behavourial problems! We really need help!

[Catastrophic]

Hey,
As most of you know we have three children, Izzy is my first 1yo old, then Noah 3yo and Loc 5yo. noah and Locklan are from tim's previous relationship. We got Locklan a year ago, and he's settled in really well. Behaves good most of the time (except for your normal 5yo misbehaviour).

Noah we got a month ago from his mother, and we are really having a hard time! His behaviour is out of control. he won't do anything he's told without a fight! Hes extremely naughty almost all of the time. things like if he doesnt eat his breakfast he will spill it on purpose. He will yell at us telling us no and im not doing that. When you tell him not to touch something he will just continously do it! Im worried that he might have a disorder of some time. But im not sure which. His speech isn't very good at all, he is about 1 1/2yo an half behind.

and i'm extremely angry and upset this morning as i just caught him shoving his private parts in Izzy's face. i quickly removed Izzy from the room and told noah how naughty he was for doing that. and it is inappropriate. but he just sat there pulling faces at me not listening at all! he has also done it to his older brother to, Locky just tells him to stop it an comes and tells us straight away.

I've made the desision that Izzy is not to play alone with him at all! he just can't be trusted and that behaviour isnt right. But how do we stop it?

I'm loosing my patience i just don't know what to do with him! And we need help but have no idea where to turn to?

how can we control this behaviour and get it better before it gets to out of hand? Who can we seek to help us with his behaviour? I'm really at a lost and in tears of frustration and upset.

I dont want to send him back to his mothers. Because right now he really needs his parents and needs understanding and stability. And help and he wont get that there.

Please anyone that can help! we are really at a lost!

[Phteven]

I think that maybe your first stop might be your local GP. They will be able to refer you to someone who can help Noah and also you.
His behaviour does sound extremely innapropriate and for the sake of all of you I really think that it's best to seek professional advice.

[{sarah}]

Oh dear, what a tough one for you Cassie. The being naughty & talking back I can totally understand. He's in a new house, new people & he's not the baby anymore like he would have been with mum. So that sort of thing you're just going to have to work on & show him the ground rules & who's boss.

As for the private parts in Izzy's face, this would be a big big concern to me. Zander is about the same age & he would never imagine to do something like that. His penis does wees & sometimes it gets big (his words ) but that's it. I would think that if Noah is doing something like this then he has seen it somewhere which is where my concern would be. Has he seen you & daddy watching movies or walked into the bedroom at an innappropriate time maybe? Do you think you'd be able to ask him where did he see someone doing that? It works really well for Zander when we ask, "who said that" (the other day he said a naughty word & I asked him about it to be told that daddy said it in the garage...). So he might be able to remember where he saw it & you can deal with whatever the situation was from there.

And if you're concerned there's more to it, like a behavioural disorder as you said, it won't hurt to go to the GP & see if they can help.

[Lulu]

Look, its not too fabulous but I'd be inclined to seek further help just with helping him integrate into your "new" family. Things have been up and down for the little tyke and it may take awhile. He is also at an interesting age! Some kids are more resilient than others too.
Things have been a little up and down at my place too and DS is having a little trouble too. He is a pretty sensitive kid but at the same time able to push boundaries like you wouldn't believe, so I'm getting a little help from the experts. Mainly to keep me focussed and feel supported!
Little boys like their doodles and think they're a bit fabulous, DS had the "doodle dance" as part of his nightly repetoire after his bath, but he grew out out it. I just remind him it's his "private area" just for him, and that only mum, dad and he is allowed to touch that space.
I'd tackle the behaviour first and if things seem strange AFTER then, focus on that. It's just another part of his body - he probably stuck his bum in her face first.....

[Lulu]

Oh and the word "inappropriate" might not mean anything to him either. Call your local council to see what services they can offer. There is some FABULOUS help out there, don't be afraid to access it!

[MantaRay]

BIg hugs Cass. What a difficult situation for you. I have a 3yo with challenging behaviour too, so I know it's not easy. And I think it must be harder when he is still adjusting to a new environment.

I also think seeing a family counsellor or working with a parenting organisation such as PPP could be of help. They can offer an objective opinion and will have lots of strategies to help you resolve the behaviour and also to cope with it.

I wish you lots of luck. It sounds like you have taken on a lot in the last few months. Good you for that. I hope it gets easier soon.