Sleep - 19 Month Old

[SSmiles]

Hi all

Some days I'm at my wits end... My 19 month old DS sleeps great sometimes...he'll sleep 10 hours a night and during the day will sometimes go to sleep almost instantly by himself and sleep for 1.5 hours twice a day. However, sometimes he just screams and screams (not just crying but full on hysterical screaming) for as long as I'll let him (even with me in the room - although we have done controlled crying too). Maybe 50% of nights he'll go down to sleep quietly and the other nights he'll scream for as long as we'll let him again.

I'm so sick of the grandparents saying 'it shouldn't be like this' and 'he should sleep' etc...that isn't helping in the slightest.

We've tried him (quite a few times now) on one day sleep and that doesn't work at all...he will only sleep for 20 minutes maximum and is an absolute terror for the whole day. He just isn't ready for 1 day sleep yet (and it doesn't matter how many times people tell me this, it won't change him).

So, what's the go...am I a bad mother? What am I doing wrong? He's never been a good sleeper since birth and had major reflux and currently has lactose intolerance which has caused tummy pains. Teething does cause problems but I don't think that's his problem for the last 2 days (last week he went down without a problem every day/night). Should I just get over myself and if he has a bad few days just ignore it (haha, easier said than done)??

When we travel he is even worse and won't sleep at all really...it makes me not even want to travel anywhere...something I used to love doing.

Argh! How can I fix this? (we haven't been to sleep school but mostly because he DOES and CAN sleep, it's just that he has these really rough periods in between) Or should I just get over myself...

[widdly]

i dont really ave any good advice for you Sherie, but thought I'd let you know that i am having huge troubles getting my 23 mth old to sleep day or night and it is driving me insane! Like your son, DS will scream hysterically for hours if we let him, we have successfully done controlled crying with him several times over the last 12 months or so, but this time nothing will work, other than leting him sleep in our bed, and my back is gettig very sore from sharing my bed with a wriggly snuggly toddler!!

Try not to listen to your parents, they don't know your son like you do.

My DS has had severe reflux too and is only just growing out of it, so i totally understand your sleep issues and how stressful it is when everyone else's child sleeps but yours. I just keep trying to tell myself that this is just a stage and it will pass eventually, but it is really hard to get through each day when every sleep time is a screaming match!

I hope you find a way to get your son to easily sleep again, if you do please let me know your secret!!

[SSmiles]

Thanks Elissa

It isn't good that your DS is the same but it is good to know I'm not the only one. I'm so over unwanted 'advice' and comments...they don't help in the slightest and only make me angry (the first 100,000 times it was okay but now it's just getting too much - I'm sure you know the feeling).

We've had some great successes with controlled crying (as much as we hate it) and it works wonders but sometimes even that doesn't work.

I guess I just have to get over the fact that he isn't a good sleeper and the reflux (yep, 'severe' here too) really did a job on him...it took 14 months of Losec before he'd even sleep through the night. I know it's just a 'stage' but I sometimes wonder how long I can cope with it. Lucky DH is always calm and doesn't get so stressed (but then he only sees DS for a few hours each day...hehe).

Thanks again and if I do find a solution I'll be sure to let you know! Let's not hold our breaths though huh?

[MantaRay]

SS, it sounds a bit like my second DS who is 18 months. He is actually a pretty great sleeper, but he often does the screaming thing too. If he wakes in the night he screams and screams. Usually he just wants water and most times if you give it to him he's quiet, but if you try and pick him up, watch out, hysterical screaming!! Other times, he screams if you give him the water. But picking him up doesn't work, nothing does, he just screams until he falls back asleep.

DS1 was never like this, so I am putting it down to a personality thing. I also think that it is a communication thing. DS1 was talking much better at this age but DS2 wants to talk and can't quite get the words out. He has some words, but not even to communicate his needs, and tbh I'm not even sure he knows what he wants some of the time.

I am not sure what advice to give you, as I haven't found the answer either. But I think some of it is patience, knowing that as they grow up they will learn to communicate better and that will help. I also find talking to him and reassuring him helps too. Other than that, I'm open to ideas!!

[~Kim~]

Sherie. Nope you aren't the only one. We went through that too. Even though she is great now, the screaming that we used to have....
Isn't it funny though that often the people who pass comment really have no idea/children/only know 1 or 2 children.

[Snacks]

Hey Sherie, sorry that things are rough at the moment. I have seen your posts from time to time and I just wanted to reassure you that I think you are a brilliant parent. You are concerned for your DS, you're gentle and patient. The times when I have seen you around here are when you are understandably tired! And I'm sorry that you're in that place again.
You know, I've learnt so much about how babies are all so different since having one! Talking to people on here, and in my MG and in my family, I realise they are their own little people.
Sounds to me like your DS is similar to my little neice - they just don't sleep as much as you'd like. I'm certainly not trying to downplay how distressing it must be for you (only last night I was up with a screaming baby wondering what to do and today I'm a bit of a mess) but I do reckon it is all to do with who he is, and nothing to do with your parenting.
Sorry I'm not much help to you. I wish you guys a sleepy night tonight.

[widdly]

sherie, i definately won't be holding my breath! Yeah, DS has just weaned off his Losec in the last few weeks, the poor little guys probably are ust so used to being in pain and not sleeping properly that they don't know any different, and aren't too sure how to relax themselves all the time.

I think these things do go in stages, but i am like you, i don't know how much longer i can cope with it, my DH is calmer too but its only cause he doesn't spend all day every day with DS.

[bigbird2girls]

Hi Girls,

not sure if i will be much help but my dd went through this as well and it was like having a possessed child!!!! It turned out to be her teeth eye teeth.... Cutting through. So i am not sure if this may be the problem but just a suggestion?

I also hope you bubbas give you some zzzzzzzz soon and big to you all during this crappy time. Just think to yourselves though it doesn't last for ever.

jen

[SSmiles]

Thanks girls! It is so nice to have some reassuring comments and hear that I'm not the only one. If it is teething then I feel bad...haha...usually teething only causes us major dramas at night so it's weird to have it during the day only if that's what it is. If it is just his personality then I soooo wish I could change it just a little...haha... Oh well, we'll get through it, we always do...it's just hard at the time as you all know.

MantaRay: I think that it has a lot to do with personality too. DS is a very happy & healthy little boy now but he was a VERY sad, sick little man for most of his first year. I'm sure that has something to do with it.

Kim: You're right, it is often people who really have no idea who comment! That's what annoys me most...it would be different if they had been through something similar but it usually comes from people who had/have kids who are brilliant sleepers...grrr!

Snacks: Thank you, you are so sweet. I really hope it is to do with who he is and not my/our parenting skills. You always have such lovely words to make me feel better.

Widdly: Oh gosh, good luck with the Losec weaning...I hope your DS copes well! Like you, I think it has a lot to do with them being in so much pain that they don't know how to relax properly. Reflux is totally unfair and cruel!! Our DH's are lucky in a way but then you're probably like me and wouldn't have it any other way than to be home with them 24/7? Still doesn't mean we can't have a whinge every now and then...hehe...

Mum2Cheeky: Thanks! Yeah actually I got a good look in his mouth last night and wallah, there is another eye tooth popping through! (he's got 2 already and they caused MAJOR problems, but moreso over night than during the day) I wonder if that's 'all' it has been over the last few weeks... (poor little fella if it is!) I had been checking but couldn't see any movement or signs of the last 2 eye teeth but I also wasn't allowed to have a proper look without having my finger chewed to pieces.

[Lucy]

Lexie is 19 months too and has always been a fantastic sleeper, but has been a shocker in the past few weeks......I have put it down to teeth (final ones coming through) adn also an ear infection......

Have you had his ears checked out? Has he had a cold recently.

And I hear you on the "not ready for 1 day sleep yet." Olivia was very much like this. But when she hit 17 months I had Charlie as a newborn, so to be honest it was weasier to just have her on one sleep. I was doubtful at first, but ended up keeping her up until about 11.30am by giving her an early lunch & then popping her into bed. Then she started sleeping brilliantly at lunchtimes, for hours, giving me loads of time to spend with Charlie.

So it is maybe worthwhile biting the bullet & chaning to one day sleep?

[SSmiles]

Hi Lucy

He hasn't had a cold (or been sick) in ages...luckily! The dr did check his ears last week when we were there for a checkup though.

I have tried 1 day sleep numerous times...at 11, 12 and 1 pm for a week at a time or more without any luck. He just doesn't sleep at all when he misses that morning sleep. Most recently we tried again last week. On 2 day sleeps he sleeps for about 1-1.5 hours at a time...on one day sleep its' a maximum of 20 minutes even with over an hour of resettling. That's what makes me think he's not ready... And because he's a total horror if he doesn't get sleeps during the day.

[MantaRay]

Tom still has two sleeps most days too. And I think you are right about it being related to him not being well when younger. Tom had colic and screamed for the first 12 weeks of his life. I have always felt that that has contributed to him needing more comfort. He's a thumb sucker and also carries a sheet around everywhere as a comforter, and seems to just reach a point where he can't self-settle sometimes, but won't let anyone comfort him either. I hope they both grow of it soon!!