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Thread: What would you do? What would you want?

  1. #1

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    Question What would you do? What would you want?

    I have new neighbours, who have a baby and a toddler. They moved in about 2 weeks ago. Her partner (I assume its her partner anyway...) goes to work during the day and she stays home with the two young ones. Most days all I seem to hear is the baby crying and sounding extremely distressed, and I can only imagine what the mum is going through dealing with her bub and toddler by herself.

    I am at home most days, just resting and I feel like sometimes I should go over and take her chocolate or make her a coffee or do some washing for her or something...

    But then, our old neighbours had two young kids who used to wander up to our place regularly and let themselves in our front door! I used to take the back home, and one day I offered to watch them while she was doing whatever she was doing (it scared me thinking these young kids would just let themselves into my house... what if they went and let themselves into a peadophiles house?!?!?!) and she got offended and accused me calling her a bad mum...
    So I don't want to offend our new neighbours...



    Would you be offended? Would you prefer to be left alone? I don't really know how I'd react... Would you appreciate a neighbour bringing over some morning tea? I haven't really met her, except when a little kitten was playing in my front yard and I went over to see if it was theres (they had just moved in).

  2. #2

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    Hmmm ok, having a toddler that screams the house down most days () I think I would be worried if my neighbours came along - completely out of the blue - and brought along something, I think personally, it would make me feel like I was a bad mum and that they were coming "to check up on me".

    ONLY if I didn't know them very well of course, and it was just after a bout of screaming or something!!!!

    But I think it would be nice if you went over and introduced yourself (as you are obviously pregnant yourself) and see if she invites you in for a coffee or whatever. Then maybe next time, bring something. JMO of course!!!!!

    You can always come and bring me chocolate of course.. pmsl!!!!

  3. #3

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    hey.

    I wouldn't offer to help just yet. i know from experience that babies and toddlers can cry for no reason for days on end. she might not be that stressed about it.

    I would make friends with her and the partner. in the long run it will be good for you both to have someone to chat to. maybe invite them over for a casual BBQ or afternoon tea.

  4. #4

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    If one of my neighbours suddenly showed up offering help I would be a bit concerned that they thought I wasn't doing a good job parenting.
    Maybe you can start small by offering to do some shopping for her while you do yours.
    It can be dreadful doing the shopping with children and offering to do a chore can take some of the pressure off without nessescarily suggesting that you think she's having a hard time. If someone wanted to take a list and some cash and bring my groceries home I'd be pretty happy to have that chore taken care of.

  5. #5

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    Personally, I would take some cake or something over. I would approach it along the lines of "I notice that like me you are home during the day and thought that maybe we both use some company - feel like some morning tea with me?". Then as you are chatting you could talk about how she is finding it home with kids etc from the guise of not being sure what you are in for etc. I think if you are really subtle about it, it shouldn't offend at all. And you might both become good friends and be able to help each other. I know that when I was home with two boys, my neighbour who came over and introduced herself the first week we were there became a God send. We have both moved since and are still great friends. She was home with two boys too, so not quite the same but still.

  6. #6

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    Wow if it happened to me, I would hand over the screaming child & jump in the shower

    Maybe after our second morning tea. Any chance you live in Brissy near me??

    TBH I used to get really stressed when Matilda screamed for hours upon hours and it was hard when Jovie was refluxy and I was with 2 kids at home. It really put me down because I was trying so hard & they both would still scream. So maybe offering some morning tea & a hand would be nice. Sometimes mum's are possessive of handing over screaming babies (quite irrationally) because of protective instincts, so maybe occupying the older child will help heaps.

  7. #7

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    I agree, don't jump in and offer to help with the kids, I think she'd be offended, I know I would have been. There were some really, really hard days when I first brought DS home and was trying to find my feet juggling both and if a neighbour came knocking on my door, I would have been pretty devastated. I wasn't feeling the best about things but I just needed to hide away and figure it out on my own iykwim? My biggest fear was that people would see me 'not coping'.

    Start by offering some company and friendship, the rest can come later.

  8. #8

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    I was about to say what Willow just said! I know I'd just prefer someone to offer to keep me company occasionally. It helps keep you sane when all you do is run after around kids all day. I'm sure she will appreciate that you care .

  9. #9

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    OMG! I can't see anything wrong with introducing yourself to a new neighbour! Its a first step, to what could be a lovely friendship.

    Geez, I wouldnt give a rats if anyone came over concerned about my parenting. Kids are loud - babies cry. If you came over concerned I wasn't coping and offered a hand (esp when preg), I'd be pleased someone even cared (instead of muttering under their breath for e.g), and if you brought me chocolate we'd be friends forever.

    Only one thing, maybe the first time have a chat on the doorstep with her....if her house is all untidy she may feel uncomfortable about inviting you in (or still being in her PJs!), a wave every so often and then you can charge in later and say "gimme the baby, get in the shower"!

    It all depends on how you come across I suppose, big smile Leasha!

  10. #10

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    I agree with Willow. We live on top of a hill and the whole street can hear my kids when they're cracking it....they'd hear every single tantrum I reckon. I'd die if one of the neighbours came over and offered to help with them I'd totally see through that. But company is different, less threatening I think.

  11. #11

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    I think you should just go over and introduce yourself, they are your new neighbours after all.
    Just mention if she needs anything youd be glad to help, gone are the good old days of when our grandparents and parents knew all the neighbours (in my area anyway)

  12. #12

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    Yeah, go and say hi, in this day and age people are so "closed doors" - you never know when you might need her help and vice versa. I have a lovely neighbour - about 60 who makes me pumpkin soup and cakes and I know would always be there if I had any kind of an emergency. If your neighbour is like me and is open to another pair of hands now and again she will welcome you with open arms. It is really nice to have other mums with young kids close by and if you all stick together it will be a great bond, company and help.

    Laurin

  13. #13

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    Never hurts to just go over or lean over the fence if you see her out and say hello Im so and so and if you ever want to come round for a coffee do so and feel free to bring your kids. You never know, down the track it could be her lending you a helping hand once your own bub is here. Besides its always nice making a new friend

  14. #14

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    I have not read every post, but you know what ... I think she might like some grown-up conversation. Take her some chicken pie, or baked pudding.

    I personally would not be offended. Just make sure your body language does not "judge". Like if her house is in chaos ... don't notice, If her couch looks like it's been decorated with Oreo's, sit down, kwim?? THAT might offend her, would me. If you come to visit me, you take it like it is.

    Hope you make a new friend

  15. #15

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    I second MantaRay and all other posts of that ilk - go over, set up a coffee date and suss her out. If you go over and she's really stuffed and looks like she'd eat up your company if only she weren't in her PJ's, then I'd offer to hold the baby while she showers, too
    You are being so thoughtful, and I think that if this is your inclination, go with it - your intentions are lovely and she'd have to be neurotic to take your actions badly...although we're talking new mum...so maybe she IS neurotic and just needs someone to kickstart her back to reality!!

  16. #16

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    I'm with MR, Maya etc. Pop over with some morning tea, have a chat and get to know her. Don't be fussed if she looks frazzled, it's likely she's embarrassed that someone's busted her in her pjs/bub screaming etc. And yeah, if she's looking stressed, offer to mind the kids while she has a shower, or goes shopping (or offer to do her shopping for her). But TBH, I personally would need to have met someone more than once to be able to leave my DS with them, even just to have a quick shower. But as she gets to know you, she may well feel comfortable with that, and really appreciate it!

    Good on you for wanting to help It's nice to have neighbours with kids too, I hope you get along with her.

  17. #17

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    I reckon go for it. Having moved to Sydney a year or so ago with DH living in Canberra for work for the first 6 months, I would have absolutely loved if my neighbours had been so welcoming. I'd bake some muffins or something and go over and say, 'I've made a huge batch and we won't finish them all so I thought you might like them'. Take her cues, if she invites you in then go, but if she seems like it is a really bad time then just leave it at that.

    You never know, she migh be a BB'er and already know you are coming (lol)

    Spring xx

  18. #18

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    LOL Spring

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