DD is been quite out spoken these days though she can't express herself by language. So, she decided to scream/yell to whatever she doesn't like. I've been saying "no" in a calm tone slowly turning to more a firm voice but she doesn't seem to understand. I don't want her to turn out like kids whom the parents would have to chase after in order to get their attention. Having said that, I don't want to seem mean but I know that putting a limitation to certain things will do her good later.
For instance, she has such a bad table manner. She sits in her highchair with one or two of her legs up. I tried putting them down each time she does that, and when I do it, she would scream and hit me.
Another thing which I mentioned was the yelling and screaming to whatever she doesn't like (being seated in her highchair, not letting her to take things from the tables, etc).
Am I demanding too much if I want to start the discipline though not much could be done now... how did you do it and when would be the best time to start?
I think there is nothing wrong with starting simple discipline at this age.. I would however tell her what she is doing wrong as such.. Instead of just No.. Say I want you to put your feet down please.. Yes she is young but she also understands a lot more then we realise..
My DD has starting pulling peoples hair. she doesnt do it to hurt but more because she is interested. I don't stop her if she is just playing with it but if she grabs and pulls. I gently take her hand and say that hurts Mummy.. be gentle..
I started disciplining Cooper from birth basically. OK, maybe telling and demonstrating what I expect from him would be more accurate. When he did something like pull hair etc, I would take his hand to make him look at me and say no because ....... (i.e. that hurts mummy or that is not nice etc). You have to be consistent but they will understand eventually and often a lot earlier than I thought he would be able to.
The key for me was consistency (doing it every time and getting DH to follow my lead if it happened with him) and trying never to lose me temper (which was sometimes very hard!). You show that you expect a certain level of behaviour and expect it all the time. They are kids, they will push boundaries and play up but if they know what is acceptable, then the majority of times are good times.
Oh and the most important part of all is PRAISE. When Cooper does something right (even if it is a small thing in the middle of a horrendous day), he knows it. He gets kisses, cuddles, words like good job, great, that was fantastic, you are so smart etc. He lights up because he knows that I am proud of him and it was easy for him to do so it encourages him to do it again.
It has worked beautifully. Cooper is generally a well-behaved little boy though we still get the tantrums etc. After all he IS 2 next month.
If she has her feet on the table, tell her no, we don't put our feet on the table & put them down like you are already. If she hits, tell her no it's not nice to hit etc. Make sure you explain everything to her. She may not understand at this age, but she will learn if you are consistent. Explain that mummy & daddy don't put their feet on the table do they? Then PRAISE!! A LOT!! Tell her how good she is for sitting nicely, that she has lovely manners etc.
Carmen, please please remember that you're still dealing with a little baby, and you have to set your expectations about 'behaviour' accordingly. Unlike adults, babies & toddlers don't have impulse control, from memory it takes a good couple of years before this skill gets mapped in their brains, so you have to be consistent with your rules, but kind in how you implement them, and rely a lot on removal & distraction - ie tell/explain her your rule, but then pick her up & remove her from the situation. THe other thing with kids is that they tend not to hear the "Don't" in the phrase - as in Don't touch the TV Remote", instead what they hear is "Touch the TV remote". so if you can, try to rephrase the request into a positive request like "please leave the TV remote alone". This is also a good way to minimise the number of times you use the word no, although it's much harder work, because you have to think about what you're saying so much more, as it's not as easy as just saying no. And like Sarah said, Praise, praise praise - kids just want to make you happy, and if you notice the good things that they do then these are the activities that they'll repeat. Also, your DD is probably reaching the age where she realises just how much there is to do in the world & how physically limited she is (due to her size & limited co-ordination), and this is frustating - she just wants to get out & learn about everything.
Have a little faith in yourself - if you've got good manners then there is a very good chance that your DD will do just fine, because you are her biggest role model. And, it's cliche, but don't sweat the small stuff - she's probably only putting her feet on the table because it feels interesting, she won't be doing it when she's 4. I think that if it's not hurting them, you or the thing, then go with the flow a bit, otherwise it will do your head in, and you'll be stressed & she'll be stressed and then you'll just have a vicious circle of stressedness.
I agree with you all that consistency is important. I think sometimes I give in because I'm so tired of repeating myself. DD seems to know that she could push my limit since I'm not as consistent as DH. When it comes to DH, he's more consistent but I find that he's a little too strict with DD (she is afterall 8 months old).
I think what made me give in at times is that I'm frustrated and instead of raising my voice at her, I just let it go. Not a good mommy! I will try Sarah's suggestion and praise lots. Maybe that will make her realize what I like so she would do more.
Another thing that I have always done is by saying "no". I was told that toddlers hate to hear "no" and whenever they hear "no" they will do it on purpose. I'll have some word rephrasing to do so I don't have so be a parakeet in saying no!
By the way, is it okay to give a little tap on DD's hand when she's throwing things (food, water bottle) on the floor from her highchair after many "no". Or should I just remove these things from her if she keeps on throwing them on the floor?
I know that this age is very delicate and I really don't want to do anything to have a bad start...
I think discipline starts from the beginning when they decide to bite you on the boob! I take Jesse off, say no & he doesn't get it back.
When they start crawling you discipline them to get them away from power points etc.
My girls are older, but I find they get it better when I explain it to them. Eg, feet on the table is rude, rather than just no. But at her age you aren't going to get too far.
Just keep persisting gently.
ok, I wasn't going to come back in, but I can't help myself... the throwing things on the floor is a major part of her development, she's learning about cause & effect. What happens if I drop this toy - where does it go? What sound does it make when it drops on the floor? Will mum/dad pick it up for me? it's really, really normal kid behaviour, and can become a bit of a game. Having said that, if you don't want her to do it, or at least to not do it too much, then don't give her things to drop, and don't pick them up every time. I personally wouldn't make too big a deal about it with her, when my DS is in a dropping mood, I just quietly pick up the pieces and put them away, or if it's food, I just put it to the side. That way they're not getting a reaction (good or bad), so it becomes boring & they'll eventually stop doing it.
When do you start discipline and how to do it?
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