Do most partners get up at night to help?

[Gigi]

DH and I are firm believers that parenting is a "shared" thing and not just for all the fun, happy, positive times either. He has always gotten up during the night to assist and still does now - DS hasnt slept through since 6 months old so we take it in turns to get up for him every night. We wouldn't survive otherwise.

I know of other couples tho where the working partner refuses to get up during the night or the at home partner refuses to let their partner get up, mainly due to the "guilt" factor. It works for some people but that doesnt work for us.

Have to agree with all of this.

me too.

my partner gets up every morning at 6am (leaves house at 8.30am). He never uses this as an excuse NOT to attend to bilby when she needs us during the night.

He values me breastfeeding our child. He realises how tiring BF-ing, so he gets bilby up, changes her if she needs and gives her cuddles, brings her to me, keeps her cuddling if i have to go to the loo before i can feed her, brings me a drink if i need one. (this is all offered, i don't ask). DH is not perfect and is really slack in many ways, but we went to a Parents breastfeeding education session run by Aust BF Assoc, and it was heavily stressed, that the support or lack of support from the bf-ing paren'ts PARTNER is a high indication of how long BF-ing will go on. So he heard it from people OTHER than me, how important his role was. ANd he's taken it to heart i think.

our child is nearly 23 months and usually wakes once or twice during the night for a feed. No way could we have kept bf-ing THIS long without a combined effort between us. We also agree on attachment parenting. His first wife used Controlled Crying and that upset my dh so much (he coudln't stick to CC).

i hate asking my dh to do stuff (cos he never remembers what i ask) so if he didn't do this stuff, i would find it very difficult to ask.

I don't think it's JUST changing a nappy and cuddling, i think these things are a constant repetitive and very needed things for a baby to receive on a consistent basis - knowing their needs will be attended to as needed. So i see what dh does as very important.

our baby is usually awake from 6.30am, dh cares for her from then until he goes at 8.30am, so i can sleep longer.

a supportive partner can also help you cope with PND. I have NO clue how single parents cope! as much as my partner has his flaws, there are some things (listed above) that i am so grateful for - i realise not every mummy has that level of support.

[smiles4u]

Um, my DP never got up once for nappy change or to get bub so I could BF ... not even the 1st couple of weeks & it was freezing cold Winter here in Ballarat

[samante]

My DH doesn't get up with us at night. In fact, once, when I collapsed on the floor with mastitis when she was about 3 weeks old, I had to call out to him for ten minutes because I couldn't get up. He then makes a bottle of formula (even though we BF), hands her and the bottle to me and goes back to bed!! This was at 6.30am, not like, 2am. I was terrified to move off the couch because I thought I would fall over again.

However, in the middle of the night, I like to stay as sleepy as I can and barely open my eyes, I don't think I'm capable of speaking. DH has no idea what goes on at night in our house.

[*PinkLilly*]

DH has never gotten up during the night even when DD was strickly on ff for a week. However, recently I have been getting really tired (I think the lack of sleep has finally caught up to me) and have asked if he would mind after I have feed DD and I can't settle her (if she sees the sun, she thinks it's playtime - not too much fun at 6 in the morning....still want to sleep) to get up and play with her. To his credit, the last couple of morning he has (DD plays and is back in bed within the hour). Gives me a little more snooze time and DD gets to play with her daddy.

[shellbell3]

Df would only get up if it was a bad night where I couldn't resettle Ash or something like that. He was helpful in pacing the floors if need be. But otherwise he'd put his ear plugs in and sleep. My thought was what is the point of us both losing sleep? I was BFing so why get him up. One tired parent is better than 2 tired parents.
He helped out in other ways he cooked every night and did majority of the cleaning in those first few weeks so I think we worked it out quite evenly.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

my exP only got up to help a handful of times. On weekends though, he'd take DD in the day so I could have a huge catch-up.

[queenbee]

My DP always got up to help

[BigDaddyPore]

my wife and i have a system which seems to work pretty well. i work, but i still help out a heap. any bloke who can't help needs to look at themselves. i go to bed around 10 which is usually as he is having a feed. dp stays with ds until he settles, which on this feed never seems to happen. she will then feed him around 2am and wake me up to change and settle him while she goes to bed. i then look after him til the 6am feed which is usually not too hard. i then bottle feed him and settle him before i head to work at which time i wake her up for the rest of the day.
this way we both get a reasonable amount of sleep. some times it works in my favour because he will setlle real quick and i basically only wake up for one hour of the night. sometimes it works in her favour because he will be a grizzle guts from 2am to 6am.
i firmly believe that parenting is the job of mother and father. too many guys leave the mum to do everything.

[Indadhanu]

Thanks everyone. She's helping out a lot more now, and even brings Jazz to bed for me to feed on a weekend now, plus cooking and putting her to bed. I'm definately happy! And when I'm happy, we're all happy

[Nelle]

Great to hear Leash. Why don't more partners understand the concept of 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'.