What did YOUR parents do that helped you after the birth?

[Beautiful Disaster]

My parents did nothing My mum lived 4 hours away and my dad had no idea really. I would have loved it if they'd even thought to help me.

Me either and my mum lives 20 min away. Mil was a surprise arrival day I got home from hospital and just annoyed crap out of me

[luna moth]

Brought me lunch -really healthy lunch- while I was pinned to the couch. Ditto for cups of tea. Vacuumed, did loads of washing. Encouraged me to have sleeps, and praised me for doing so. Did an emergency chemist run for dummies. Went out to the shops and came back with mountains of fresh beautiful food. She was staying with us, and for at least a few hours a day she kept to herself so DD and DH and I could have our own time to get to know each other.

[Gigi]

i would have loved to have parents around. It felt really sad to have no grandparents to show bilby to, to delight in her, to be glad she was earthside.

[sloane]

my parents were lovely but i really, really wished they'd brought us some more meals! i think we were given 2 meals - one from my parents & one from DP's mum. not that i expected heaps but i didn't realise what a struggle dinnertime would be & that it was when a NB was often the most...vocal alot of it's my fault though - i am useless at asking for help & if people said anything, i just said we were fine. my mum has bad arthritis so as much as housework-type of help would have been great, she's not able to (but she is a great cook!)

ETA - what i loved about DP's mum was that she would come & offer to help by hanging out washing, doing dishes etc but would also offer to hold DS - because sometimes i just really wanted the opportunity to do a mundane task like the dishes instead of being stuck on the couch!!

[Rosebud]

No help from my parents either I just wished they did for me what they did for my siblings and SIL. Meals, shopping & house cleaning

I only just recently confronted them about this and their answer was "we thought you were ok" Yeh right! DS born 15 weeks early, trips to the hospital up to 4 times/day, expressing every 3 hours meanwhile trying to be a mum to 2 other children, a wife and keeping a small business afloat. 106 days of riding the NICU/SCN rollercoaster and not one inch of help from parents that lived 20 mins away.....Sorry for the vent!

Note to Grandparents:- Please don't assume everything is ok. Even the strongest person at sometime in their life may need a little help and sometimes a little help goes a long way.

[Livinthedream]

note to grandparents:- please don't assume everything is ok. Even the strongest person at sometime in their life may need a little help and sometimes a little help goes a long way.

yes this.

[Artechim]

Even a text message to see how we were doing would have been nice.

[Roryrory]

I think the best thing any parent can do is be EXTREMELY positive. Say nothing but lovely things - you're doing a great job, you are a great mum, your baby is lucky to have such great parents, you have chosen such a lovely pram, etc etc. Be supportive, bite your tongue if you don't approve, etc.

[grub17]

not living near them, they came a few days after bubs was born. they DIDN't stay with us, nor ask to... which was very appreciated.

they just mucked in and helped. cooked, cleaned, walked the dog, took the bins out. They just treated my home like theirs, not like they were on holiday to 'care for the baby'. They really looked after DH and I and let us find our feet with a new baby. and they also gave us space

It was so lovley not having to ask and just having support without opinions or advice... unless we asked. they really stood back and let us muddle thorugh, like we needed to.

dad also coped well with the whole boobs hanging out thing lol i was pumping and having trouble feeding and basically said to him "if you are uncomfy you have to leave as i'm not hiding away in my bedroom all day". after that he was fine even cracking his dad's jokes about me being a "daisy" ie very efficient milker lol.

this time round, mum is coming to care for DS and spoil him and make sure he doesn't feel forgotten when the new bub arrives

hth

[~Kim~]

Kell I need multiple choice for the poll lol.

When it was happening, I thought my mum and dad were doing nothing, but now years down the track, my mum finally tells me that she thought I was awesome at it and so prepared, and that she wanted to give me space to find my feet. When I was sleep deprived they would make my bed up at home in my old room all clean and fresh (in a huge house where I couldn't be disturbed) and look after DD while I slept.

Much later she found out how bad my PND was and how ill I really was. After the birth of DS and I was ill (again) and we were grateful DS was alive, Mum and Dad took DD home with them for a week to let us get to know our newest little guy. At first I was horrified, as she'd never been away from me and it was 600km away, but it was the best gift anyone could have given me.

The ILs however knew we weren't real keen on a baby pass the parcel, and knew DH wanted them to help out and so they stayed away both times.

[~Trish~]

My mum was awesome, she brought food over and cleaned my floors and did the ironing. She was so encouraging and happy to help in any way she could. Even just being on the other end of the phone while I cried was a great help.

[Mirandabelle]

Ignored my "No, it's fine and all under control" reply and got up and did the dishes anyway! (But I'm terrible at accepting/asking for help, and MIL knew it.)

[purplepixie1978]

Parents live 5 hours away, so plenty of space given... but it would have been awesome if my mum had accepted that things have changed since I came into the world and I don't have to parent the way she did.

[Jellybean29]

My Mum stayed in our spare room the first 2 weeks, she got up when I did for 3am feeds and helped me with breastfeeding, especially attachment, calmed me down when I was getting frustrated, helped settle bubs. Biggest help was her encouraging me to continue breastfeeding and to not be afraid to take bubs off if he was not attached properly and to try again. I don't think I would of continued breastfeeding without her support!

She also cooked, cleaned, washed and did the groceries!

[Roryrory]

BBBurton your mum sounds like a star

[Floweryfields]

Oh it makes me sad for those of you who wanted parents to care and they didn't.

[samm]

My parents were fantastic. Mum would come around with home cooked meals, allowed me to have a sleep for a few hours between feeds tucked up in their bed whilst looking after my daughter, took bubs for a walk while i have a 20 minute massage to get all the muscles relaxed and a bit of me time and gave me lots of cuddles when i looked like i needed one.Mum was never in the way just fluttered in and out to give us time to settle in just the 2 of us. Now that i am back at work FT, my parents look after her everyday.
My Dad has filled in as the predominent male in my daughters life and always has spent time telling Ruby stories and now she is older teaching her the timestables at 2yrs old.

I am blessed to have such wonderful supportive parents.

[Just Me]

My Mum was a bit shell shocked and scared about stepping on our toes when we had our first baby so only came over if we invited her, though she did cook and freeze a few meals for us. She wanted to be there but I think she was worried ... she came whenever I rang and asked for help.

For my last baby, there was a possibility I would need a c/section but I had three toddlers and DH could only get 2 weeks off work. My mum organised 10 weeks of service leave starting the week before my c/section. She came over the night before I had to go in and cooked dinner and looked after our kids while we went out to dinner. She then moved pretty much moved in on the morning of my c/section and was here until I came home from hospital so she could care for our kids and DH didn't have to worry.

Mum pretty much left us alone then for a couple of weeks except for dropping a couple of meals around for us. Then when DH went back to work, Mum came here every morning, cooked, cleaned, did washing and looked after my three eldest kids all day while I just took care of our baby. She drove me whereever I needed to go including playgroup and mothers' group and she looked after my older kids while I spent time with friends. I still find it amazing that my mum did that for us. I was missing my independence by the six week mark, but I love what my mum did. It also took a lot of pressure off DH and he felt okay going to work because he didn't have to worry about me and the kids.

Other things my mum has done for us:
- She set up her house with everything that we need so we don't have to take anything when we visit her.
- She always changes the kids' nappies whenever she is around. It is so lovely because I am so over dirty nappies and it really doesn't seem to bother her. I really appreciate that she gives me a break from this job whenever she is there.

I'm sure I've got a few more things that I could list here but those are just a few to start with ...