn't wake her for a feed either (unless it's been hours and hours). Sleep deprivation sucks big time. If she sleeps for 1.5 hours during the day at a time, you should go and sleep (or at least rest). Make the most of it.
Hang in there. We all do our best with what we have and they are all different. Even siblings! By six months DD1 had dropped night feeds. At 12 months DD2 is still feeding 4-6 times every night! There is no normal across the board. There is what's normal for your baby and that's what makes it easy to tell when there is something wrong.
Tasha, none of my children like sleep, they never, my children do not nap during the day, even as a newborn, they've always had power naps or catnaps but never nice long naps in their cots.
With dd1 I would go crazy trying to get her to nap, it never happened. Then dd2 came along and she followed. By the time dd3 came along I didn't even bother hoping that she woul sleep.
My point is your dd is normal. I am starting to think this isn't about the self settling or her feeds, but it's about something else. You have pages and pages of people offering advice, reassuring you that your dd is normal even the child health nurses are saying the same. So what's the real issue? You are a good mother don't doubt that ever, your dd is meant to be here, but seriously what is the real issue going on?
Tasha, just to provide you with some perspective on what other babies can be like, my DD1 was one of those babies that slept beautifully, right from the beginning, lots of long naps during the day, a by-the-book settler, you hardly knew she was around. I could put her down in a cradle and leave her to sleep, she fell asleep while bfing and transferred easily. I thought I must be so good at this! That was baby no 1.
Baby no 2 - what a shock! I'm so glad she was my second or I probably would have had a huge crisis of confidence in my parenting abilities. During the day, she hated lying in her hammock (which was no drama at all at night time). She would take two 40 min naps maximum, and that was only if I wore her in a sling or wrap on me (or held her, but I had another child to run around after, so it was mostly the sling). She woke as soon as she was put down, she would not sleep in the car (in fact, she hated the car and screamed the entire drive ). But I don't think she was a 'bad' sleeper. She just needed less sleep than DD1 and she's the kind of person who sleeps lightly and wakes easily. She takes a fair while to settle down even now (although she's a toddler and doesn't need to be held). I also discovered through chance that she's a tummy sleeper, so what sleeps we did manage without her on me in the earlier weeks were in the middle of our bed (a flat surface, with no bedding around her) on her tummy. 40 mins was it though, for at least the first six months or more.
It will pass. Even my harder to settle DD2 eventually found her groove after about 14 mths and started having a longer nap (just one) in the afternoon. It can be anything from 40 mins to 2 hrs, but it's reliable and not too hard to get her down. We just go with the flow. She's growing, happy, healthy. Just super interested in anything going on around her. She has always hated to miss out!
Just an alternative to your friends' babies that sleep for long periods through the day. I've had one of each, so it certainly wasn't me or what I was doing!
Tasha, huge hugs. I've been following your journey along with many others and TOTALLY know your pain, anxiety and worry. I will be back later to post more but in the meantime, in case you're up and worried, please read my post from 2009 when my DD1 was about the same age as your DD. I can happily say we survived Parenting is awesome, things do get better, a WHOLE lot better, and although DD2 was a terror from 5-9 months at night, she really did seem easy as the shock wasn't there, we kinda knew what we were doing. And we knew that the good out weighs the bad and all the 'stages' are actually short lived. The light does shine brightly at the end of the tunnel - I, along with thousands of other mummies, PROMISE this to you.
I'll be back to fill you in on DD1 and what we did and what saved my sanity. For now hon, please take a big breath and remember you are not alone. It's a huge shock but what you're experiencing is totally normal
Tasha, huge hugs. I've been following your journey along with many others and TOTALLY know your pain, anxiety and worry. I will be back later to post more but in the meantime, in case you're up and worried, please read my post from 2009 when my DD1 was about the same age as your DD. I can happily say we survived Parenting is awesome, things do get better, a WHOLE lot better, and although DD2 was a terror from 5-9 months at night, she really did seem easy as the shock wasn't there, we kinda knew what we were doing. And we knew that the good out weighs the bad and all the 'stages' are actually short lived. The light does shine brightly at the end of the tunnel - I, along with thousands of other mummies, PROMISE this to you.
I'll be back to fill you in on DD1 and what we did and what saved my sanity. For now hon, please take a big breath and remember you are not alone. It's a huge shock but what you're experiencing is totally normal
Something I forgot to mention, don't be worried that if you are cuddling her to sleep snd holding her while she is asleep now that you are creating bad habits later I did it with all of mine and now they settle happily in bed, all of them were doing it at around 12 months they know that if they need me that I will be there.
Thanks Heaven, I am ok. Dd is still unsettled. She is ok during the day, but nights are not so good. Infacol is helping with wind heaps, but she still fights sleep. We feed, play for a while and she is happy, but as soon as I wrap her she cries and squirms kicking her legs and cracking it. I just hold her tight and keep rocking her till she's asleep. At this point it has usually been 1.5 hours after I started the feed do I know she is tired. I'm not sure if feeding is going do well, in about to post in the professional section for done help...
Thanks Heaven, I am ok. Dd is still unsettled. She is ok during the day, but nights are not so good. Infacol is helping with wind heaps, but she still fights sleep. We feed, play for a while and she is happy, but as soon as I wrap her she cries and squirms kicking her legs and cracking it. I just hold her tight and keep rocking her till she's asleep. At this point it has usually been 1.5 hours after I started the feed so I know she is tired. I'm not sure if feeding is going so well, im about to post in the professional section for done help...
Tasha, hello lovely. I've been keeping up with your updates here and have held off adding anything as all the girls here have already been so supportive with wonderful advice. However after reading your last few posts here and in your bellybuddy threads I couldn't not. I could have written what you've written word for work 18 months ago when DD was tiny. She DID NOT settle. Nights were actually better than days but she never ever self settled and it would take a MINIMUM of 20-30 mins to get her to sleep. Most of the time at least 40-60 minutes. She screamed, she cried, she passionately resisted every time. Then during the day she'd only sleep for 20-30 minutes! So an hour settling my baby for 20 minutes respite!
Some mamas here have babies that will only sleep for short stints at a time even as they get older but DD did 'improve'. But it took 6 months. And as others have suggested, I do believe it comes down to individual babies. Self settling is something some babies can do, but some can't.
I also remember clearly- very clearly! - having the same thoughts around not wanting to sit around the house feeding all day. Unfortunately, as I realised in retrospect, that's often the only way! And hey, it's actually pretty nice! If you give away the guilt of feeling like you're not doing 'enough' with your day. This is a rare time in our life that not only is it perfectly ok to sit around all day, it is necessary. Your baby is so new, so tiny still. she needs to be cuddled and held to sleep. She doesn't like this out of the womb bizzo, she needs time to adjust to her new world.
Get together your favourite DVDs, ipad, iTunes, phone or whatever. Plump up your couch or chair with a quilt, pillows, water, yummy snacks. Let bubba feed and sleep on you. And enjoy! Because this phase won't last forever and once day, when she is feeding and getting distracted by the TV, by your face, by random sounds, by pretty much everything, you will wish you could just feed her for ages and not have to move. It goes so fast.
I'm pregnant with #2 and one thing I'm doing differently this time, when bub arrives safely, is not trying to put her down to bed so soon, so quickly. Just to lie with her and hold her a bit longer. I remember in the first days in hospital, awake at 2, 3, 4, 6 am with a crying baby and I kid you not, there was only one other newborn on my ward that was also awake off and on all night. I came to recognise that baby's cries as well as my own! All the other mothers must have been blessed with sweet sleepers and I was so insanely jealous. I craved my nightly showers as that was the only time I had in the early days without a crying baby. When she'd finally, finally settled and I could hop in- I washed my hair and and showered at night for a long while.
It's so hard, this early phase. So hard I could cry remembering it myself. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to let go of expectations. That's the kindest and smartest thing you can do right now. Xxx
I just can't do it. EVERYTHING I read and EVERYONE I talk to days that by 7 weeks her sleep should be longer at nights. DH is away tonight so there is no bottle from him and no sleep for me. I fed at 10pm, 12:30, 3:15 and probably again at 6am. My eyes are burning and I can't function. I'm scared to drive because I'm so tired. And all I keep hearing is that this isn't right. Mum said "you kids went down easily, I had no problems" and DH " DS slept through at this age, I don't understand what's wrong" a friend if mine "yeah, my DS is sleeping in 5 hour blocks at night" I've hunted other forums and they all have endless posts about their 7 week olds sleeping longer at night.
Why won't my baby do this!? I can't take it anymore.
Anything is normal, they're babies, they don't really know what they are supposed to do, its all instinctual for them. What tired signs is she showing when you are trying to put her to sleep? I know my kids had about a 5 minute gap between being tired and overtired. It was a PITA to try and time it right, but eventually you figure it out, or they just get older and better at sleeping!
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). But I don't think she was a 'bad' sleeper. She just needed less sleep than DD1 and she's the kind of person who sleeps lightly and wakes easily. She takes a fair while to settle down even now (although she's a toddler and doesn't need to be held). I also discovered through chance that she's a tummy sleeper, so what sleeps we did manage without her on me in the earlier weeks were in the middle of our bed (a flat surface, with no bedding around her) on her tummy. 40 mins was it though, for at least the first six months or more.
Parenting is awesome, things do get better, a WHOLE lot better, and although DD2 was a terror from 5-9 months at night, she really did seem easy as the shock wasn't there, we kinda knew what we were doing. And we knew that the good out weighs the bad and all the 'stages' are actually short lived. The light does shine brightly at the end of the tunnel - I, along with thousands of other mummies, PROMISE this to you.
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