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Thread: They are concerned about my 3 yo development

  1. #1

    Default They are concerned about my 3 yo development

    My DD was 3 on Mother's Days and lately the CC staff have been mentioning that they are concerned about my DD speech, development and knowledge and basic understanding.
    Well when I dropped her off today and they asked to talk with me. They have been assessing her and doing a profile on her and they are very concerned. DD's speech is very limited. She will say a few words that are clear and then she babbles and she only has a few sentences with a few words. She has always been behind on her speech but ahead on her motor skills. I've been asking every health professional I've been near since before she was two and I have always been told that she is fine and will do it in her time.
    I was told that their assessment has shown that she can't count properly (she skips one most of the time and then can only count to three not 5 or 10), only knows red and blue but gets yellow and green mixed up but she will correct herself but they wont count that becasue she didn't get it right the first time. She also doesn't know out of three different sizes which one is biggest/smallest etc. She is also very hard for them to understand due to her limited speech. We don't give her anything unless she uses words or attempts them.
    They asked what I do with her. I play with her, we do drawing/craft/pictures, cooking, cleaning, play outside and we read books with her everynight. She also watching play school, wiggles, dora or a movie during her quiet rest time in the afternoon. They asked how I read her books (I didn't know there was more than one way to read a book) so I told them I read them but no apparantely I'm supposed to read it and then describe each page to her and get her to read it back and point out things.
    Her motor skills are amazing. She has fantastic coordination and balance, can climb anything, run, hop, jump, do sumersaults, ride her bike. She has great problem solving abilities. Like if she wants something she can't reach she can work out how to get it and which chair she needs to get it. She can pick her own clothes (not always the best outfits but hey) nearly dress herself totally, brush her own teeth and if we ask her to do something or get something she understands. But none of that was assessed by them.
    I told them that she is a beautiful, healthy, independant little girl and that we were letting her develop in her own time. I didn't realise that I was supposed to do structed education lessons with my 3 year old. I was just letting her be a little girl and have fun playing. I am feeling like a failure as a mum and that I have let her down. I thought that is what kinder and school was for during the structured lessons.

    So basically I'm wondering what do you do with your kids to help them with this? What do you do with your kids during the day? What is your three year old up?



    TIA,
    Dan.

  2. #2

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    Don't feel like a failure hunny all kids develop at different rates and it sounds like you are a wonderful mother.

    That said, in formal childcare and education there is a focus on kids reaching certain milestones at certain times, and whilst it may not concern you, there may be things you can do to help her speak clearer so the CC stops being concerned. I have been through all this with DS1, btw, and he is a happy, healthy boy who communicates well and is finally considered to be speaking at an age appropriate range aged 5.

    Speech therapy is quite fun for little ones, and can often give you some tips for helping your daughter. I went to a couple of private speech therapy sessions to save being put on a long waiting list and it was really worth the money as they gave me the tools to go away and help him myself. Things like praising every attempt at speech, whilst at the same time correcting her pronunciation (so if she says "eep", say "yes clever girl, it's a sheep". I also used sign language with DS1 to encourage language which worked so well I used it with all my other children just for the fun of it. You don't have to use proper signs, just make up ones that you and your DD will remember, as it is only to help her make the connection between language and objects or activities. My son was also a very physical child and I suspect that was one of the reasons his speech was so behind, as anecdotally kids tend to develop one set of skills, then the other.

    With the counting, just count everything. Trees, cars, birds, things in books, etc. She will pick it up sooner or later. My twins are 2.5 and I have only just started introducing numbers to them though, so the rate at which your DD counts sounds just about right to me.

    Have fun playing with your DD

    Trav
    xx

  3. #3

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    Default They are concerned about my 3 yo development

    Dd is not quite three and she mixes up her colours sometimes and she loves counting from 6 up to 10 but nor from one. She has conversations with dh and I but gets shy around people now.

    It's good the cc staff are keeping an eye on her but seek professional advice before you worry to much.

    We have books we read, we name the colours, ask what sounds the animals make, (horses go moo). We sing songs with counting eg 5 little ducks, little piggies.

  4. #4

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    Having had a child with speech issues, I strongly suggest that you get the CC teacher to do a referral to a speech pathologist and have her formally assessed in that department. If they assessment is fine, then no harm done and you just wait for her to do it in her own time, but if there is an issue, it is best to get onto it now instead of having to do it closer to school and have her behind at that point in time. We did intensive speech therapy with DD2 from 4yo till early this year to bring her up to speed so she could cope at school and it was worth it 110%. You also need to do it now because there are often lengthy waiting lists and even though you know she is fine in other areas, it will do her more harm than good in the long run to wait for her to do it in her own time

  5. #5

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    Oh hun HUGE hugs, I couldn't read and not post (seems to be the norm around here for me these days! )

    Anyway back to Livvy, babe I don't think you need to do anything and the CC people should be b!tch slapped for making you feel like you are a failure and letting her down. You do NOT need to have a structured education program for her babe, not at all. We do all our learning with daily things just like you, counting in daily things like how many buttons on her shirt that she has chosen to wear (don't you love their combos ), looking at colours, Izzy oftens mixes hers up too, singing songs from videos and cd's and generally just learning through playing and having fun while doing it.

    I agree with Trillian that if you are still worried about her speech then maybe get an assessment done, if there is nothing found no harm done and if there is an issue then you can get on top of it early.

    Just keep gently encouraging her babe and when she uses one word for something like a car add more words like "that's right, BLUE car" etc. Huge massive hugs for you and FWIW I have a gf whose little girl is 8 mths younger than ours, and James has more words than her. ALl MCHN's etc have just said she hears everything, understands everything is getting there slowly and is getting there at her own pace.

  6. #6

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    I'm the same at Tanstar, couldn't read and not post something.

    It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and your little one is going along with life at her own pace. All of the things that you describe that she can do sounds pretty good to me!
    If you want to take it further, I agree with the girls, perhaps get her speech assessed and see what a professional thinks. But that would just be for your reassurance as I am sure that she is just taking her time with that part of her development.

    I hate how some people can make us feel like failures.
    You're doing a wonderful job.
    Sue x

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    I don't have a three year old but she sounds awesome. You sound like a fantastic mum. You haven't let her down at all.

    Take the issue back to the CC. They must have some ideas about what they think needs to happen now. A formal speech assessment sounds like a good idea - there is such a wide range of what is normal in children's development. She sounds like she's ahead in other areas and any comprehensive assessment should take into account strengths and weaknesses cause often the strength areas can be used to help the weaker areas develop.

    Good luck hun. And stop feeling like you've let her down xx

  8. #8

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    My DD is pretty much the same age as yours (she turned 3 in the week following mother's day) and I am a bit surprised at how much they are stressing at you about it. I would be interested in the accreditation of the assessments that they are completing. I don't know much about pre school assessments, but teachers in classrooms can really only do anecdotal assessments as a way of gathering information but assessments to establish speech issues are carried out by professionals - usually guidance officers in the first instance and then more specific professionals (like speech therapists) if those assessments showed something. I also thought for that kind of assessment, they had to get the parent's permission before performing it. School and CC are probably different, but they are meant to use a fair bit of communication before they start assessing kids unless it is standard assessments that they do on everyone.

    I agree with Trill, I would get a referral to a speech therapist if you are concerned. I don't know what is normal for this age group really. My DD talks but she is not clear so that most people can understand her, she mixes up sounds when she pronouces words (so I'm sounds like my) and when we around other people she is incredibly quiet and shy. As for counting, I didn't realise that it was such a big deal that 3 year olds can count. My DD can count to 3, sometimes 4 and then get really mixed up. I never thought it was a cause for concern.

    I have been trying to teach DD how to do things for herself when she is not with me - like put on her shoes, take her lid of her lunch box and put it back on again, pack her own bag, tidy up after herself - skills I thought her teachers at school would appreciate her having because I always figured school was for learning to read, write and count. I do read with her at home and we count together for fun, we do many of the same things you do - we do craft, we sing, we dance, read stories, we talk about her toys and the things in books, I get her to retell me about things that we have done today (to work on her story telling and recounting skills) but honestly, I didn't think a lot of that other stuff was that important to be intentionally teaching them. DD knows her colours, but only incidentally. I have never gone out of my way to teach stuff like that because they are so young.

    Liviam, your DD sounds fine to me. If her speech is a bit delayed then that would account possibly for all the other things, but it is definitely worth getting the opinion of a speech pathologist. Not that I think there is necessarily anything going on, but for your own peace of mind. I think her motor skills being so well developed is a good sign.

    Hang in there with her and just keep doing what you are doing. You sound like you are doing a good job

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    Hey there, don't feel like you are a bad Mum, that's just not true!!!! sounds like you do heaps, there is no right or wrong amount of doing things and we all do them differently! Each child is different and develops and communicates in their own time and way.

    Having said that the CC staff are trained as are teachers etc to look out for specific things. They are not being horrible people, they are not doing this to hurt you!!! They don't need to be slapped, you should actually be glad they have picked something up & bought your attention to it. They could be way off in what they have said, but it does not hurt to get a refferal to a speach therapist or pead who will give you a better answer. Instead of the focus on what you do and don't do, perhaps just get a check up.....it doesn't hurt. I think the hardest thing is being told something and feeling really crap about it as you just want the best for your kids and love them soooo much. But time and time again we see parents get upset and mad about these things rather than just address them. Sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh here, this is just my opinion and training.

  10. #10

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    I thought my remark might get picked up - I didn't mean it literally, obviously, however the way they have approached this with Dan by questioning her on what she does at home and then remarking that the way she is reading is wrong etc. has made her feel pretty low about all of this. That was what I was getting at, that it could have possibly been dealt with in a more compassionate manner and if there are concerns as they have suggested there may be, they could have suggested what the next step is for assessment etc. rather than just making a statement that they are pretty concerned. Didn't mean to offend.

  11. #11

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    Hi Liviam - just wanted to let you know that if you google Tyquin Speech Pathology, they have some developmental checklists that you can have a look at. It might help to put your mind at ease.

  12. #12

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    I'm sorry they made you feel like crap. It's good that CC are looking out for your DD,but they're not speech pathologists are they? (And apparently I don't know how to read books either)
    It does sound like your daughter is very happy and healthy - obviously you're doing very well. If you're concerned about her speech, then seeing a speechie is not a bad idea. Maybe they can help you out. And maybe they can offer some reassurance.

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    I'm another who says to go see a speech pathologist if you can. If you can afford private, you can miss a waiting list of up to (or beyond!) 6 months. My 3yo really liked speech therapy, it's just like playing for them. But you can ask questions about good ways to play with your child to encourage speech, little tricks and tips. A few sessions can make a huge difference.

    ETA: I should say - don't feel bad about all the speech therapy comments, like we've read your post and gone 'oh DUH Liviam, of COURSE she should be in speech therapy!' It's just that, now that I've had some experience with speech therapy and can see the good it can do in a short time, you may as well - it won't do any harm. xo
    Last edited by Nelle; July 8th, 2010 at 04:11 PM.

  14. #14

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    She is 3.


    Relax you are doing a fine job. Lucky my DS1 doesn't go to CC, I'd hate to hear what they would say about him. Unless there is an obvious MASSIVE developmental delay, I really wouldn't worry at that age. the milestones they are messuring against are 'averages', it will all even out in the wash. If she is still having the same difficulties at four, then maybe you should investigate it a little more - but honestly I wouldn't even stress. It is hard to tell at such a young age if a kid isn't doing something because they cann't, or if it is because they just don't care enough about it to try.

  15. #15

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    I posted really quickly before I had to go out but I also wanted to say that NONE of this is your fault, you go above and beyond what so many others do with their kids and surely her life (and yours) is the richer for it I really think that often CC are too quick to look for faults in kids when often there are none, or the issues on their own are insignificant in the big scheme of things. And the way you are supposed to read a book to them? FFS that is overkill, she is only just 3 really and what they are asking you to do with her when you read is something I would expect to do with a much older child. Its great that they are observing her, but clearly they aren't seeing the whole picture with her and taking into account the areas where she is excelling. I do still think you should see a speechie, but that is me talking in hindsight having been in your position with my own DD and wishing that maybe I had of been more insistent about having the preschool teacher do a proper referral instead of choosing to keep and eye on things. It wouldn't make a difference overall, but we just would have had her at the point she is now a lot sooner.

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    I have taught kindergarten children (in formal schooling so aged 5) who don't know ANY colours and cannot count at all so i wouldn't be concerned at all about that. My DS couldn't count at just turned 3 and I couldn't care less, I think there is too much pressure on kids these days to do things way before they need to.

    Speech therapy can be very useful and can make a big difference especially if you get in early like you are doing.

    Huge hugs, I think you are a great mum- heck you do more with her than I do with my kids LOL

  17. #17

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    Couldn't not reply either Dan!
    I'm sorry that the cc staff made you feel like crap hun. It sounds like they definitely could have handled it better. You are by far no failure and you know I think you are doing an amazing job with your kids!

    Here's an idea - my DD gives your DD some of her language skills and your DD gives mine some of her motor skills lol! As you know my DD never stops talking (the kind of kid you can talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles!) but she doesn't really climb (she can do it but not confidently), can't pedal a bike yet or somersault. They are all so different and develop at their own pace. Try not to stress about it and keep doing what you are doing!
    Last edited by sangie; July 8th, 2010 at 10:15 PM. Reason: bad spelling!

  18. #18

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    Thank you all so much for your replies and suggestions on where to from here . It's all greatly appreciated as I just didn't know what to do next. I have managed to get an appt with my health nurse in the morning where I'm going to get her to assess DD and get a referral for a speechie to rule out any reasons why her speech is slow.
    I'm not angry at the staff at all for bringing it to our attention but more in the manner they did it. I'm just a bit confused as to why she just can't be a kid and they are so concerned already. I didn't talk until I went to school and I'm ok now so I was thinking she'd just be like me. I just to have fun and play with her before I'm too embarrassing or uncool to play with, LOL!!
    Thank you all so much for your reassurances and support. I'm hoping to have some more information after our health nurse visit tomorrow. I'll let you all know how it goes.

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