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Thread: What do I do?

  1. #1

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    Unhappy What do I do?

    Hi everyone. I really need some help/advice... my 2 1/2 year old son is inbearable at times ok all the time except when he's sleeping. At home he is uncontrollable he is soo naughty I just do know what to do... If he's doing something that he's not allowed to he just goes ahead and does it anyway. I tell him no or don't do that and he just grins at me evilly and does it anyway, he touches things he knows he's not allowed to... but the thing is he waits till he knows I'm watching and then when he has my attention he does it, now he is starting to quickly grab things like my handbag or the phone(stuff like that) and then he runs off and locks himself in the bathroom.

    He purposly tries to hurt me all the time, like he'll comeup to me and pinch me or punch me then laugh and run off or he'll keep going and asking me if it hurts. He throws stuff at me and the walls. If I put him in his room he hits the walls with things and if he has nothing he lies on the floor and kicks the walls.

    Home isn't the only place he does this. When we're at the shops or friends houses he does it too. At the shops he tries to run off, so I end up carrying him. The whole time I'm carrying him he is pinching me and kicking me, even pulling my hair. People look at me like a bad mother.

    I've tried the naughty chair, everytime I put him in it he screams (it sounds like he being murdered) and the screaming lasts about 15 minutes, while he's screaming he keeps jumping of it, and I put him back on and it goes around in a circle for 15-20 minutes.



    I'm scared that one day I'll get a knock on the door and it'll be the police or child services thinking that I'm bashing him because of his screaming, when the truth is i don't even touch him and he goes off. I had a friend over yesterday when he was doing this and she told me to get him checked for adhd... Does anyone think he might have it? No-one in either family has it, so i didn't think it would happen. There's been a couple of times it's been soo bad I've just felt like locking myself in my room and crying. I'm also scared that he might hurt my daughter who is only 11 weeks.

    Sorry about how long this is but I need to get it sorted. Thank-you in advance for any advice It will be greatly appreciated.

    Ellie

  2. #2

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    Oh Ellsbells it must be so hard for you

    It probably is a good idea to get him tested for ADHD, just incase. Do you think it could be because he is jealous of your little girl or did it start before that? If it is then maybe you could try doing something with him that he likes (painting, craft) just you two and giving him lots of cuddles and telling him you love him? Then maybe he will forget to be cranky IYKWIM?

    I'm sure it is just a phase and I know that that doesn't really help but i'm sure it will pass. Sorry, i'm not sure what else you could try , maybe talk to one of those people like Super Nanny (not her but someone like her!)?

    Hugs for you and I hope it gets better soon.

  3. #3

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    How is he with Paige being around? Could he be playing up for attention now he has a new sister?

  4. #4

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    Ellie have you tried cutting anything out of his diet to see if that is making him like this.

    A few weeks ago we cut cordial out of Kimberley's and she is like a different child not so hyper all the time she does have her moments but not as much as she used to.

  5. #5

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    Thank-you for all the replies.
    He doesn't seem jealous I don't think. He is allowed to talk to Paige and has held her a couple of times, but he just gets too rough, so we try to tell him to be nice. But I have noticed that if he wants something when I'm feeding or holding Paige he tells me to put the baby to bed, and sometimes he only wants me when I pick her up... I guess that could be jealousy?

    I do try and play with him, drawing and stuff like that, and we sing nursery rhymes, he's good for a while and then he starts getting rough. He's always saying he loves and and I tell him I love him back all the time.

    I have a feeling it might be cordial... I changed his cordial to my stuff(diet cordial) and he was a bit better but then i ran out and used proper cordial and he got worse... I never really thought about that.


    Ellie

  6. #6

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    Also just a thought, but how do you react? Maybe he likes the attention it brings. Could you try ignoring it and see if he tires of the behaviour? You may have done so, sorry I can't be much more help. Whatever you decide to do, be persistent. Good luck xo

  7. #7

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    I've tried ignoring and it seems to stir him up even more. He follows me and gets right in my face. I've tried ignoring, naughty chair, putting him in his room, using an angry voice, I even tried smacking(then felt bad about it). Maybe AI should try changing his diet, but the prob there is he won't eat fruit/ vegies and hates water, he used to love all of it but won't touch anything now.

  8. #8

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    Re the water... will he drink diluted fruit juice - say 1 part fruit juice to 4 or 5 parts water? That way its still natural and doesnt have all of the extra sugar and colourings etc that cordial has.

    Have you thought about maybe contacting someone from the Triple P parenting program for advice?

    Has his behaviour changed dramatically since the birth of Paige? Because thats a big upheaval to his world. Is it possible to leave Paige with DH (or vice versa) and take him out for one on one time a couple of times a week or something?
    I dont know how practical that is, as I dont have two kiddies yet...
    Though I can understand some of your frustrations, as my son is the same age.
    I agree consistency is the key as well... although it took me nearly a year to enforce the message to my son not to hit etc.

    Goodluck sweetie, please keep us updated and feel free to vent in here if you need...

  9. #9

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    Ellie, just a thought, but when you have tried ignoring the behaviour, have you explained to him at the time that's what you are doing? I say to DS something like "Jack, you mustn't do (insert appropriate words). Mummy will pick you up and give you a cuddle when you stop doing (whatever it is)". Then he usually stops pretty quickly and comes up fora cuddle. Then I praise him for stopping the behaviour. It does work for me but then DS isn't quite 2 yet so I think we haven't hit the worst of the terrible twos.

    I also find DS is more likely to be naughty when I'm feeding Thomas (nearly 12 weeks) so his new sister could be part of the issue. I just try to spend as much one on one time as I can with Jack while Tom is asleep. Then when Jack wants something while I'm feeding, I say "Jack, you had plenty of Mummy's time while Tom was asleep, now it's Tom turn". Also I often sit next to Jack and read a story to him while I'm feeding. Again, it works really well so far but I'm realistic that it might get worse.

    Best of luck.

  10. #10

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    All the above suggestions are great... if this doesnt't work, maybe contact your community Health Centre and see about seeing a Child Psychologist, they work on behaviour and stuff, they could give you the tips on what to do, if the above doesn't work... jUts a thought...

  11. #11

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    hi, do you think he could be board? I have just enrolled my DD aged 2 into childcare 1 day a week for some child contact.
    good luck

  12. #12
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    Hi Ellie

    Let me say first that this behavious is 'normal' in most kids his age. Melissa(mel09) has some great ideas, like maybe having a chat to community health. I work with kids with disablities and let me say once he gets 'labelled' with adhd then he get stuck with it. To be honest most kids are pretty naughty by this age and are labelled unnecessarily with add and adhd then drugged up to the eyeballs. Please don't be to hasty to have him diagnosed with it. Gemma is only 14 months and does most of the things your son does too. I ignore most behavious unless it is something dangerous she is doing then she gets put in her protable cot for a time out.

  13. #13

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    Ellie firstly my commiserations! & *hugs* I know Matilda does similar things, she is intentionally defiant. If we say "No" she will grin & go do it... she is also very determined & strong willed & wants to do everything herself. I know half of her behaviour is due to being 2 1/2 and some other is part of her personality.

    We went through a Triple P independant consultant and had some intensive family councilling before the new baby came into the house. She was having intense tantrums including breath holding & forced vomitting before we went to councilling.

    I will send you a link to my de-brief through a lot of that behaviour & suggest talking with your MCHN about getting into a Triple P consultant independant of the courses. The Triple P seminars are great, but individually you can go through your particular issues a lot more in depth than you can in the seminars.
    http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=13386

    HTH!

  14. #14

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    Thank-you everyone for your advice. I looked up preservatives on the net yesterday b4 shopping and I printed a wallet size list of bad preservatives. It really shocked me to see how many were in our everyday foods right down to our bread and butter. So I changed everything so there wasn't any badpreservatives. I also managed to find a preservative free cordial... I'm just putting like a little dash in his drink bottles so his water has a bit of taste. Thank-you for the advice on that.

    Jillian - I'm glad to see I'm not alone on waiting for the knock on the door. I video taped my son throwing a tantrum so I had proof. JIC. lol, you have some good ideas that i'm going to try. He already has a sticker "progam" for going to bed... If he goes to bed without screaming at me he gets a sticker. I've tried pffereing him fruit and veges wehen I'm eating it, he thinks apples and grapes are balls and throws them around so I don't try grapes anymore, and he just throws apples straight in the bin if I cut them up for him. he'll eat dried apricots but that about it. I'll try a fruit smoothie he like milkshakes. His speech is really good for his age, he can talk pretty good and he understands us when we're talking.

    Christy - thank-you for sending the link for your de-brief, there's some good advice in it, and I really hope everything is going well now.

    Getting him checked for ADD/ADHD WAS going to be a last resort because I didn't want to have him on tablets or anything, Now I've posted in here I hav heaps of things to try. Hopefully all your suggestions work.

    Kmh - I don't think he's bored, He's got heaps of toys, So many I have packed away a couple of boxes of them(I change his toys every couple of months. Bring out the ones packed away and packed up some more, so he doesn't get bored with them.) he also has quite a few dvd's of his choice ie. bob the builder and postman pat. He also rides his bike outside most days too. He also goes to daycare 2 days a week.

    Now that I've been thinking about it he has gotten worse since Paige was born. He's been quite naughty since around his 2nd birthday but a bit worse over the last few weeks. We try and spend as much one on one time with him as we can, everynow and then I'll take him shopping with me but he just gets uncontrollable when daddies not around so it's really hard for me to take him out with out DP. I need DP to take us whereever we go anyways as I don't have my License.

    He did something new yesterday... I went outside and when I went to go back inside he locked me out. He just laughed at me through the door and then jumped on the computer(which he knows he can't touch). Lucky DP was home cause there was no way Tyler was going to unlock the door for me.

    So far this morning We've only had on tanty and that's over he doesn't want to eat weet-bix and wants everything else. which is my fault I admit. I have been buiying him "yummy" cereal the last couple of shops instead of weet-bix, so now he is telling me it is yucky and he threw it in the bin. This might sound like a bit of a stupid question But I'll ask... Tyler wakes up anywhere between 4.30am and 5.30am has brekky about 20 mins after he wakes up. what time do yo uthink I should give him morningtea? We usually have lunch around 11 and he usually has a sleep from around 11.30/12 till about 2.30/3(hasn't had a daytime nap for about 4 days.) I've been giving him something ariound 8ish he's always asking for food... should I give him foor when he asks or try and stick to a routine of brekky morningtea lunch afternoontea and dinner... with nothing else inbetween.?

    Sorry if I don't make sense.


    Ellie

  15. #15

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    I do M.tea & A.tea when she asks for it. Sometimes she will eat at 10am a main meal & only have snacks before bed at lunchtime, but the thing is she will eat anything when she is hungry so I give her healthy food then. Fruit & veges when she is most hungry & Matilda will eat it all then, but if I offer her it for lunch there is no way. I think if they are too tired they won't eat as well.

  16. #16

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    Thanks Christy I'll try giving healthy food when he's really hungry. Sounds like a plan. I'll try and hold of his "snacks" so he might eat fruit and veges.

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