Why does my 2 yo play SO ROUGH with other children?

[Isadora]

My DD is getting progressively worse when it comes to her temper tantrums and playing with other children. She pushes, pulls, screams and throws herself dramatically to the floor if a toy she wants another child has. She will sulk around with a sullen face if I tell her off. I have been told this is normal behaviour for a toddler, but is it really? Is it normal for a toddler to hurt other children who are playing nicely? It makes me sad and embarrassed, its to the point where I dread mothers group or going to a friends place, for fear that my DD will turn into the bully child. What can I do, I am seriously at my wits end with her angry behaviour??? HELP

[lilima]

I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I jsut posted in the plat sect about this same issue (as well as the way I am treated about it!!)

I knowi t is normal, but it makes you feel bad doesn't it??!!

[Isadora]

Yes it does, it makes me look like a mum with an out of control undisciplined child & that I dont care. While the truth is of course I care 100% & I discipline her, but to an extent, how do you discipline a 2 yr old who doesnt speak much or who doesnt seem to understand why she is in trouble? Apart from that she is a very spirited child, she doesnt need me to dote on her, as she is so independent. Some people see this as a bad thing. I am at my wits end with it, I love her to bits but I sometimes wish she could be more like other children, how terrible does that sound

[kim robin]

Temper tantrums is just normal to toddlers but you should show him that what he did is wrong like you let him face the wall for 30 minutes after he acted that wrong behavior. This is how I disciplined my 2 and half year old daughter when she acted the same and it really works.

[Isadora]

30 minutes, she wouldnt even stand still for 30 seconds. I use the time out method but it seems like every 5 minutes she is in time out. Its beyond a joke now

[Oorki Galoorki]

how our kids act is often a mirror image of how we act, perhaps she is seeing you as being a bully for putting her in T/O regularly. so she sees when she is a=in a positon with others the way to get what she wants is to be aggressive..
perhaps looking at other ways of dealing with her tantrums at home will help her to deal with situations out of the house..

I know my children often mirror my less desirable personality traits

[Ozstar]

I dont really have any advice but what Doudou said makes sense. Personally I wouldn't be standing her facing a wall for 30 min, thats a really long time. Does distraction work?

[Isadora]

Good point, I am just wondering how else I can teach her that this behaviour is wrong, without smacking etc. Time out seemed to be the best option, I over eggagerate as I dont use it often come to think of it. I really only see this rough behaviour when she is around other children. I wonder if its something she has learnt through childcare. Sorry just grasping at anything here.

Oz - No me either, 30 mins is way too long. Supernanny says 2 mins for a 2 yr old. Distraction works but I am forever distracting!!!

[danniellabella]

My DD is getting progressively worse when it comes to her temper tantrums and playing with other children. She pushes, pulls, screams and throws herself dramatically to the floor if a toy she wants another child has. She will sulk around with a sullen face if I tell her off. I have been told this is normal behaviour for a toddler, but is it really? Is it normal for a toddler to hurt other children who are playing nicely? It makes me sad and embarrassed, its to the point where I dread mothers group or going to a friends place, for fear that my DD will turn into the bully child. What can I do, I am seriously at my wits end with her angry behaviour??? HELP

You have just described my 17 month old. I'm going to subscibe to this thread.

[berrme]

Madsmum, I think you are probably right to assume that language has alot to do with the rough play. I am going to guess that your DD is quite advanced with her motor skills too. My DS is very big compared to a lot of other kids his age and is very physically capable so has often prefered to play with the older kids who can communicate better than him. As a result he has wants to show how good he is at other things... like pushing and climbing and jumping. Recently, as he has started to talk more, he has started to play better, especially with girls. Earlier this week I was very pleased to see him just tag a friends daughter while playing chasey, rather than shove her on the ground when her caught her. We are getting there. You will too.

I really would like to think that other mothers haven't labelled your daughter, though it hard not to feel like they have. I can always see the frustration on mum's faces when their child is doing something naughty... i know it isn't what they model at home. Keep your head up!

[Isadora]

Berrme - Thats a good point because yes she does have great motor skills, she is the child climbing all over the play equipment like a little daredevil while the other mums look on in horror lol. I am glad to hear that your DS has improved with language, thats what I'm hoping for too & it makes sense doesnt it? Thanks heaps for your input

Went to toddler gym today and DD played so well with the other children. Had a couple of temper tantrums but nothing that we couldnt get past. I praised & praised her 'nice gentle playing' with her friends. Also this arvo I am planning on doing some role play with the dollies to demo nice play.

[MamaPan]

MM:
1. You are a fabulous mummy. I know this from reading how you are with M and how much you care for her and even the fact you are so concerned about this. Dont ever let something like this make you feel like a bad mum
2. I am sure this is normal - she has excellent gross motor skills and wants to try them out. she cant express herself yet so she is frustrated. she is a toddler... all valid reasons for her to be how she is at the moment
3. I am sure this wont last - it isnt her personality or temperament - it is a stage she is going trhough as she learns - and you are doing a great job at teaching her how to be...
4.Dont feel that others judge you, or dont let them judge you, we all worry about diff things with our kids. For example, Noah is not like this at all - he is v verbal and not v physical. if i was out with you and didnt know you i woudl prob be sitting there wishing N had a bit more oomph to him physically like M. so i;d be so caught up in my own dialogue about my own child to be judging you! and we all have our little 'sensitive points' with our kids if we are honest...

You are a terrific mum - you are aware what you need to work on with her and are doing so! be kind to youself.

ps hope all that made sense! xxx

[Patooties]

Well said pap - i totally agree - she is a great Mummy

[rustygirl]

MM:
1. You are a fabulous mummy. I know this from reading how you are with M and how much you care for her and even the fact you are so concerned about this. Dont ever let something like this make you feel like a bad mum
2. I am sure this is normal - she has excellent gross motor skills and wants to try them out. she cant express herself yet so she is frustrated. she is a toddler... all valid reasons for her to be how she is at the moment
3. I am sure this wont last - it isnt her personality or temperament - it is a stage she is going trhough as she learns - and you are doing a great job at teaching her how to be...
4.Dont feel that others judge you, or dont let them judge you, we all worry about diff things with our kids. For example, Noah is not like this at all - he is v verbal and not v physical. if i was out with you and didnt know you i woudl prob be sitting there wishing N had a bit more oomph to him physically like M. so i;d be so caught up in my own dialogue about my own child to be judging you! and we all have our little 'sensitive points' with our kids if we are honest...

You are a terrific mum - you are aware what you need to work on with her and are doing so! be kind to youself.

ps hope all that made sense! xxx

Couldn't have said it better!!! Well done!
I really agree with "don't let others judge you" After all the only way they CAN judge you is if you let them!!!