I was thinking about this last night and also wanted to add that when bubbas are so young it can be a fraught time for those around you and bubs that are not the primary care-givers..they love this baby with so much of their hearts but the reality is that they are not the be all and end all for your baby ATM. they are more there to be there for you and bubs as a unit, a single force. their role is to support you as you raise a young baby. but TBH i think people (due to a loss of the village) dont really 'get' that anymore. we are not surrounded by a squidload of kids anymore so everyone is keen to jump right in ITMS.
I found that as my DD got older it got alot easier for the extended family to be involved. she was no longer dependent on my milk for her sole nutrition, she was sleeping less and more to a pattern and also, was able to recognise different people and love the fact that they were different and offered different kinds of fun to mum. even DH really found his feet after that first year and they now also have a vastly different relationship to the one i have and so and so on. and also, as they get older, comfort can come from different people, because the communication skills are there and, for example, DD can now tell grandma when something is not right and why...so despite the rocky start where mum was paranoid that they would not have a close relationship, they now have a fantastic relationship.
sorry probably a bit garbled, but just wanted to say that the baby stage is not forever and as DD grows she will reach out and find meaningful relationships with those in her larger family. it would be lovely if MIL could realise that and just relax and wait for her time to shine!!
I always used to get accused of holding my babies too much. But I only ever held them as much as they needed to be held.
You are doing nothing wrong. What you are describing doesn't even sound like real seperation anxiety, just a developmental stage. But if it were seperationg anxiety, how would being seperated help? I don't beleive holding your baby "execessively" causes it.
FWIW - Out of my 3, only one has had any real seperation anxiety (DS1). And he has always been fine so long as I am still visible, or is with people he knows well and trusts (ie, nanna or daddy) and now at the age of 2 seems to be gaining a bit more independance on his own. I have never done anything differently with any of mine.
firstly, you are parenting based on instinct - that's what mummy's have done for many generations (until about your MIL's generation when the so-called "experts" came along and told people they are doing it wrong). Generations of kids have been raised by mummy's who attended to them. generations of children thrived on it. and then people like your MIL, who haven't raised their own kids in years, came along to try to unsettle things! pfffft
Shae is happy - Shae knows you are there for her. THAT is what's important. where or how she sleeps is no one's concern but yours! (well, your DH to a lesser extent, but as primary carer, the buck stops with you). isn't it better to get a long sleep out of her during the day and have a happy baby and a calm mummy, than to force yourself to put her down, have her wake up almost immediately, she ends up over-tired and you end up frazzled, distressed, and resenting her?
your MIL would HATE my parenting of E - especially at that age. E refused to sleep anywhere other than on me during the day. no matter how long she'd been asleep, how deeply asleep she was - if i put her down, she'd wake within 5 minutes. she was content in my arms. she was SAFE in my arms. that was what was important. at around six months, the weather heated up and it was getting too hot and E was getting too heavy for my dodgy arm so we were able to transition her to her cot for day sleeps. she was ready at that point - she started sleeping for up to 2.5 hours during the day, at least twice a day. one day she was just ready. before then she wasn't. i guess what i'm saying is take your cues from Shae - and let the two of you sort it out
on the seperation anxiety - HELLO MIL!! that's normal - even with children who aren't raised with "attachment parenting" methods. ALL children go through it! it's natural - it's part of their development - stranger danger and all that jazz! sheesh! E is pretty good with only a few people that she sees regularly. she will actively go to them - anyone else, she pulls back, and they have to wait until she has been around them for quite some time before they come close or try to take her from me. i too was a "here, go to x" mummy (had to be - was doing the single mum thing when she was little! i needed a break) - but she found a time when no, she didn't want to just be handed over. it's part of their developing personalities to be able to choose who they do and who they don't want to be around. it's normal and HEALTHY for them to choose. don't let your MIL upset you about this stuff - Shae and E sound very alike and, although now shy of "strangers" when they first come into the picture, she does come around after a short time. she will smile from the safety of my lap, then engage people in chatter, and then go to them if she wants to (or will get on the floor and ambush their feet etc!) - this is even so for the people she sees once a week - she takes her time to go to them - but when she does, she is the same with them as she is with us - a happy, outgoing, rather cheeky little girl. just the way she should be!
you're doing a fantastic job Nae - don't let anyone make you doubt yourself!
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