thread: Tantrums over trivial things.

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    Melbourne
    1,022

    Question Tantrums over trivial things.

    My 3 year old DD (who turns 4 in Oct) has a lot of tantrums over really trivial things and I want to know if other kids do that?! They started when she was around 3 1/2. She still has tantrums over things you'd expect toddlers to tantrum over (like saying no to something they want). But the tantrums over such small things are really frustrating!!

    Like the other day she threw a tantrum because her sock was the wrong way round!!

    Also she doesn't ask for help when she can't do something, she just goes straight to crying/tantruming! I assume she's frustrated that she can't do it herself? I don't know what to do. I tell her to ask for help but she never does.

    Any advice?? Anyone experienced this?


  2. #2
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Apr 2006
    Winter is coming
    5,000

    I have been living this for years DS was terrible for having a meltdown if it looked like the wind was maybe blowing slightly the wrong way. He is 5 next week and still does it.
    DD1 has just turned 3 and she is also prone to just losing the plot over anything trivial.

    I have all my fingers crossed that my baby girl stays sweet and compliant but I don't really like my odds.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria
    8,924

    DD started this at 2. I sure hope we are talking about the same thing, cos it is really gonna suck if there is more to come in the tantrum stakes.

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006
    11,633

    yes. she is expressing herself and is yet to develop the skills to manage a proportionate response You don't really *need* to do anything about it.
    Sometimes there are particular triggers which leave them even more fragile and prone to meltdowns - low blood sugar, for eg, or lots of screen time (tv, computer, whatever) or even certain foods, additives.

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    In my own little fantasy world
    2,946

    My DS is the same. 100 times a day we have this conversation:
    DS: Wahh (super put on with bottom lip out, arms crossed, curled in a ball)
    Me: What's wrong DS?
    DS: DS sad
    Me: I can see that but why?
    DS: Because Daddy came home/you sat there/DD looked at me
    Me:

    Or there's the no no no no no no thing

    I'm attempting the food additives route but the time involved and lack of support from extended family is proving prohibitive. Hoping he grows out of it. DD is already showing similar tendancies.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    Melbourne
    1,022

    Oh I'm so glad DD isn't the only one who does it. Although frustrating to hear this could go on for another few years.

    The other day DD asked for a banana to eat. I got her one. Brought it to her. And she went into a tantrum because she didn't want a banana!!!!!! Arghhh somedays I feel like I can't win!

    I know she is expressing herself but I guess I was hoping I could help provide her the tools (words) to express what she's feeling rather than automatically breakdown.

    I have tried. Even just saying over and over and over and over again that she can ask for help when she can't do something or something goes wrong. Or calmly saying "it's ok if you no longer want a banana you can just tell me so." But it doesn't change.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jan 2007
    7,197

    We are having huge issues here, all we do is reaffirm to him how we speak (he is being rude at times) and that if he talks like XYZ I won't respond and I will literally turn away and ignore him and then turn and chat to DH or DD - sometimes works sometimes doesn't. Loads of praise works here as well, and I am getting him to do more things that he is capable of like putting cutlery away from thedishwasher etc. to keep him occupied as well as reaffirming that he can do stuff.

    DS wouldnt' dress himself FOREVER - did my head in because DD was 18mths old and dressing herself "I DO IT" but recently we play a game where I go - noooo JJ doesn't know how to - all the while he IS doing it and then it's like he has tricked me. He thinks its hilarious but anyway, may or may not work. I remember DD going through a similar stage so am guessing they are going to grow out of it and it is a developmental stage where they are testing boundaries and exerting some independence!!

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    Melbourne
    1,022

    Oh DD is the same Tan star. She won't ask for help yet she doesn't want to do things by herself. I've wondered if it's because she loves me doing the things for her or she's worried about 'failing'. I talk to her about trying things and that it doesn't matter if she can or can't do something it's very good to try.

    Well it sounds like I'm not alone in this which is what I wanted to know. Thanks so much for the responses. Xx

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,900

    I think it's pretty normal. I just try to remember that what seems trivial to me is a big deal to them. And breathe, lol.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Nov 2011
    SE Melbourne
    2,975

    I think it's pretty normal. I just try to remember that what seems trivial to me is a big deal to them. And breathe, lol.
    Exactly what I was going to say

    Having trouble with socks isn't trivial when you are a toddler!

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    Melbourne
    1,022

    Exactly what I was going to say

    Having trouble with socks isn't trivial when you are a toddler!
    She wasn't even having trouble with her socks when she started crying. They were just inside out, which is how she wears them half the time with no problems. Then suddenly it was a problem this one time.

    I do always remind myself that she still has a lot to learn still and that things are harder for her. But everything changes from moment to moment. One moment she wants a banana, next moment she doesn't. One moment her socks are fine, next moment they're not. And her reaction is to cry. I just feel like then I can't do anything right in those moments.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Nov 2011
    SE Melbourne
    2,975

    And you probably can't. It must be so frustrating for you!!

    Maybe just get down to her level and say "oh you look sad/frustrated/etc..." and give her a hug or just wait if she doesn't want to be touched.
    Mums want to fix things for their kids - but you can't! She has to do that herself... No time like now to learn that lesson
    xox so sad when you can't get them into a happier less confused please easily-- I'll bet

    Ps... She probably thinks socks inside out IS a problem.... Even though it was okay the other day... It's not today... And she doesn't understand why it won't just be the way she wants it to be... Oh to be three and that be OUR only drama xox

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    Melbourne
    1,022

    Yes I just want her to be happy.

    And yes sometimes I think I wish my only problems were like her three year old problems.