DD. 16mos. Just a few questions.

[Charlotte91]

I think it's just the tantrums and she will hit things or herself if she's really mad. She got mad and bit herself yesterday and then headbutted the floor. It scares me. Alot.
She's so stubborn and strong willed. Our house is filled with pictures of her in hospital and I look at them and know how lucky I am that she's here.
But she just frustrates the hell out of me.

I know she picks up on feelings, if someone is upset or angry so is she. I'm a bit stressed out and that's not helping her moods at all. And then I feel guilty because I'm contributing to the way she's acting.

As for talking about the baby, or the baby being in her face. No. She doesn't understand when we talk about the baby, she's only touched my tummy a few times and that was when she was obsessed with belly buttons. The baby's room isn't set up or have anything in it. I still need to paint the cot and get furniture.

I don't know how I'm going to cope with a newborn and DD if she's still acting like this. I'm already crapping myself over having a newborn. DD was already in a feeding/sleeping routine when we got her home.

I know I shouldn't compare. I hate that i do that.
I went to mother's group for the first time in 6 months and there were kids YOUNGER than DD who were riding around on bikes/ride on things and getting told "watch out for the baby." "Look out for Hannah, she's still a baby". I felt like crying.
The only kid who Hannah could play with was a 10 month old, who is heaps bigger than her.
I worry that because she's not around other kids that she's suffering because of it. DH wants me to take her to mothers group but I'm sick of getting told how little she is.
I know she's little. She's still in 00-0s. She has a size 1 t-shirt that she wears as a dress.

Maybe it's just all my own insecurities that are passing onto DD.

[FabFiona]

Maybe it's just all my own insecurities that are passing onto DD.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. I doubt she's bothered that she's smaller than everyone else.

As for the coping with a toddler and a new born? I just took it 15 minutes at a time otherwise I'd end up on the floor in tears with both of them. Sometimes someone has to wait while you are doing something for the other child and no matter how much screaming they are doing, nothing is going to change it. Your toddler will get it eventually.

I don't think that my son understood about a baby but he knew things were happening and that's what put him off balance.

[OceanPrincess]

Oh hun, big hugs You've worked some of it out yourself. It is so hard not to compare our kids to others, but we do. It's some sort of stupid natural in built thing.

FWIW, my niece did the headbutting floor thing and she was born at 41+3 at 9lbs. My DD has bitten herself in frustration and she was born at 39+5, 8lbs. The behaviour scared my sister and me respectively, but we handled it the same - ignored, or tried to diffuse. My DD was older when she tried to bite herself - I gently held her arm and said "Don't do that. Are you frustrated? Tell mummy you are frustrated, use your words." But she is 3.5, so it is a bit different.

When they were younger, and my DS is 20mths and still hits things, I say "No! Gentle! Keep your hands to yourself!" which seems to work. I can reason with DD now she is older.

FWI also W, DD had a massive word explosion around 18mths and was using sentences by 2. There are so many ranges of normal!!

[luna moth]

She is fine. I promise. I often read things she does in Baby Buddies and can't believe she's a prem who had a tough start. She's actually doing awesome.

Niece can say her name because it's a bloody easy name. "sing-sy" is pretty good for <18 months. Being aware of poo is good too. Tantrums are developmentally normal. Including headbutting. Annoying, but normal.

And she is little. Sure. That's just a reminder of how amazing she is. Just makes it all the more incredible that she's caught up in so many other areas.

[Heaven]

She sounds perfectly normal to me
Just try to stop comparing her. You don't need to compare, she's perfect.
Everything she's doing is just what babies do, she's testing her boundaries, totally normal.

[onthefly]

C, I'm sorry this is such a worry for you It must be extra stressful when you compare her - she had such a different start to everyone else.
Honestly, she sounds pretty normal to me. I agree with Audax.
Language-wise, she's probably ahead of my son at the same age.
The tantrums etc, that's quite normal, especially if she's feeling frustrated about things. Have you tried sign language at all? It can help bridge the gap till they're able to talk more.

Try to give yourself a break, if you can. Sometimes being a mother and being a housewife are two mutually exclusive activities.