oh pffffffffffft to your MIL!

firstly, you are parenting based on instinct - that's what mummy's have done for many generations (until about your MIL's generation when the so-called "experts" came along and told people they are doing it wrong). Generations of kids have been raised by mummy's who attended to them. generations of children thrived on it. and then people like your MIL, who haven't raised their own kids in years, came along to try to unsettle things! pfffft

Shae is happy - Shae knows you are there for her. THAT is what's important. where or how she sleeps is no one's concern but yours! (well, your DH to a lesser extent, but as primary carer, the buck stops with you). isn't it better to get a long sleep out of her during the day and have a happy baby and a calm mummy, than to force yourself to put her down, have her wake up almost immediately, she ends up over-tired and you end up frazzled, distressed, and resenting her?

your MIL would HATE my parenting of E - especially at that age. E refused to sleep anywhere other than on me during the day. no matter how long she'd been asleep, how deeply asleep she was - if i put her down, she'd wake within 5 minutes. she was content in my arms. she was SAFE in my arms. that was what was important. at around six months, the weather heated up and it was getting too hot and E was getting too heavy for my dodgy arm so we were able to transition her to her cot for day sleeps. she was ready at that point - she started sleeping for up to 2.5 hours during the day, at least twice a day. one day she was just ready. before then she wasn't. i guess what i'm saying is take your cues from Shae - and let the two of you sort it out

on the seperation anxiety - HELLO MIL!! that's normal - even with children who aren't raised with "attachment parenting" methods. ALL children go through it! it's natural - it's part of their development - stranger danger and all that jazz! sheesh! E is pretty good with only a few people that she sees regularly. she will actively go to them - anyone else, she pulls back, and they have to wait until she has been around them for quite some time before they come close or try to take her from me. i too was a "here, go to x" mummy (had to be - was doing the single mum thing when she was little! i needed a break) - but she found a time when no, she didn't want to just be handed over. it's part of their developing personalities to be able to choose who they do and who they don't want to be around. it's normal and HEALTHY for them to choose. don't let your MIL upset you about this stuff - Shae and E sound very alike and, although now shy of "strangers" when they first come into the picture, she does come around after a short time. she will smile from the safety of my lap, then engage people in chatter, and then go to them if she wants to (or will get on the floor and ambush their feet etc!) - this is even so for the people she sees once a week - she takes her time to go to them - but when she does, she is the same with them as she is with us - a happy, outgoing, rather cheeky little girl. just the way she should be!

you're doing a fantastic job Nae - don't let anyone make you doubt yourself!