thread: So I'm not important anymore

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Nov 2011
    NSW
    91

    So I'm not important anymore

    DS (21 months) just wants DH all the time. This has been the case for a month, right along with DH spending more time with him as I had 5 uni assignments (3 still to do). So I'm feeling awful. He's probably like this because I've been neglecting him right?

    I have PND and DS and I had big issues with bonding etc so this is just such a big issue for me ATM :-(


  2. #2
    Registered User

    Dec 2008
    8,986



    I'm positive it has nothing to do with you and you're definitely not neglecting him. Toddlers go through stages where they prefer one parent over the other. At one point my DH was the only one who was allowed to put DS's socks on him, which wasn't very helpful if he was at work and I needed him to wear shoes. Tomorrow he'll probably change and want you to do everything for him. You're not doing anything wrong.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    May 2011
    Adelaide
    747

    My niece doesn't just do this with her parents, my parents get included in this aswell! My sister and niece are at my parents at least 3 days a week (often from 10am until after dinner) and my niece has gone through periods where it's all about Pa and Pa has to do everything, and then it switched to being all about Nanny which obviously makes things hard for my sister when they're at home and not at Nanny and Pa's. Even though it's just for the day, there are times when I visit and I'm the favourite.

    It must be so hard, especially if you've been dealing with PND, but from everything I've seen this is totally normal and soon your DS will go back to it being all about mummy.

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Add MummaBee on Facebook

    Feb 2010
    NSW, Australia
    502

    Boys just love their daddys they strive for their attention and just to be like them it wouldnt matter if you gave him all the attention in the world, I swear its imprinted in their DNA. Try not to be so hard on yourself your just as important and loved the same even if he doesnt show it. I know where your coming from I been there too, it does get easier

  5. #5
    ♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
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    Feb 2003
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
    8,982

    I highly recommend the book Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Explains their needs at different ages and how it changes from mum to dad etc. Great book.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
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  6. #6
    Registered User

    Nov 2011
    NSW
    91

    I have the book. It says they prefer mum out to 6 if I remember correctly.

    Thanks so much for your replies everyone. I feel a bit better!

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    7,046

    My DD went through this too. Hurts like hell when they suddenly prefer one of the other...unless it's you! BUT, they do change pretty quickly and it isn't anything personal. They don't do it intentionally - they just know that right now, at this particular point in time, x parent has something they want.

    As hard as it is, spin it around into a positive "GREAT! Whilst he's busy attacking Daddy 24/7, I can concentrate on this assignment so I can spend quality time with him later". And then when you have a spare minute to breath, do something for just the two of you like taking him out for a babychino, or having a picnic on the loungeroom floor with all his toy trucks...

    Hang in there.

  8. #8

    Mar 2004
    Sparta
    12,662

    I think it shows what a great job you're doing. He's so secure about your love that he knows that he can reject you a bit.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,979

    You're his MUM, you will always be his MUM and there will never be another MUM for him it's normal and part of their development to bond with other people other than us. I know how you feel, it kinda feels like they're not interested in you all of a sudden when they have always needed us so much particularly that first 12-18mths, and with your pND is would be hard. But honestly, he loves you