smoking.. what do you say?

[Kazmar]

I just think anyone with respect for you and bubs will wash their hands before hand. Im an ex smoker and there's not a chance in the world I would touch somebodies newborn without washing my hands. My in-laws would put a smoke out and then walk in and pick up Annabelle or as she got bigger would allow her to put her fingers in their mouths!!! Not a chance in hell thats happening with this one!
Dont be affraid just be honest, they will probably completely understand

[sunshine_sieben]

My BIL and SIL smoked outside our place at Christmas and I rudely passed a comment about them picking their butts off the ground and handed them a plastic bag so they could throw it in the bin and not on my lawn (YUK).

That is revolting behaviour.
I have a real issue with that. I used to smoke. But I never threw my cigarette butts in somebody's yard or the street or the beach. I also don't let my dog **** on someone's front lawn. Well, I do, but I pick it up. Smoker or non-smoker, littering is not ok. And littering your host's yard is really rude.

Oh, and although I found quitting relatively easy opnce I had really put my mind to it, I would never assume that it is easy for others. We all have different personalities.

Sasa

[Fleur]

Oh, and although I found quitting relatively easy opnce I had really put my mind to it, I would never assume that it is easy for others. We all have different personalities.

:yeahthat:
I tried to quit for years before finally going cold turkey - I just woke up one day & never looked back, & although I wouldn't say it was easy, it wasn't that hard either.
DH has had a much harder time, so have my mother, aunt & uncle, other family members. My sister gave up fairly easily. We are all different.

ETA - just thought I'd add my perspective now that DD is actually here.
I have to say it hasn't been as bad as I thought. I have been much more concerned with colds, flu & germs & as a result I am passing her to very few people anyway. A bit of stale cigarette smoke bothers me less than potential illness.
That said - DH has taken to smoking the odd cigar in an attempt to stay off the cigarettes. He doesn't hold her immediately after having one unless he changes his shirt (& washes his hands but that's kind of standard).
We don't have many friends who smoke now but generally it is like I said earlier - my problem is with people who reek of it. I find people who have just had one don't tend to ask for a cuddle. Those who do smoke but don't smell, I don't have a problem with.
All in all, not really the problem I thought it could be for me

[sunshine_sieben]

Jas, it really is a case of you being ready to quit isn't it?
I have had my share of "giving up" things. Before giving up smoking I managed to get over an eating disorder that had me in its grips for about 6 or 7 years. And again, I tried and tried for years to fight it, relapsing more often than I care to remember, but one day it just happened. With smoking it was a little different. although I had quit a few times, I never really wanted to quit (quit to support DH in his efforts to quit) until I was pregnant and then it worked. But I believe I was ready for it at that time. Oddly enough, DH still smokes. And it actually doesn't bother me. Yeah, I don't like the smell, but it's not a big issue.
What bothers me more is his constant talk "I really should quit" It almost seems like an excuse. As if to pre-empt any criticism. I feel like saying: "Either do something about it or shut up and enjoy your cigarettes"

Sasa

[grub17]

what an interestng topic. and quiet taboo isn't it! following is my opinion and not a judgement on anyone else or their lifestyle.....

like someone else said, would you want to be cuddled and held close to someone who wreaks of cigarette smoke? Personally, I wouldn't. But if they didn't wreak and weren't smoking around the bub, I could care less what toxic chemicals they want to inhale.

I too am a reformed smoker and I also find it extremely distasteful. I am hyper sensitive to the smell too (i reckon cos i used to smoke) and just associate it with an unhappy, unhealthy time in my life.

I don't really have a problem with people smoking, so long as they keep it and the smoke it generates to themselves. which my friends who smoke do. otherwise it's what MummiaMia said .... too bad, so sad, go away.

Your home, your baby, your rules - to me it sounds like you'd be better off just avoiding the invitation altogether cos it's obviously stressing you. I also don't think you need to explain or justify why you make certain choices for your family and child. It would be differnet if you were going to her home iykwim.

to me it doesn't sound like you can reconcile her behaviour with the standard your DH expects and come out smelling of roses to everyone.

And for the record, I also wouldn't let someone with BO and a sweaty shirt hold my baby either.

[Winter]

Here goes.....I can't stand smoking, I despise everything about it. The smell, the way that the smoke drifts over a long distance, people smoking near doorways of shopping centres, airports, outside pub and at bus stops. I wish it was banned everywhere except the privacy of your own home. There I said it.

So in answer to your question, no, my smoking friend would not be holding my baby. And to be honest, I probably wouldn't really be her friend in the first place as its a habit that I just don't like and don't want in my life.

Oooohh, that sounds really harsh, but you did ask.....sorry.

[Kazmar]

Here goes.....I can't stand smoking, I despise everything about it. The smell, the way that the smoke drifts over a long distance, people smoking near doorways of shopping centres, airports, outside pub and at bus stops. I wish it was banned everywhere except the privacy of your own home. There I said it.

So in answer to your question, no, my smoking friend would not be holding my baby. And to be honest, I probably wouldn't really be her friend in the first place as its a habit that I just don't like and don't want in my life.

Oooohh, that sounds really harsh, but you did ask.....sorry.

I agree I must say. I wont be holding back with this bub. I did with Annabelle as she was my 1st and I didn't know what the 'done thing' was or how to handle it. Now I realise Im in my rights completely to say, "Wash your hands 1st"

[Fleur]

Jas, it really is a case of you being ready to quit isn't it?
.....What bothers me more is his constant talk "I really should quit" It almost seems like an excuse. As if to pre-empt any criticism. I feel like saying: "Either do something about it or shut up and enjoy your cigarettes"

Sasa

Absolutely!

And for the record, I also wouldn't let someone with BO and a sweaty shirt hold my baby either.

ooohh... but how do you deal with that? I would imagine that is even harder to explain..."excuse me but you stink & need a shower'...

[sunshine_sieben]

"excuse me but you stink & need a shower"

lol, now i would imagine the person being horrified and definitely offended.
Actually, my dad dropped into my brother's place once on his way home from a mountainbike tour to see his grandson. The next Sunday at dinner, my SIL announced that she would prefer if he went home to have a shower first.
Let's just say, he didn't go there for quite some time...
by the way, he's one of those lucky people who don't really get bo. He has bad breath instead...

Sasa

[Roryrory]

When I was a baby my mum wouldn't let my dad hold me as soon as he got home from work - she made him have ashower and change his clothes. He was a jeweller, so I guess there may have been some residual metals on him, but mum's biggest issue was the germs from public transport

That said, I catch the train each day and I wash my hands before I touch my kids when I get home.

[Stevie]

I honestly would be offended. I have never been told no because I smoke. And I have held my fair share of babies. If someone did say to me no I couldn't hold the baby because I am a smoker I would probably distance myself from that person permanantly... sorry. I wash my hands, I never smoke just before I'm going to hold a baby, I don't smoke AROUND kids (I'm sort of a nazi about that) so i think that's enough. But if someone was to say NO because I smoke, period, I wouldn't be happy.

Im not trying to offend anyone or anything, but its their baby. If i smoked and someone told me they didnt want me to hold their baby coz of my filthy habit (obviously they wouldnt say it like that lol) i would understand. Im sorry to all those women that have smoked through pregnancies, but i dont know how you could. As an ex smoker i DO know how hard it is to quit (its been over 3 and a half years ) and i quit for alot less than being pregnant.

On the subject tho, sweet, its your baby, and surely she should understand why. and like someone has already said, blame your DH, explain how he gave up cold turkey coz thats how strongly he feels about it.

[Jellyfish]

I don't actually have any family or friends who smoke (a few friends of friends of friends who I only really see on nights out) and I guess that is a lucky thing because I don't know how I would handle it. I don't like being around people who smell of smoke so I doubt my baby would enjoy it either.

[Bathsheba]

When I was a baby my mum wouldn't let my dad hold me as soon as he got home from work - she made him have ashower and change his clothes. He was a jeweller, so I guess there may have been some residual metals on him, but mum's biggest issue was the germs from public transport

That said, I catch the train each day and I wash my hands before I touch my kids when I get home.

We do this too...wash our hands as soon as we get home as we are a big public transport using family. I call it "washing the public off".

[JellyBean]

I am a self-confessed health freak but i wouldn't object to a smoker holding my baby - provided they washed their hands and their clothes didn't reek of it.

I have 2 close aunts who are heavy smokers, and in the early days my DS would start sneezing when they held him. From then on I just asked them to throw on my dressing gown or a jumper etc, to mask the smell. They are pretty self-consious of it now, so I'm assuming that with this baby they will hold off on the smoko until baby has been held.

The reality is that we are breathing in toxins everyday when we drive, etc, and many of us slather toxic chemicals on ourselves everyday when we have a shower or moisturise, etc, so whilst I cannot condone smoking, I think a little perspective is needed.

So yeah - I would just be asking her if she minds washing her hands and putting on one of your jumpers so the baby can 'smell Mum'!

Goodluck. XX

[sunshine_sieben]

The reality is that we are breathing in toxins everyday when we drive, etc, and many of us slather toxic chemicals on ourselves everyday when we have a shower or moisturise, etc, so whilst I cannot condone smoking, I think a little perspective is needed.

:yeahthat:

[Livinthedream]

I gave up smoking when I found out I was preg with Lil Man. I recon if you can get through days 3-5 when quitting, its all good.

I dont like people smoking around my kid, but I try to keep things in perspective, in the past I smoked around friends kids so i would be a hypocrite to go making a song and dance.

HOWEVER, last time evil MIL was here (and thank christ I was out) DP informs me that she had her filthy f*ckin smokers fingers in my babys mouth "feeling for teeth" WHO does that? I didnt give up smoking so that some grubby smoker can jam their nicotine fingers in my kids mouth.
If she does it again, I am gunna snot her in the nose.
How gross....

[jakodai]

HOWEVER, last time evil MIL was here (and thank christ I was out) DP informs me that she had her filthy f*ckin smokers fingers in my babys mouth "feeling for teeth" WHO does that? I didnt give up smoking so that some grubby smoker can jam their nicotine fingers in my kids mouth.
If she does it again, I am gunna snot her in the nose.
How gross....

That is gross, but not just for a smoker, but for anyone really (although a smoker is much worse!!!)

My philosophy for my baby is going to be if I wouldn't want it done to myself, I'm not going to expect my child to do it either. I wouldn't want to hug someone who reeked of cigarette smoke, so I'm not going to make my child do it either. And fingers? Ewww!!!

[ClareBear28]

Strange how having a baby can change your perception of things....

My DH is a smoker (outside only and never in the car), and he never thought twice about holding other ppls children after having a smoke - he never smoked around them and ocassionally washed his hands but that was about it. Now that we have our own bub, he is really strict on both himself and others when it comes to holding our DS and also when he handles others ppls children.

He has a big thick racing jacket that he keeps in the shed that is now known as his 'smoking jacket' to help alleviate the amount of smoke that penetrates his clothing (and he asks visitors who smoke to also wear one when going outside for a smoke), he washes his hands and also uses hand sanitiser (of which we have a pump in nearly every room of the house and the cars), and he won't go near DS until after he has had a shower once he gets home from work... I am happy with the measures that DH has put in place to reduce our DS's exposure to cigarette smoke, and I would have no problem whatsoever in refusing a smoker's right to hold MY child if I felt that their hygeine was not acceptable.